Poop

The Scoop on Poop

What Kind of Poo Are You? The Bristol Stool Scale

In 1997, Dr. Ken Heaton, from the University of Bristol in the UK, successfully potty-trained sixty-six volunteers to poop for science. Each of these volunteers changed their daily diets, swallowed special marker pellets, and kept a diary (yes, a diary) of their individual poops. Dr. Heaton then took these diary entries and came up with the Bristol Stool Scale, AKA the Meyers Scale, AKA the Poop Chart!

 

Why a chart? Pooping is [supposed to be] easy, but talking about it can be hard. Dr. Heaton wanted to help patients better describe the shapes and types of their poops to their doctors. The chart is also designed to help doctors diagnose potential digestive problems. Talk about taking toilet talk to new heights!

 

 

TYPE 1: LITTLE, HARD, AND LUMPY POOP NUGGETS THAT HURT AS THEY MAKE THEIR WAY INTO THE WORLD

• Could be a sign of constipation.

TYPE 2: LUMPY SAUSAGE POOP

• Another sign of constipation!

TYPE 3: SAUSAGE LOG FULL OF CRACKS

• Did you push out this poop in one minute or less?

• Was it soft and easy to pass?

• if you answered yes to both of these questions, congratulations! You’ve got yourself a healthy poop! Flush, wash your hands, and have a nice day!

 

TYPE 4: LONG, SMOOTH, SAUSAGE SNAKE

• This is a grade A poop right here! If only all poops could be so smooth and easy. Aim for dropping out one of these babies every one to three days!

TYPE 5: BLOBBY POOP NUGGETS WITH CLEAR EDGES

• Good news: Easy on the exit

• Bad news: They knock without warning and could be a sign that diarrhea is coming to visit.

TYPE 6: FLUFFY, MUSHY, AND FRAYED

• Three or more of these in a single day, and you are definitely dunkin’ some diarrhea. Be sure c to drink plenty of water and drinks containing electrolytes.

TYPE 7: POOP SOUP

• If your poop is fast, furious, and almost entirely liquid, it’s most definitely diarrhea. And if it lasts for more than two days, you should talk to your grownup about going to see a doctor, as diarrhea can cause dehydration.

TYPE 1 & 2

You’re doing the Constipation Conga

 

 

TYPE 3 & 4

You’re dancing with some Super Duper Poop

 

 

TYPE 5, 6 & 7

You’re doing the Diarrhea Disco

 

Potty Training

According to a 2003 study, our bodies are not designed to sit while we poop. In fact, getting squatty while we go potty is the way to go. Literally. You see, there’s a little kink in our lower gut. This kink is what helps keep the poop from just randomly falling out of our bodies. However, when we squat, our gut straightens out, allowing the poop to comfortably sliiiiiiiide out at a speed of approximately eighty seconds faster than it does when we sit. That’s some serious speed pooping!

How to Poop . . . According to Science

OPTION A

Step 1: Climb on top of the toilet and perch yourself into a squat on the seat.

Step 2: For the next fifty-one seconds, enjoy the speed of expulsion.

 

OPTION B

 

Step 1: Get yourself a little stool, place it in front of the toilet, and elevate your feet.

Step 2: You know what to doo-doo.

 

 

Step 3: Give a round of applause for science!

 

 

Step 4: Flush!

 

 

Step 5: Wash your hands!

Happy Fifty-Thousandth Birthday, Poop!

While we don’t know the actual drop date of the oldest human poop ever found, we do know that it first made its way into the world about fifty thousand years ago! By the time it was discovered by archaeologists in Spain, it was completely fossilized, making it rock-solid and odorless. Scientists were able to determine that it belonged to a Neanderthal, a completely separate species from modern humans like us. It also provided some of the first evidence that along with meat, berries, and nuts, Neanderthals ate their veggies! Do you?

 

Perhaps this story will inspire you to save your poop for future generations to find, and to that we say, PLEASE DON’T.