It’s pretty easy to figure out what kind of man you don’t want to be. But to make real progress on our path, it’s important to focus on what kind of man we do want to be.
In this chapter, I’m going to introduce you to the four main powers that every conscious man has to own deeply and operate well. They are: the King, the Warrior, the Mystic, and the Lover. These four primordial male energies – or flavors of male energy – are hard-wired powers in men. In the typical modern, disempowered man, they are mostly unknown, unclaimed, or under-used. For us to be deeply happy and truly powerful in our life, they should all be conscious, intact, strong, and balanced. You can think of them as four legs of a table, or four different gears that you operate from. As men, we aren’t just one thing. We are complex, and this model helps us to live into that complexity in a powerful, masculine way. The great thing about working with these energies is that they are universal. No matter what kind of man you are, or what culture you come from, you will have these four facets. They might look completely different in each man; nonetheless, they are there – either owned or disowned, strong or weak. Over the years, I have gained so much from looking at myself through the lens of these Four Powers. Let’s take a look.
Our King Power is our inner sense of authority over ourselves and the world we choose to create. The King is the power in us that is responsible for creating a vision for our life and then making sure that we stay on track with the vision. The King is all about the ‘big picture.’ The King decides what is important in our life and what is not. It’s our power to make big decisions. The King energy brings order to the Kingdom, and when there is no King on the ‘throne,’ chaos rules the day. In our case the King energy is responsible for holding and caring for the various aspects of our life as men and making sure they are all moving forward and in alignment with our purpose. A man without a King is like a driver asleep at the wheel.
The King is the chief of the tribe, he is the father of the family, he is the commander of the troops, the commander of our lives. The work I do with men to get the First Key – know your true purpose in life and be on track with your vision – is getting them into their King Power. In the Indian tradition, there’s a great Sanskrit word for King energy – ishwaria – which translates loosely into the English word ‘lordship.’ When we have ishwaria, we are the masters of our world, not in the sense of dominating anyone, or being a dictator, but in the sense that we are in control of ourselves. When we have this quality, we are awake and aware of what’s happening in our life, and we are empowered, ready to serve the world around us. This is an important point: The King isn’t about ruling his Kingdom – he is about taking care of his Kingdom. A good King cares for his Kingdom and provides whatever it needs. Forget kings in the movies and on TV. The King Power we’re talking about here is the part of us that makes our life awesome and makes sure that everything in our life is flourishing and taken care of. The King takes responsibility. The King cannot pass the buck. Having our King Power intact isn’t an ego thing, it’s an example of genuine power. The King Power says to us, ‘I’ll take care of it. I’ve got this. Keep your eyes on the goal. Don’t worry.’
The King isn’t about ruling his Kingdom – he is about taking care of his Kingdom.
As I said, this power is hard-wired in every man, but few men really live with their sovereign King Power. Most men give their King away. They give their authority over to their wife, to their boss, to their competition, to their ‘duty,’ to their life problems, to their government. Men who lack their King will even give their power to their kids. It really doesn’t matter. If a man doesn’t have his King, or has a weak King, his power is really up for grabs. When we’ve forgotten our King, we’re often bitching and moaning and feeling like victims. If a man without a King has a problem, he approaches it by whining or complaining. ‘Shit happens’ is the mantra of the man with no King. A man in possession of his King chooses his life circumstances. If a man with a strong King has a problem, he takes charge and handles it. His life is his – his body, his mind, and his destiny are his.
We will learn more about how to work with our King Power, but first we need to look at how the King is balanced by the Warrior, Lover, and Mystic Powers.
The Warrior Power is one of the most essential powers for today’s man to cultivate. The Warrior Power is the ‘get it done’ energy of a man. The Warrior serves the King by protecting his authority and doing the foot work to make his mission happen. The King makes decisions, the Warrior enforces the decisions. The Warrior energy is the skill we use to fight the battles that need to be fought. It’s the energy we use to muscle through the hard aspects of life. The Warrior Power is our grit. A man without his Warrior Power is a pushover, a doormat, a coward.
The Warrior is the combat soldier, the temple guard, the tireless worker, the fearless one who comes to the rescue. The Warrior is the defender of what is weaker and needs to be defended, and the defender of our vision for life. He’s not about fighting all the time; the Warrior is not about acting tough. The Warrior is a master of his energy and doesn’t waste it with showing off. The Warrior Power is what we summon when we need to take a stand. It’s the part of us that says ‘Enough!’ to the bullshit in our life. The Warrior doesn’t take shit from anybody. The Warrior is our power to ‘go for it,’ seize the day, and get stuff done. The Warrior is our fearlessness and our ability to withstand pain. Our Warrior Power says to us, ‘Less talk, more action! Stand up! Don’t quit! You can do it! You can take it! No fear! Fuck the naysayers! Here we go!’
The Warrior is our power to ‘go for it,’ seize the day, and get stuff done.
Every man has a Warrior Power, but few men really use it. When we’re out of touch with our inner Warrior, we’re floppy, passive, easily swindled, easily distracted, and easily defeated. Our dreams are just dreams. We’ve got no teeth. Our King Power has no army to make his vision happen, or defend it against doubt and hardship. Without a strong Warrior, the King is all talk, nothing more than a politician. Men without a strong inner Warrior don’t relate well to other men and tend to surround themselves with women – and are usually dominated by the women they’re intimate with. When we forget our Warrior Power, we tend to live in our heads, or hang out in virtual worlds where our salt is never tested. We sit on the couch and fight fearsome video game battles, and then surrender without a fight to the Doritos and beer. A spiritual guy might perform the ‘warrior pose’ in his yoga class but lack the ability to stand up for himself in life. Without our Warrior Power, we lack thump.
The King and the Warrior are two of the most essential powers for us to cultivate, but without the Mystic and the Lover, we’ll be way out of balance.
The Mystic Power is a man’s power of wisdom, his intuition, and his ability to connect to Spirit and bring that spiritual energy into his material world. The Mystic is the King’s advisor. He is the balancer to the King. While the King is holding court, and the Warrior’s taking care of business, the Mystic is in his chambers, meditating on the mysteries of the universe, or whispering advice into the King’s ear. Without the Mystic advising him, the King can get caught in his bullshit. Mad Kings hang their advisors. Our Mystic Power is our power to transform ourselves on the inside. It’s the power that we cultivate so that we’re not the slaves of our chattering mind. On the simplest level, the Mystic is our power of learning and wisdom. Men without their Mystic Power intact are doofuses: they’re cavemen – insensitive, reactionary, typical, and stupid.
Our Mystic Power is our power to transform ourselves on the inside.
The Mystic Power is not a religious thing. Institutional religion is the substitute for true mystical experience. A Mystic is not concerned with the definitions and rules that religions are obsessed with. The Mystic doesn’t need the formalities of doctrine; the Mystic is intimate with the Great Mystery. When our Mystic Power is strong, Spirit is an experience, not just an idea. When I help a man to get the Second Key – cultivate a deep and authentic spiritual connection – I’m helping him to make space for his Mystic Power. The Mystic is the sorcerer, the prophet, the true yogi, the wise man, the shaman. The Mystic is the ‘seer.’ Our inner Mystic gives us the ability to see beyond the obvious. When our Mystic Power is strong, we’re able to live a life guided by wisdom and empowered by Spirit. We’re able to transform ourselves. This is the real power of the Mystic – the power to transform our consciousness. The Mystic knows that transformation is an ‘inside job.’ If we are to be deeply happy and truly powerful, we have to learn to look inside, work on ourselves, and be able to adopt alternative ways of thinking and seeing. When this power is weak or absent, then we’re stuck being whoever we are. Our inner Mystic is unafraid of introspection and learning something new.
Like the King and the Warrior, every man has an innate Mystic Power, but this power is disowned by most men. Some men are very intellectual, but have little or no ability to think or feel spiritually; they’ve shut off their power of intuition. Plenty of men consider anything spiritual to be ‘woo-woo’ or ‘kumbaya.’ For many years I have taught meditation and this inner Mystic work to military veterans. I have noticed a big difference in the reactions of ‘regular’ foot soldiers and those of elite military operators and people from Special Forces. The regulars are standoffish at the idea of cultivating a spiritual practice; they have to be sold on the idea. The elite operators, on the other hand, jump at the chance to learn ways to hone their intuition and mystical skills. In ancient times, men would strive to cultivate wisdom. Wise men were sought out and greatly respected. This notion is all but lost today. Guys, dumb jocks, and hard men seem almost to take pride in being dense and stupid. I will give you some powerful, simple practices to enhance your Mystic Power. For now, let’s just say that we need it.
The Lover Power is the power of enjoyment. It’s the part of us that can embrace beauty and pleasure. It’s also our ability to create beauty and give pleasure. The softness and openness of the Lover energy balances the hardness of the Warrior. When the King finishes his ruling for the day and the Warrior finishes his battle, when the Mystic has done his prayers and meditations, they all retire to enjoy their favorite pleasure. The Lover is the King’s ability to enjoy his wealth and promote the beautiful things in his Kingdom. It’s the Warrior’s ability to take off his armor, lie down, and have his wounds tended to by gentle hands. Our Lover energy is the part of us that opens up and says ‘Yes!’ to new experiences. It is our ‘soft side’ that has to be there to nurture our children and open our hearts to loving and being loved. Love is an essential nutrient for every human spirit. Too many men are stuck and cut off from love. Men need to have this part intact to avoid becoming dry, miserable, and grumpy sons of bitches.
The Lover is the Romeo, the artist, the gourmet, the sexual connoisseur, the nature lover. He is the one with giant sensual arms that can wrap around anything. The Lover energy isn’t exactly hedonistic, it has limits – especially when it is balanced by the King’s sense of purpose and the Warrior’s discipline. But the Lover Power basically wants to merge with and enjoy everything. It is a dog having its belly scratched. You experience the Lover when you climb into a bath of hot water and feel your physical tension release. We connect with the Lover energy when we’re having good sex. Notice I said good sex, not just humping or beating off. If we can get out of our heads and really let go into the experience, the sexual moment is a peak experience of the Lover energy. ‘Let go and experience’ is the mantra of the Lover.
The Lover Power in a man is also his masculine sense of beauty. A man will get in touch with his Lover energy when he’s feeling the leather seats of a fine car, or admiring the craftsmanship of handmade wooden furniture. It’s in our sense of grooming and clothes. Our inner Lover enjoys fine colognes and perfumes, fine whisky and women. Our Lover Power thrives in natural beauty and craves being in fresh air and the splendor of the wilderness.
The Lover Power in a man is also his masculine sense of beauty.
When a man has denied his Lover energy, he will become joyless and harsh. The Lover gets lost in a typical ‘working man’s’ sense of self-sacrifice and self-denial. If we’ve made big mistakes in life or think of ourselves as failures, we might lock up our inner Lover as a form of self-punishment, as if we don’t deserve to enjoy the pleasures of life. Some men have religious baggage about their Lover: it’s sinful to experience too much pleasure, even if the pleasure itself isn’t sinful. Workaholics need more Lover, and so do hard macho men and men suffering from depression. We will have a whole chapter about the Lover to go deeper into this, but for now, just understand that it’s an important piece of the whole-man puzzle.
The Lover balances the Warrior that serves the King, who is advised by the Mystic. When there’s not enough Mystic, we become stupid, we’re cut off from our deep wisdom and spiritual side. If we lack Lover energy, we don’t enjoy life, we become too hard. If we lack Warrior Power, we can’t get done what we need to get done. And if we lack King energy, we lose our vision and our life is not really even ours to live.
All four of these powers need to be intact and in balance.
All four of these powers need to be intact and in balance.
Men tend to favor one or two of the powers and be weak in the others. You might have a strong Warrior nature, but you lack King, so you put all of that Warrior energy into a job that you don’t even care about. Or you might be a Mystic Lover and love to party and have great intuitive abilities and compassion, but you lack grit and the ability to take care of others.
In the following chapters, I am going to share indepth knowledge about the Four Powers and also give you some best practices for enhancing each one. First, it’s time for some more brutal honesty.
The King – our inner sense of authority over ourselves and the world we choose to create.
The Warrior – the ‘get it done,’ hunter-killer energy of a man.
The Mystic – a man’s intelligence and wisdom, his intuition, and his ability to connect to Spirit and bring that spiritual energy into his material world.
The Lover – the power of enjoyment, of loving and being loved.
Be quiet and sit down with your journal or notebook. Take a minute to go through these questions and write down the answers. Don’t worry about getting them ‘right’ – get ’em true.
• If you look at yourself and your Four Powers honestly, what do you see?
• Which power or powers are strongest for you? Which are weakest?
• Why are your strong ones stronger and your weak ones weaker?
• What is the price you pay in life for lacking strength in the weaker powers?
• What advantages in life do you enjoy when you’re able to live through your stronger powers?
How would you be different if you had these Four Powers intact? What would change in your life?
We’ve highlighted the Four Powers available to you as a man. In the next four chapters we will go deeper into these powers so you can start to experience more of them in your life.