Chapter 36

Kiana barely slept that night. She kept having nightmares and each nightmare was the exact same thing over and over. She kept reliving the fight on the top of the Space Needle, time and time again, and each time seemed scarier than the last. She kept seeing the man go over the edge, and she kept hearing the sound of his scream as he fell. The sound echoed incessantly in her mind and threatened to drive her completely insane.

And then her dreams started to get surreal. She started seeing the man’s face, in a field of black, and he kept repeating, “You killed me. You killed me” over and over. And then his face morphed into a grotesque, pale skull, covered in blood, and it said, “You’re a murderer, Kiana. A cold-blooded murderer.”

She woke with a start. Her bedroom light was on and Michael and Christine were standing above her. Michael was saying her name repeatedly, clearly trying to wake her. She was covered with sweat and her blankets and sheets were on the floor to the side of the bed, clearly where she had kicked them off as she had tossed and turned during the night.

“What happened?” She was confused and disoriented.

“You had a nightmare,” Michael said. “You were screaming so loudly you probably woke Mrs. Ogglesby.”

She tried to sit up but was instantly overcome with grief. “I can’t believe what I did. I can’t believe I killed that man.”

“We already went over this during the mission debriefing with Beckman, remember? You did not kill that man.”

“He’s dead, isn’t he?”

“He is, but not because you killed him.”

“I threw him off of the Space Needle.”

“You threw him off of you. You did not throw him off of the Space Needle. He fell off of the Space Needle.”

Ever so slowly, it was all coming back to her. They had had this same discussion back at Beckman’s office roughly an hour after the mission had concluded. The minute the adults learned what had happened, they had immediately set about trying to comfort her and help her understand the difference between an accident (which was what they claimed had happened) and a murder. Despite their repeated attempts, Kiana was still overcome with grief and struggling with the difference between the two. She wanted to believe what they had said, she wanted to desperately, but even so she was having a difficult time doing so.

“What if that man had a family? What if he had kids, like me? Or even younger. They’ll never get to see their father again.”

“There’s nothing you can do about it. You just have to move on. It’s not easy but you’ve got to do it.”

“This spy work isn’t what I thought it would be. I didn’t know I would end up killing people. I’m not certain I want to do it anymore.”

“That’s fine. You’re always free to leave the agency whenever you’d like. Beckman has already placed you on indefinite leave and she will not be sending you on any more assignments until you’re ready. And we have counselors at the agency and they’re at your disposal if you want to see them.”

“I don’t need any counselors. And I’ve already made up my mind. I’m tired of getting shot and I’m tired of killing people. I’m done. I’m not a spy anymore.”

“Whatever you want. That’s fine.”

At that, Kiana’s career as a secret agent came to a quick and unexpected end.

At least for a little while.