The morning of the regatta, I got two messages under my door. One was a notice that, due to an anticipated storm midday on Saturday, the opening race would start at eight a.m. instead of nine. No problem. I’d just have to find Early and tell him about the eight o’clock start time. I knew he wouldn’t have received a notice, as I was the registered rower. All the other boys were racing as singles. I’d been allowed to have a coxswain because I was a beginner, but with the extra weight of another person in my boat, no one expected me to win.
Early was probably in the workshop. The night before, he’d said he was going to get up early and polish the brass nameplate. The one engraved with the words Sweetie Pie; the one that we’d taken off the boat before we rebuilt her. He wanted to screw it back on the boat before the race. Anyway, we would have plenty of time to get the Sweetie Pie from the Nook, nameplate and all, and get her into starting position by race time. Dad would be there for the sunrise breakfast and could get settled to watch with the other parents.
I put down the first message and picked up the other. It was from the telegraph office in town. I tore open the envelope.
The note was typewritten and read:
Jack,
Inclement weather STOP Shore leave postponed STOP Unable to join you for scheduled meeting STOP Will contact you when next possible STOP
Capt. Baker
I couldn’t believe it. He wouldn’t be here for the regatta. He wouldn’t be here at all. Unable to join you for scheduled meeting. Was that the way he thought of it? A meeting? An obligation? For some reason the image of me punching Melvin Trumboldt in the face came to mind. Only this time there was no one to hit.
I looked down at the note once more, then tore it into little pieces and threw it in the trash can. So what if he wasn’t coming? I didn’t need him to be there.
What happened next might not have been what happened next if I hadn’t run into Preston Townsend as I opened my door to go find Early.
“Hey, Baker. You know they upped the race time to eight o’clock, right?”
“Yeah, I heard.”
“Good, because I’d hate for you to miss me winning.” That wasn’t it. That was just the usual banter that goes on before any race. It was what he said next.
“And don’t forget your babysitter,” he called over his shoulder as he went on his way.
My jaw clenched. My babysitter. My coxswain. Early. I didn’t need him—I could win that race on my own. My arms were strong and ready. My legs felt like they could outpump anyone. And the last few times I’d been on the water, I’d rowed straight as an arrow. I could do this by myself.
All by myself. It was at that moment that I decided to do something worse than hit someone in the face. I crumpled the note with the earlier start time in my sweaty fist. Then I ran to the Nook and removed the coxswain seat from its place on my boat.
Seven boats were lined up in the starting position. Dark clouds lurked in the distance, but for the time being, the bay water was smooth as glass. Proud parents lined the shore, waving blue-and-white pennants, and all were treated to cups of hot chocolate in anticipation of the opening race. The eighth-grade competition would start the regatta, followed by the races of the freshmen, sophomores, juniors, then seniors. The regatta would end with awards and a big lunch in the cafeteria, with sandwiches, clam chowder, biscuits, coleslaw, and blueberry pie.
As I lowered myself onto the rowing seat, I felt a twinge of guilt at having ditched Early. But I didn’t imagine my father felt too guilty about having ditched me, so I strapped on the leather clogs and took hold of the oars. I knew that Preston Townsend was to my right, and that Sam Feeney and Robbie Dean were in the two boats to my left, but I stared straight ahead, trying to get my bearings.
Mr. Blane yelled for the opening ceremony of the regatta to begin. Headmaster Conrady led the opening prayer over the crackling loudspeaker. I wasn’t paying too much attention at first, but heard his closing scripture reading.
“ ‘Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off every weight that slows us down and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.’ ”
Mostly what I heard was the part about throwing off every weight that slows us down. See, there was even a Bible verse to justify what I’d done. Wasn’t Early extra weight on the boat?
I barely heard the starting command, and even as I took my first stroke, I knew I had made a huge mistake. But I kept rowing.
The regatta course began near the dock and went straight across the bay, around a buoy, and back to where the starting line became the finish line. I started off okay, and my strokes were strong and confident. Until I neared the buoy for the turnaround.
I could see the flags waving onshore, parents and students cheering. I found myself scanning the faces. I knew the captain wasn’t there. Still, I couldn’t help looking for someone in a navy uniform. But the colors all blurred together.
By the time I glanced back over my shoulder, I had lost sight of the buoy. The other boats had already made their turn and were heading back toward the finish line. I must have overshot. I attempted to make my turn. But without Early there to call the commands—PICK IT! FIRM UP! EVEN IT OUT!—I could only heave and wobble with little control and even less direction. The Sweetie Pie made a wide arc that steered it dangerously close to the rocky shore on the far side of Wabenaki Bay. I bore down on the starboard oar but only managed to leave the whole port side of the boat vulnerable to the jagged rocks, and before I could get back on course, I heard a horrible grating sound.
A great black rock jutted out from the shore. It had probably been there for a millennium, but it seemed to have been lying in wait for this very moment as it tore through the side of the Sweetie Pie.
The maple and oak were strong. There was even some mahogany. I thought maybe the boat could withstand the assault, but water had already started pooling around my feet. I had finally completed my turn and, looking back over my shoulder, I saw the other boats halfway toward the finish line that seemed miles away. I was strong, and all that was left was a straight line. I could get there. But the water kept coming.
I tried to conjure up Early’s voice in my head. POWER TEN! POWER TWENTY! I checked over my shoulder again. The finish line was in sight, but my feet were completely underwater. Another few strokes and the boat would be sunk. Every muscle in my body was strained to the point of breaking. My arms, back, and legs nearly screamed with every stroke. I was the last boat to near the finish, and my mind was in a panic. The thought of sinking my boat in front of this crowd was unimaginable. I couldn’t think. Could barely breathe. But Early’s voice stayed clear in my head. SETTLE! SETTLE. EVEN IT UP. EVEN IT UP. EASY. EASY OARS.
I came to a stop next to the dock and heaved my shaking body out of the boat. Some eyes were on me and the sinking Sweetie Pie, but many had already moved on to congratulate the boys who had finished with boats still intact. Others were gearing up for the next race. Somehow I’d been saved from an embarrassment beyond recovery. I looked down at my soggy shoes, and on the dock, I saw a little brass plate engraved with the words Sweetie Pie. It was the brass nameplate that Early had polished and planned to put back on the racing boat.
Mr. Blane was on hand to help me pull the ragged boat from the water. “Tough race, Baker. We’ll work on those turns after break. Looks like the storm’s moving fast. You’d better get packed to go,” he said as the sky opened up and the rain sent everyone running for shelter. I nodded but wasn’t really listening. I looked around, scanning the faces for just one: Early Auden’s. Holding the nameplate, rain soaking through my clothes, I realized I hadn’t been imagining Early’s voice out there in the boat. He had been calling commands to me from the dock. But he was gone.
I hung my head, knowing that I had hit Early as surely as I had hit Melvin. Right in the face.
By nightfall, the dormitory was eerily quiet. After the eighth-grade race, the storm had moved in, and with the wind whipping and the rain pouring down, everyone had run to the cafeteria for a quick lunch. Then suitcases were loaded up and boys bustled into waiting cars. Kids whose families lived too far away were invited to friends’ homes. Sam was going with Robbie Dean to Portland, while Preston was going hunting with his father. Even Mr. Blane, the faculty dorm monitor, had gone to Boston to visit family and attend the upcoming Fall Math Institute.
Someone might have invited me home out of pity if they’d known I was going to be alone, but I was supposed to be going to Portland with my dad.
It was dark and cold. I kept the light off in my room as I sat in the window seat, listening to the rain and eating the last of the blueberry pie I’d brought back from lunch. I pulled my blanket around my shoulders and tried to read the clock, but it was too dark. I knew it was late, probably past ten.
As I stared out the window into the moonless night, events of the day swam through my mind. Receiving my dad’s message. Preston’s taunts. Removing Early’s coxswain seat. The rocks gouging the side of the Sweetie Pie. Early’s commands that guided me back to the dock. Mr. Blane saying “Tough race.” But mostly I remembered the feeling of being lost and unable to determine my course. Staring out the window was like looking into a deep, dark ocean, and I imagined myself floating, drifting with no direction under a starless sky.
I hunkered down in the window seat, drowning in my own miserable thoughts. Four months earlier, I’d been a normal Kansas kid enjoying my summer vacation, and now here I was, with nowhere to call home, at a school with no baseball, unable to row a boat straight. My heart squeezed as I tried not to think of the biggest loss of all.
I pushed aside the thoughts of the day. Usually some comforting words of my mom’s would come to mind, but just then, I couldn’t hear her. Instead, the rest of what Mr. Blane had said floated back to me. Tough race, Baker.… Storm’s moving fast.… You’d better get packed to go.
It was that last part, better get packed to go.… Every student had to have signed permission to leave campus, and I’d been checked off to leave. The telegram from my father had arrived that morning, but I was the only one who had read it. During all the hubbub of kids loading up in the rain, Mr. Blane must have assumed my father had come to collect me, just like all the other parents who had picked up their sons, bustling them off to be with family and friends.
No one knew I was still here. I really was adrift. No tether. No anchor. I saw a sudden burst of lightning, and my pulse quickened. There was something intoxicating about being completely alone and unaccounted for. I could travel to California or Kentucky or Kansas, and no one would even know I was gone until the following Sunday, when everyone would return to school. Of course, I didn’t really know how to get to any of those places. That was the nature of being lost. You had the freedom to go anywhere, but you didn’t really know where anywhere was.
I thought of the Fish and wondered about him in France before he was killed. Was he alone? Was he lost? Was it dark? The darkness outside seemed to tighten its hold on me. Suddenly being alone didn’t feel so intoxicating. It just felt … lonely. Again I strained to find my mother’s voice. But there was only the spatter of rain and the deafening darkness.
Then I saw a light. It was tiny, insignificant, but I knew from many a game of hide-and-seek on the open prairie that even the smallest light can shine like a beacon. I peered harder through the window and realized it was coming from the basement of the upper school. Early’s workshop. I sat up straight, and a wave of relief washed over me. Even though there were no stars to guide me, no landmarks to set a course by, not even my mother’s voice to comfort me, I realized I did have some bearings. There were certain things I knew to be true.
It was raining, so I knew that Billie Holiday was singing on the record player. I knew Early’s workshop was warm and inviting. I knew there were peanut butter sandwiches at the ready. And I knew Early was there. I wasn’t alone.
I pulled on my slicker and headed across campus to the workshop.