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You Were Meant for Me by Donny Hathaway.
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As I read the song lyrics, I hear JJ singing them. It makes me yearn to be at that wedding with him. The fact that he took the time to write all the words means so much. I look up the song on my phone and listen to it while reading JJ’s email over and over again until my Aunt knocks on my door to tell me she’s brought us all breakfast.
I follow my nose down the steps where hash browns, hotcakes, and sausage wait for me. Jessa already has a mouthful of hotcakes and Xavier is gulping down a glass of orange juice. Before I can sit down to bless my food, Xavier says, “I’m going to head out around noon. My girl invited me to meet her family.”
I fold my arms across my body and give him a hard time. “Oh, so you two are serious. Yesterday you didn’t want to call her your girlfriend and now you’re meeting the family.”
He grins sheepishly. “Yeah, well, it’s not like we’re getting married or anything. It’s just her dad is kind of like your dad; stern and has to meet and lecture everyone his daughter dates.”
As far as I know, my dad hasn’t lectured anyone—yet.
I can’t believe Xavier is leaving already. We barely got to do anything. I throw my hands out to the side. “Okay. Well, guess I’ll see you when you come back to get Jessa.”
We eat silently for a while, but I can tell Jessa’s holding something back.
“What is it, Jess?” Xavier asks, picking up on the same vibe.
Jessa picks at the flat round sausage on the Styrofoam plate. “It’s just...we’re all going separate ways after this summer. It’s kinda sad, ya know? We been friends for so long.”
Xavier slowly nods. “True. But we knew this day was coming. Clove’s moving. And you and I are going to college.”
“Poor JJ,” Jessa says. “He’s going to be in Smalltown without us.”
Xavier shakes his head. “I’ll still be in Smalltown, but at college. Trust me, I’ll see and talk to JJ all the time. He won’t be alone. Besides, you know how he is, he’ll be focused on school.”
That’s true. JJ has been gunning for the valedictorian spot ever since I can remember. When school begins he goes into academic beast mode, barely paying attention to anything else. Although, after my mom died, he didn’t seem overly focused on school. He spent a lot more time with me. We went running on the weekends to watch the sunset. It was the most beautiful thing ever. And I’m not just talking about the sun rising over the mountains. The way JJ’s cheeks would get all flushed after we ran; or the way he’d hold out his hand and help me up the hill. And then there was the time we held hands while we were on a college tour for spring break. We’d never done that before, but I remember having goosebumps—the good kind. Just thinking about it sends chills up my spine.
“Clove,” Xavier says. “Who are you thinking about?”
I come back to the present moment, a triangular shape of pancake is barely hanging from my fork. “Nothing,” I shrug.
Xavier smirks and exchanges a glance with Jessa. “Be real. Girls don’t have a nothing box in their brains. Besides, I asked who you were thinking about, not what.”
As I chew on my lip, Xavier begins to grin. “When are you going to tell JJ that you love him?’
The question catches me off guard and I choke on nothing but air. While I gulp down orange juice to clear my windpipe, Jessa pats me on the back.
“Wh-what makes you think I love him?” I ask, clearing my throat several times. “I love all yall.”
“Yes, we know,” Jessa says. “You’ve said that a buncha times. But you love JJ In a different way. Stop being scared.”
“You should tell him how you feel,” Xavier says.
What they don’t know is that I did sort of try to tell JJ how I felt. It was when we’d come back from skating over spring break. A song came on the radio and it said what I’d felt. But when I tried to tell JJ, he asked if I was sure that’s how I felt. At the time, I couldn’t give him a straight answer. I didn’t know if my feelings for him were real or if I was covering up the loss of my mom with a blanket of his kindness.
“I’m not scared,” I tell them. “It’s just...I don’t know if he feels the same way.”
Xavier lifts his almost empty glass of orange juice to his lips and says, “Only one way to find out.”