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I check my phone for the thousandth time. No messages or phone calls from JJ. He said he’d be here by four at the latest but it’s already five o’clock. Huntsville is only about three hours away. If he was going to be late, he should’ve called. I’m worried, but maybe he’s just stuck in traffic. It’s so unlike him not to call. Surely, he can’t be trying to keep up our strawberry pact.
Xavier and Jessa arrived hours ago. It’s too muggy for them, so they’re inside watching reruns of a reality show while I’m on the front porch swatting mosquitoes left and right, waiting for JJ to arrive.
I scratch a spot on my neck. Doggone mosquitos! A big pink bite against my brown and white skin is not gon’ look good. Thinking about that mosquito makes me think about ticks. I just had to go and look up what JJ said about them in his letter. The images of full ticks started creeping me out.
The screen door closes behind me.
“You okay?” Jessa asks.
I shrug off my disappointment. “Of course. What makes you think I’m not?”
“Because it’s hot as methussy and you’re out here fighting mosquitos, smelling like strawberries, and looking like you lost your puppy.”
She sniffs closer to me. “Why do you smell like strawberries?”
“No reason.” I hadn’t told Jessa about me and JJ’s pact. It’s been our little secret. I scratch my neck again. “He hasn’t called me back yet. You think something happened to him?”
Jessa stands next to me. “No, I know where he is.”
She does? If she knows, then I should know.
Before I can ask Jessa for details, she holds up her hands to stop me. “Call him.”
I definitely will. Swinging the screen door wide open, I let it slam behind me. My Aunt Didi yells at me for the noise.
“Sorry, Aunt Didi.”
I go to the sunroom where plants are soaking up sun rays minus the pesky mosquitos. It’s humid in here, but not as much as it was outside. I call JJ.
“Hey Clove, I was just about to—”
I cut him off. “Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t coming? You should’ve told me before you told Jessa. I’ve been waiting on you all day. I can’t believe I went through all this trouble for you. I bought all the pescatarian stuff. I made you your own pint of cookies and cream from my job. I even put extra cookies in it. And I bought hummus and you know I hate hummus. I can’t believe you didn’t have the courage to call and tell me you couldn’t make it.”
It’s so silent on the other end, I have to check my screen to make sure he’s still there. “Hello? You there?”
“I’m here. Just wanted you to get all that pent-up anger out of your system. Are you done now?”
How dare he say that to me. I’ll be done when I say I’m done but it just so happens that I have nothing left to say.
“I’m done,” I say.
“I apologize for not calling you sooner and I’m sorry that you have seafood, hummus, and ice cream that you probably won’t eat.”
He sounds so sullen. It soothes my wrath a little. “JJ, what happened? Why didn’t you just tell me you couldn’t come?”
He mumbles something but I can’t understand him. “What’d you say?”
“I said I have to sing at a wedding. I’d completely forgotten about it. My dad drove down to Huntsville on Sunday to bring me back to Smalltown. I just finished with a dress rehearsal.”
I don’t think I’ve ever known a couple who gets married on the 4th of July. I’m sure people do, it’s just not something I’ve seen before.
“Wow, that’s great JJ! Your first real singing gig. But you don’t sound too excited.”
“I’m not. It’s nerve-wracking to sing in front of people. And like I said, I forgot about it, so I’ve got to learn the song they want me to sing in less than 24 hours. I did alright at the dress rehearsal, but I missed a few words. I’ve been listening to the song on repeat since I left Huntsville.”
I bet he’s tired of it by now. “Are you playing the piano as well?”
“Yes.”
JJ’s played piano at our church for almost two years. This past Easter he sang in front of a congregation of over 3,000 people. I could tell he was nervous, but he did amazingly well. I sat in the front row and was blown away by his voice. All these years, he’d hidden from me the fact that he could sing.
“Soon you’ll be flying in and out of town doing tours and shows instead of weddings,” I say.
“Nah, that’ll never be me. Clove, I’m really sorry I couldn’t come through on what I said I would do. And you’re absolutely right, I should’ve told you sooner. I’ll find a way to make it up to you.”
I can hear Mr. Jourdan speaking French in the background. JJ speaks French back to him. It’s their native language. Growing up around JJ, I learned many French words but I can’t catch everything Mr. Jourdan is saying. Sometimes I feel like other languages are faster than English.
“Clove, can I call you back?” JJ says. “My parents need my help with something.”
“Yeah, sure. Talk to you later.”
As soon as I end the call with JJ, those lonely, crestfallen feelings resurface. Jessa joins me in the sunroom. “You really love him, don’t you?”
“I told you, I love him like I love you and Xavier. Nothing more.”
She twists her mouth to the side. “You don’t gotta lie to me. I’ve seen the way you look at him. And the way you’re looking now without him. You’re in love, Clove Daniels.”
I’m not in love. I just may have dreamed about what it’d be like to watch fireworks with him for the first time. I envisioned his arms wrapped around me as we watched the colors light up the sky. Kissing him is probably what I’ve thought about most. I’ve never kissed a boy, but in my dreams, I’ve kissed JJ plenty of times. I want to know what it feels like in real life.
I admit none of these thoughts to Jessa. “I only wanted the four of us to hang out before you and Xavier go to college and before I move to Las Vegas. That’s all.”
I fiddle with the thread on the hem of my shirt and pull it loose. Most of my shirts have thread missing at the hem. It’s one of my soothing bad habits. “It doesn’t matter if I’m in love with him or not. I’m moving. We’ll be hundreds of miles apart. Too much distance for us to try to start a relationship and make it work.”
Jessa sits down next to me on the wicker loveseat. “Distance or not, when you love someone, you find ways to make it work.”
True, but I’m not sure if JJ wants what I want. I’m not sure I know what I want. I’ve never really had a boyfriend. Trevor doesn’t count because all he wanted was one thing. What types of things go on in a relationship? How does a long-distance relationship thrive?
“Xavier has a long-distance relationship with his girlfriend,” Jessa tells me. “Maybe you and JJ could ask him for some tips.”
As though he’d been summoned, Xavier enters the room, stretching his muscles and squinting his eyes from the sunshine. “I didn’t come here to sit around watching TV. What do you have planned for us Clove?”
I don’t know anymore. My plans were simple; binge-watch shows and eat pizza until tomorrow.
I think about texting Mr. Sweeny’s grandson, Benjamin. We see each other pretty much every day at the ice cream truck. Lately, Benjamin has been flirting with me whenever customers aren’t around. I have to admit he’s cute and sometimes I flirt back. Last week, when he invited me to go skating with him and his cousins, it sort of felt like a date.
Tonight, another one of Benjamin’s cousins is having a party. The tricky part is that if we go, I would have to introduce Jessa and Xavier to Benjamin. He knows about them, but they don’t know about him because as far as I can tell, there’s nothing serious going on between me and Benjamin. We’re just co-workers who occasionally hang out when we’re off work... and sometimes flirt a little. Benjamin doesn’t know my dad’s a pastor or that I’m moving to Las Vegas in the fall and I prefer to keep it that way. Being here in Atlanta is like a clean slate for me.
I decide not to mix my old world with the new.
“We haven’t been to the movies in a while,” I suggest. “There’s that new movie out that me and Jess talked about.”
Xavier shakes his head while pulling his dreadlocks up into a man bun. “Nope, I’m going to see that with my friend this weekend. Don’t want to spoil it.”
“You mean your girlfriend?” Jessa teases.
Xavier shakes his head once again. “I didn’t say that. She’s just a friend.”
“You wouldn’t have driven all the way down here if she was just a friend,” Jessa says. “Invite her over. We wanna meet her.”
Xavier snorts. “Definitely not doing that. You guys will rip her apart.”
I’m thinking about asking Xavier about his long-distance relationship but change my mind because I know he’ll get suspicious and ask questions.
* * *
With nowhere else to go, we end up at Benjamin’s cousin’s party—which doesn’t feel much like a party. There are no red cups with alcohol, no crude people bumping into each other or getting sloppy drunk, and no insanely loud music. In fact, it’s quiet because every single person here is wearing headphones.
“It’s a listening party,” Benjamin tells us as we walk in. At the moment, his headphones are around his neck. He’s wearing a LaLaRue Records t-shirt, some khaki cargo shorts and some classic Air Force 1’s on his feet. I’d texted him over an hour ago to ask if we could still come. He said it’d be cool, but failed to mention what kind of party we’d be walking into.
Not waiting for my introduction, Xavier is the first to extend his hand. “I’m Xavier.”
“Benjamin,” Benjamin says. He looks at Jessa. “You must be Jessa.”
At a loss for words, Jessa nods vigorously. I can tell she thinks Benjamin is cute.
We’re standing in the oversized foyer of the house whose floor plan is similar to my Aunt Didi’s. There are white walls, stairs to the left, a dining room to the right, and a short hallway that probably leads to the kitchen, den, and living room.
“Come with me,” Benjamin says. “I’ll get you some headphones and show you where the food is.”
We follow Benjamin into the kitchen where there’s a spread of sandwich platters, fruit and cheese trays, several kinds of chips in a glass bowl rather than the bags they came in, and a crockpot of something that smells delicious. My stomach growls.
Benjamin looks inside a small plastic bin and removes two headphones attached to MP3 players. “I told my cousin we might need more but I guess this is all we have left.” Benjamin takes his MP3 from his pocket. “You can have mine, Clove.”
Before I can decline, he places his headphones over my ears. They’re warm and smell like the cologne he’s wearing; something citrusy and clean. It smells so good I almost close my eyes to bask in its aroma.
“What are we listening to?” Xavier asks.
“New local artists signed to my—to LaLaRue records.”
He said my. I want to ask what he means, but I don’t get the chance.
“Oh my gosh, I love LaLaRue. I’ve listened to every artist LaLaRue puts out. Isn’t that label somewhere here in Atlanta?”
Benjamin nods. “Yep. How long are you here for? I could get you hooked up with a tour. It’s closed today and tomorrow though.”
Jessa makes a disappointed sound with her mouth. “Dang! We’re only here for two days. That would’ve been awesome though.”
Once we’re all connected with the devices, Benjamin shows us how to navigate through the albums and tracks. He says if we get tired of all the songs, we can listen to the radio. “Help yourself to some food. Drinks are in the cooler. No alcohol though. My Aunt and Uncle are upstairs so this isn’t your typical house party.”
We nod, understanding and also appreciating the change from parties that we’ve been to before.
Xavier and Jessa put on their headphones and start pressing buttons on their MP3s.
“What are you going to do since you gave me your headphones?” I ask Benjamin.
He shrugs. “Read a book. Eat some food. Watch you.”
My heart skips a beat. Did he just say he’s going to watch me?
“Why would you watch me?”
“Sorry, does that sound creepy?”
I make a small gap between my finger and thumb. “Lil’ bit.”
Actually, it’s not that creepy. If it were someone else, maybe. But because it’s him, not so much.
He does a small, awkward laugh. “Yeah, I guess that does sound creepy. I didn’t mean it that way, though. I’mma just be over here gettin’ some food.”
It’s clear he’s embarrassed and anxious to get away from me. “Wait,” I say. “You said you might read a book. What book are you reading?”
His smile goes up on one side. “So, when I said book, I meant comic book. Me and my cousin collect and trade them all the time.”
I smile to myself. Yep, him, JJ, and Xavier would be good friends.
Xavier, looking like a kid in a candy store, pulls down his headphones. “Did you say comics?”
I bet Xavier never even turned the volume all the way up. There’s no way he could’ve heard Benjamin say that if he were actually listening to music.
Benjamin nods. “Yep. My cousin’s collection is upstairs. Wanna check it out?”
Xavier nods. “Say less, mane. You got any Black Panther?”
“All of ‘em.”
And they’re gone; off to view the world of comics. Jessa puts her headphones around her neck and whispers to me. “How do you work with him and not wanna pinch his butt all the time?”
I roll my eyes. “One, that’d be sexual harassment. Two, I don’t see him like that. He’s my co-worker.”
“Oh c’mon,” she says, almost too loud for the quiet room.
“Sshhh.”
“I know you’ve got a thing for JJ that you don’t want to admit, but either you’re going to tell JJ how you feel—for real, or you need to explore your options. And that Benjamin guy should definitely be one of your options.”