CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX - ANDREW

 

“Have you talked to her?” Pierce asks.

“You know I haven’t. She blocked me.”

“Blocked you?” He kinda laughs. “Lame.”

“I know. She’s being ridiculous.”

“Not her, you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah. Blocked you? What are you, fourteen? You can’t get around a call block?”

“I stop by her door and knock four times a day. She’s not there.”

“So go find her,” Pierce says, fucking with the TV remote.

I know where she might be. And I could go over there, but I don’t think Zoey liked me before, and now? Yeah.

Pierce is in my office today because I just stopped visiting him. Going anywhere, actually. So a couple days ago he started showing up here. Kinda took over and claimed one of the chairs that used to be in front of my desk as his new throne. He’s got it pushed it up against the window for effect or something. That’s where he’s sitting now.

I’m not pissed off at him, even though he thinks I am. I mean… I have no reason to be pissed off at him.

Pierce sighs and then points the remote at the TV. “There she is.”

Yup. There she is. In all her cupcake glory.

She and Zoey are on a local morning show trying to explain and come to terms with their newfound celebrity.

Those cameras Pierce had at the Big Reveal last week actually wound up getting a local goldmine of footage and that shit was on TV that night. Since then Eden and Zoey have been lying low, but at some point you gotta make a statement.

Sexpert is booming. Like last I looked they had five million subscribers.

Pierce is unusually calm about that.

I look at him, leaning forward in his new throne, elbows on knees, staring intently at the screen as the morning show introduces the Sexpert. Or Sexperts, since they are partners.

“Why do you torture yourself?” I ask him.

He reluctantly drags his eyes away from the TV. “What do you mean?”

“Watching them succeed? It’s gotta hurt. It was your idea and all.”

He shrugs and turns the volume up.

“So,” the morning host says. She’s blonde, young, and perky. “Eden and Zoey, what a difference a week makes! How are you handling your newfound success?”

“Well,” Zoey says, taking control. Eden just sits there and smiles, her perfect cupcakes well-hidden underneath a professional blazer. “We’re a very young company, but we’re making the most of it. We’ve gotten several job offers since—“

“Several?” Pierce snorts. “No wonder Eden hasn’t returned my calls.”

Now he knows her name, that’s for damn sure. “Why would she?”

Pierce looks at me, brows furrowed. “Why wouldn’t she?”

“Uh… because you went insane. And had her outed on camera.”

He points his finger at me. “I think that was you, mon petit chou.”

“What’s that mean?”

“Term of affection. Means, literally, my little cabbage.”

I love how I’m getting all the blame for this current shitstorm when all I was trying to do was be loyal. And honest.

I huff. I guess I should probably reconsider my values since loyalty and honesty don’t get you far.

“And then, you know”—Zoey is still talking—“I got pregnant and the father wasn’t involved, so we just… we needed a way to support ourselves. And yeah, we’ve seen a lot of nasty comments on the videos. Saying we’re exploiting Eden’s assets. But…” She pauses to shrug. “Hell, they’re hers to exploit if she wants. We’re not hurting anyone. So yeah.” She smiles. “We’re doing this.”

“And, Eden, how do you feel about it?”

She’s doing one of those teeth-clenched grins, staring right at the camera. She clears her throat and pushes her glasses up her nose, and God, I miss that. “I’m just… you know. Making things up for new videos. And looking forward to the future, of course.” She smiles uncomfortably again. “I mean, it’s been stressful because I’m running out of desserts to sexify—“ Everyone laughs.

Pierce huffs.

“—so that’s challenging. There aren’t as many phallic desserts as you might think,” she says, finding her rhythm. “I mean, aside from the cannoli and the éclair, how many long pastries can you squirt on camera? Am I right?” More laughing on screen.

I crack a smile. Just a little one.

“Well, there’s the ladyfinger,” the hostess says.

“Oh.” Eden points to her. “Good one, Jackie! Can I steal that?”

“Only if I can give you the tip to go with it!” Jackie exclaims, winking for the camera.

“Deal.” Eden snorts.

They all laugh more.

She’s so. Fucking. Cute.

Pierce points the remote at the TV and turns it off. “Well, a man can only watch his own demise for so long. I mean, the lawyers are still pushing forward so we’re not quite done fighting. But it’s going to be a bitter win when it comes and—“

“What?” I say. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

“What what?”

“You’re still going to try to take her to court?”

“Why would I just give in?” Pierce asks. “It was my idea.”

“You’re the one who was saying maybe it wasn’t last week when she walked out.”

“I’ve had a change of heart.”

“You mean, you saw the five million subscribers on YouTube and decided to take a piece of her pie.”

“Nice.” He laughs. “But yes. It’s just business.”

“You can’t win this.”

“I think I can. I have money, and power, and the best lawyers in the state. At the very least I have something to negotiate with.”

“So you really do want a piece of her pie?”

“Of course,” he says. “I’d be stupid to let her get away with this.”

“Wow,” I say. “You’re a dick.”

“Me? No. I’m just trying to save my magazine.”

“Is that all you think about?”

“What else is there to think about?”

“Um… well, let’s start with a healthy dose of human decency for one.”

“You know as well as anyone that human decency doesn’t go far.”

“Fuck you,” I say.

“Fuck you back,” he says. “Do you have any idea what I had to promise Myrtle to get her to stay on as my assistant?”

I picture long nights of Pierce being handcuffed in Myrtle’s secret dungeon lair as she stands over him in thigh-high latex boots holding a whip.

“She now makes more than my VP. And she’s hostile.”

“She was always hostile.”

“No, she was assertive. Now she’s just angry. And that’s all because of you. You knew it wasn’t her and you let me embarrass her in front of the whole company.”

I sigh. We’ve been over this a dozen times and hell, I’ve done nothing but apologize to him—and Myrtle, and let me tell you, apologizing to Myrtle isn’t something I ever want to do again—so what more can I say?

“I’m sorry.” I just give in and say it again. Because… whatever.

“So yeah,” Pierce continues. “I’m going all in on this little fight. I deserve something out of it.”

I just look at him. Like… seriously. How is this guy my best friend? Maybe it’s me who makes bad choices?

“They’re gonna slaughter you.”

“I’m ready.”

“You’re gonna be the sole reason this magazine goes down.”

“At least I’ll go down fighting.”

“Dude.” I laugh. “You can’t win this. These are two young women with a solid high-concept idea. One of whom is a single mother with no child support, the other is being attacked by her former employer for succeeding. That relationship with your father? Gone. Because this magazine won’t recover from a PR nightmare like that. Not to mention, you’re just an asshole for even considering it. Just do the world a favor and accept the fact that she had the idea first and didn’t steal it, OK? Because we’re all tired of your fake aristocratic attitude. You’re not a king. You’re just a sad, sad man with daddy problems.”

He purses his lips and nods his head. “Yeah, OK. But at least I’m being honest with you. Which is more than you’re doing with me.”

“What? What the fuck does that mean?”

He shrugs. “You’re still holding a grudge. So why should I give up mine?”

“She lied to me.”

“Whoopty-do! She lied to me too. So we’re even.”

“We’re not even. I’m not the one trying to ruin her life.”

“Then why do you feel so guilty about what you did?”

“I don’t.”

“Well,” he says quietly. “Then you’re the sad one, Andrew. Because you found a girl you liked. And she liked you back. And talk about a royal fuckup? You’re the king of that kingdom. I’m not gonna sue her, asshole. I’m just trying to make a point.”

“What point?”

“I wanted to see what side you’d land on.”

“Side? What?”

“It was a test.”

“A test? What? What the fuck? What are you doing right now?”

“Doesn’t feel very good, does it? You are the one who ruined this. And I’m not talking about the magazine. I’m talking about the relationship. And your litmus test just proves that you’re the asshole here, not me. I dunno. I’m just doing some shit I read about in one of our articles. Reverse transference, or... something. Some way to make a chick think she’s crazy. But I’m just using it on you. Doesn’t mean I’m not right.”

I laugh. Guffaw, actually.

“You got fucked over by a woman once and now you’ve got this test to see if people are worthy. Well, good luck with that. Because your standard is impossible to meet. You set them up. Just like I set you up. Beautifully, I’ll add.”

“Honesty?” I say. “That’s an impossible standard?”

“Trust is earned. You didn’t earn it. You just expected it.”

I pause to mull that over. “Say more.”

Pierce stands up, buttons his suit coat, and says, “Mon chou, if I’ve got to explain that part to you, well… watch the video. Take a good look at it. Because that look on your face when she’s up there on that stage?” He sighs. “It hurts me to see it. It really hurts me. Because once upon a time you were the far better guy in this friendship and somehow…” He shakes his head. “I dunno. Somehow, we’re now equal. And I always figured maybe one day I’d learn to be more like you. Not the other way around.”

And then he walks out.

“I’m not the one avoiding her!” I yell after him. “She blocked me!”

But all I get back is a faint, “Boohoo,” as he makes his way out of the Aureality offices.

It’s bullshit. I mean… what the actual fuck? I’m not the one who lied. Repeatedly. I’m the one who was trying to help. I’m the one who has his back. I’m the one who got her that deal, a great deal too. And she’s the one who refused to take it.

Right?

Right?

I flip the TV on to see if they’re still interviewing them on the morning show, but they’re not. They’re gone.

So I do a search for the Sexpert, and not because Pierce told me to, either. It’s just… I haven’t seen it yet. I’ve been avoiding it, actually. The first video is the one about blow jobs, but the one right below it is the footage at the TDH building last week.

I press play and the sound comes on. Pierce and I are on stage. He looks stressed. I look… I lean a little to make sure I’m seeing this right. Because I look…

Smug.

Do I? Or am I making that up?

Oh, no. No. I’m definitely smiling.

Jesus. Was I happy that morning? I honestly don’t recall smiling like that.

There’s no footage of Eden at this point. No one was looking at her while Pierce was doing his little act up on stage. But as soon as he says Myrtle’s name, a camera goes looking for her. Finds her. She’s laughing it off while Eden… Eden is horrified.

The goons appear and start dragging Myrtle away, but I catch a glimpse of Eden, who is not watching Myrtle, but staring up at the stage.

At me, I realize.

The angle flashes back to the stage to find Pierce’s reaction. He looks… devastated. And I look… holy shit.

Am I laughing? What the fuck is wrong with me?

Eden makes her way up on stage and the whole thing changes, the focus no longer on Myrtle’s valiant attempt to beat the shit out of her security detail as she’s led up the aisle to be booted from the company, and now it’s all directed to Eden’s speech on stage.

I’m standing next to her. In the very same spot I started out in next to Pierce. And again… I’m smiling. Like this whole thing is my proudest moment.

I blink at me on the screen.

Unable to recognize myself.

Holy shit. No wonder she blocked me.

My self-righteous gloating is… sad.

Who are you, Andrew Hawthorne?

What have you become?