13. |
Discover Your Rules |
No discussion about values would be complete without talking a little bit about the rules we each assign to experiencing a value — what has to happen for us to feel that a particular value is being met. Say the value in question is receiving recognition. For one person to feel his contribution is receiving recognition may require him to be praised in front of the team, while another individual may be fine with being texted, “Good job.” Understanding other people’s rules, especially those closest to you, can go a long way toward ensuring better communications and more harmonious relationships.
You can increase the likelihood of bringing about your desired states simply by making sure your rules for them are easy to follow. For example, if you want to be happy, make it easy for yourself. If your rule for experiencing happiness was something like “Every day above ground is a happy day,” you would feel happy most of the time. Some people have so many rules for what makes them happy that happiness becomes almost impossible to achieve, so they spend their lives being miserable.
On the other side of the coin, you’ll want to make it difficult or impossible to experience the feeling of failure. My personal rule for failure is that in order to experience it, I would have to completely give up. Since I’m not about to do that, it is virtually impossible for me to fail. Sure, I may experience setbacks. Not everything I do works out according to plan. However, I believe it all happens for a reason and there is something for me to learn from every experience, regardless of the outcome. After all, many times I have been in a situation that could have been considered a total failure, but it turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to me.
Years ago, when I woke up in a hospital bed, spiritually, mentally, physically, and financially bankrupt as a result of the excessive lifestyle habits I had developed, I thought my life was over. In reality, it was the best thing that has ever happened to me, pulling me up from a life that had been miserable and allowing me to do the work I do now. Had I not hit that bottom, I would have never asked for the help I needed with my problem and had the spiritual rebirth I’ve experienced, nor would I have been able to touch the lives of so many people with my work. A big part of why people like my books and programs is that they know I have been through the pain and that I walk my talk. I use all the principles I write about, and my life keeps getting better and better.
In your journal, next to the list of values you wrote earlier, write one or two things that have to happen for you to feel that each value has been met.