(for W.R.)
Come in and welcome. You’re the first.
Let me take your things. Go straight through.
Now something to quench the nation’s thirst?
There’s lager by the crate. A nice Moselle
Local and highly recommended?
Or there’s whisky, vodka, gin as well.
When everyone’s arrived we’ll serve champagne
And wet the baby’s head.
God it’s hot. Never thought I’d miss rain.
But there you go. The auld country?
Not as much as I thought I would.
Fresh strawberries. Spring perhaps. And Guinness
Which doesn’t travel well and never should.
Susan misses it more I believe.
The way ex-Scousers talk about the place
You wonder why they leave:
‘Ferries across the Mersey, the old Pier ’Ead,
Chip butties, the Kop, six in a bed,
The “gents” in the Phil, a cathedral to spare,
Liver birds with long fair hair.’
And going on and on about the native wit
You’d think the buggers had invented it.
But deep down she’s no regrets I’m sure.
She needed new friends, a fresh challenge.
She’s her own woman now, more mature.
She’ll be down in a minute with the star of the show.
Oh by the way, the Russells are coming
Whom I think you all know.
Nice couple. Although Willy will insist
On playing guitar and singing when he’s pissed.
And exciting news, I think you’ll all agree,
There’s a real live actress coming too
Who’s starred in a West End theatre show.
Filming out here, just passing through.
So all you sheilas take real good care
Lest Bruce or Norm disappear from the parlour
Into the yard to show her a Koala bear.
No thanks, I’ve given up. Feel better for it.
Part of Susan’s two-year plan for a new and fitter man.
She’s even got me jogging. I adore it.
Yes she loves teaching. Can’t wait to get back.
And to be honest, neither can I.
Need the money since I got the sack.
Mind you, things couldn’t have worked out neater
Means I can spend all my time with the baby
Bringing up and educating Rita. Why Rita?
Just our little secret. A name that binds us.
And here they come now. The two I love the most.
Aren’t I a lucky man? Ladies and Gentlemen – A toast!