ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

This book has its own life, one that began in my kitchen with conversations over a cup of tea or glass of wine with my daughter, Rowan Mangan. She became my travelling companion on this voyage back into my past and into the unknown of writing and memory. From the beginning, and despite my reticence, she believed this was a story that should be told. Her unswerving confidence in my ability to tell it spurred me on. Drawing on her brilliant writing skills and her profound understanding of the issues I was facing, she supported me through each phase of this journey. Her insights encouraged me to go deeper and further – and to keep going.

At the heart of this book are my dearest friends, Julianne Gilroy and Michael Dransfield. As I was writing and remembering, they became increasingly present in my inner world, giving of themselves almost as open-heartedly as they had when they were alive. Without them, this story would not exist; they are its heart, its rhythm and pulse. That Michael’s voice can be heard in these pages is due to the kindness and generosity of his mother, Elspeth Dransfield. Her permission to quote from Michael’s poems and letters allowed a vital thread and texture to be included in this story. Elspeth’s gift and Michael’s poem ‘Geography III’ have become for me the soul of the book.

Julianne came from a large and loving family whose warm encouragement and sensitive readings gave me firm ground beneath my feet. To Julianne’s family, particularly her mother, Françoise Gilroy, and her sisters Andrée Ernest, Michelle O’Regan, and Yvette Gilroy, is owed this book’s spirit – especially its commitment to celebrating Julianne’s love of life and her passionate intellect.

There have been a number of heroes in the life of this book. Annie Keogh’s readings, her wisdom and advice, and her deep understanding of the ethical and personal issues involved, have been a touchstone in my attempt to reach through to the emotional truth of the story.

With Rodney Hall, Michael’s mentor, editor and friend, I exchanged memories and shared experiences of Michael’s unique way of being in the world. These conversations and Rodney’s generous reading of the manuscript made me realise that one of the things I wanted to do in these pages was capture Michael’s mercurial spirit – despite knowing that such an aim was ultimately impossible.

As I attempted to open up to the real of the past, the insights of Patricia and Livio Dobrez, their thoughtful responses to the manuscript and their perceptive intuitions throughout the writing of the book, encouraged me to believe in the value of my subjective experience.

Other heroes of this book’s life include Barbara Hiller, whose friendship, insights and sense of humour have been an inspiration and joy; Pat Walsh, Mayra Walsh, Joy Dahl, Sean Mangan, Annalea Beattie, Harry Zable and Penny Wagstaff for their invaluable readings and support; Diana Sima for kindly sharing her copies of photos; Christopher Ash for giving permission to use his photo for the cover and Garry Benson and Ros Osborne for their photos; and Kate McNamara for designating me ‘the narrator of our youth’, a blessing that was for me a moving and significant closing moment in this book’s evolution.

I didn’t start out with the intention of writing a memoir. Rather, I intended to write about Michael’s poetry. The idea for the book came from Susan Bradley Smith, inspiring supervisor of my PhD thesis, and was supported by the staff in the English Department at La Trobe University.

My family, including my parents Ron and Pat Keogh, have been pivotal to this book’s trajectory. They have given freely of their love and support throughout my life. My siblings’ generous and personal responses to the manuscript reminded me that in every family there are hundreds of different stories. The enthusiastic support of mine, from Jane Irene Keogh, John Keogh, Jim Keogh, Anne Keogh, Phillip Keogh and Robert Keogh, propelled my memoir forward.

Finally, Martin Hughes and the great team at Affirm Press put their faith in this book, initially through their inaugural 2015 Mentorship Award and later through their work preparing it for publication. Kate Goldsworthy’s committed and skilful editing has been vital; she has been midwife to its birth, expertly and gracefully ensuring its safe and healthy delivery into the world. Ruby Ashby-Orr has also given her editing expertise and insightful feedback. Varuna, the National Writers House, ran the Affirm Press Mentorship Program and provided an invaluable week-long residency in the beautiful Blue Mountains.

To all the above, I am deeply grateful. Without you, I wouldn’t have completed this journey into the past or experienced the healing that telling my story made possible. Without your generosity and insights, this book would not be as it is or where it is. My heartfelt thanks.