I was in a room with the tallest man in Britain
And of one thing I could be certain
In no other room in Britain was there a man taller.
He agreed when I pointed out how tall he was.
‘And I bet people say that to you all the time.’
He smiled wearily. ‘No, as a matter of fact you’re the first.’
To get into the Guinness Book of Records
All he had to do was get out of bed one morning
And measure himself.
Easier than sitting in a bathtub with 35 rattlesnakes
Easier than holding 109 venomous bees in your mouth
Easier than balancing a motorbike on your teeth for 14.5 seconds
Easier than riding a lawnmower across the USA in 42 days
Easier than roller blading blindfold across the Sahara. Backwards
‘Wouldn’t you rather be the strongest man in Britain?’ I asked.
‘Or the fastest? Or the richest?’
‘No,’ he said, ‘I’m perfectly happy the way I am.’
And excusing himself, went off in search
Of somebody else to look down on.