I’m sitting in my living quarters, if I can even call it that, going over emails. My clients have understood about my new schedule, and it’s been nice to go at a slightly slower pace. The two other financial advisers in my office have been working all the backend things for me as well.
Four years ago, this wouldn’t have been possible. I wasn’t able to take time off. I couldn’t make my own hours, and I sure as hell wouldn’t trust anyone to do what I could do. Now, I’m learning that I was an idiot.
An email comes in from Milo, and I open it immediately.
Declan,
I’ve done a bit of research regarding the company that submitted an offer on Sydney’s farm. It’s all on the up and up, but I can sense she’s apprehensive. Have you gotten any signals on which way she’s leaning?
The best person in the world,
Milo
I roll my eyes at his sign off and reply.
Jackass,
No, she hasn’t mentioned anything to me. Why is she apprehensive?
Man with the biggest dick ever,
Declan
I can’t wait to hear this response.
Sure enough, just a few seconds go by and my email pings.
Delusional Dickhead,
Let’s not even go there, mate. As for the lovely Sydney, I just know she wasn’t fully comfortable. The offer is above asking, and I have advised her to accept it, but she needed time. I can’t help but feel as though she’s running from something, not that we all don’t know what it could be ... you know, YOU.
I believe, as does Danielle, that she wants a family to take over. Someone who won’t divide the property and sell it off in pieces, but live there and love the place as she does.
The Undisputed God Amongst Men
I ignore the ending and desire to spar with him and focus on Sydney. She never mentioned wanting a specific type of buyer. Her goal is to leave Sugarloaf, so I figured that, if she got a good offer, she would take it.
Having a family buy it is a great idea, but it is not really what the current economic climate is doing, buying small dairy farms in the middle of Pennsylvania. No, the people here have been here. It’s a generational town. The more likely possibility would’ve been the neighboring farmers buying off her land to increase their own.
This need to fix this situation starts to build.
I know she’s leaving because I’m here, no matter what she says about wanting to be close to her family. There’s no reason for her to do that on my account. She’ll regret this decision in a few months, and I can’t let that happen.
I love her, and all I’ve ever wanted is for her to be happy and content. Forcing her to move away from her home and life is the exact opposite of what I’ve spent my life trying to do. It makes the sacrifice I made eight years ago completely worthless.
I can fix this.
I fire off three emails.
The first is to my accountant, instructing him to create an LLC. It’ll act as a shell company to hide who I am.
The second is to my investment company, and it outlines my request for them to wire money against my company line of credit into the shell once it’s formed. I need a few days to liquidate that type of money.
The third is to Milo.
I’m buying her farm. I want you to act as my broker. Keep my name out of it, but get the deal done for me.
Declan
I get a response back from Milo immediately.
And there’s a grand gesture if I’ve ever seen one. Still want to continue lying about how you’re not in love with her, want to marry her, and be happy?
Don’t worry, I’ll get it done.
Milo
Looks like I’m going to have roots in Sugarloaf no matter what my plans are.
This time, it doesn’t feel like a prison sentence. It’s the right choice, and it’s something I can give to her because I have nothing else to give. I know in my heart that Sydney doesn’t really want to go. She loves this town, her home, and the farm. I’m only here temporarily, and when I leave, she’ll have what matters most to her.
“How long are you out for?” I ask Sean. Earlier this evening, he twisted his knee while attempting to steal second base.
I don’t normally watch his games, but Connor and I were stuck at his place while Ellie and Hadley were doing a girls’ day with Devney and Sydney. So, we were able to see the whole thing.
As soon as it happened, I called him, even knowing he doesn’t have his phone on him during games, but it looked horrible on television. It doesn’t help to listen to the announcers give their un-expert opinions on what it all means either.
For hours, Connor and I waited for Sean to finally call back.
“I don’t know yet. I have another MRI tomorrow, but so far, they haven’t seen anything in the first scans, so that’s hopeful.”
“I’m sorry, man.”
Baseball is Sean’s life. It’s what keeps him from going crazy. He lives for game days, and I know it’ll kill him to have to sit out.
“Whatever. If I have to have surgery or something else, at least it’ll work out timing wise to be back ... there.”
He already got it worked out to be here during the off-season anyway, so I guess it works out in a fucked-up way.
“It’s not as bad as I thought it would be,” I admit.
“Well, Syd is there.”
“Yes, but that’s not why.”
Sean laughs. “I love you, Dec, but you’re a fucking idiot. I would give anything for a woman like her.”
He could have a woman like her. Devney has been his best friend since some asshole pushed him, and she punched the guy. They were in second grade. That was all it took for him to fall in love with her, only he never had the balls to tell her. Instead, they pretend as though there isn’t a damn thing between them, and it’s fucking insane.
“Sure you wouldn’t.”
“Don’t start with this shit about Devney again. She and I aren’t anything more than friends. If I did care about her, I wouldn’t be able to give her advice on love and other shit.”
He’s so delusional. Neither of them has ever had anything serious enough to scare the other. They date, sometimes even for longer than I ever could handle it, but in the end, there’s always something wrong with the other person.
It allows them to keep up their bullshit and remain unattached in case the other finds the courage.
“I could give Syd love advice if I knew it would never matter.”
“All right, asshole, do this for me.” Sean’s voice is hard, and I know I’m pissing him off. “Think about Sydney with a guy—any guy—and tell me that you could give her pointers on how to make him happy.”
Rage at another man that doesn’t exist claws at me. My hands start to sweat and bile begins to rise in my throat. This reaction is exactly why I never think about this shit. She’s mine, and I would do anything for her, including spend millions to buy her farm without her knowing. The tightness in my throat makes it hard to breathe, and I hate my brother for making me even entertain the thought.
“Fair enough.”
“That’s what I thought.” He laughs once. “Imagine loving her the way you do and trying to help her work on shit with some idiot. It wouldn’t happen. No matter how strong you try to tell yourself that you are.”
“I also haven’t ever denied loving her. I know what it feels like to have her, to see her eyes on mine and know she loves me. It’s a different thing, Sean. I’m not saying you can’t put your feelings aside. We all know you’re a master at it.”
“I’m not a master at it. I just don’t want to fight all the time. We had enough of that in our childhood, I’d like to have some damn peace.”
“There is no peace here,” I say and then pinch the bridge of my nose.
Sean goes quiet for a second. “You could have peace, Dec. The war inside you has nothing to do with Sugarloaf. It has to do with regret. We all thought we’d be like Dad so we purposely did everything opposite. We didn’t get married, didn’t have kids, didn’t allow ourselves to put down roots or start a family. And in the end, for all we know, he died happy. And look at us.”
Yeah, look at us. I’m in fucking agony each time I see Sydney.
“Are you unhappy?” I ask.
“I don’t know. I love baseball and I have a great life, but … sure, there’s room for more. We’re moving off this topic.” Sean leaves no room for debate. “I’ll be back next week for the wedding, and hopefully, I’ll have some answers about my knee. So far though, it looks like it’s nothing and I’ll be back out there for the next series.”
“Good, I guess it looked worse than it was.”
“Yeah, thank God.”
My head is a mess, but the last thing I want is my brother to be unhappy. “Look, I just want to say one more thing. It may be too late for me, but it’s not for you to find someone. You’re a good guy, and I know that kids and a wife are something you’ve always wanted.”
Sean is quiet for a minute. “And why is it too late for you?”
I glance out toward the field that divides me from what I want most in this world and grip the windowsill. “Because I lost the only person who could ever be worth it, but I’m not good enough for her. She’s leaving and I have to let her go.”
“And that’s where you’re a fool. That woman thinks you’re more than enough. Maybe it’s time you start believing it yourself.”