Wilfrid died in the small hours of the morning a few weeks later. Annis and Cedric were at his side. Annis had felt helpless in her bedside vigil, watching the man who had become a father to her struggle to draw air or even know where he was. He had been labouring to breathe for a while, so his passing came as no surprise and even as a relief. In the days that followed, the household and all of Glannoventa went into mourning.
Whatever Rurik felt at Wilfrid’s passing, she did not know. He had come to Wilfrid’s chamber the morning of his death to express his sorrow to Cedric and Annis for their loss, but no other words had been spoken. He had not spoken to her since. She longed for him to take her in his arms and help ease the pain of Wilfrid’s loss, but she knew now that it was impossible. She had been given a chance at happiness and had lost it. The affection her husband had felt for her was well and truly gone. It was this certainty that gave her the strength after Wilfrid’s death to make the decision she knew would be best for them all.
Sandulf was leaving to go north in the morning. While Rurik had initially planned to go with him, Wilfrid’s death had changed everything. Although Wilfrid had been interred, a more formal ceremony was planned in a few weeks when the Jarl and other lords could attend to pay their respects. Rurik would officially be named Lord of Glannoventa at that time, so leaving was impossible.
It was late in the evening as she made her way to the hall where Rurik had closed himself up with his brother to make final preparations. She gave a brisk knock and let herself inside without waiting for their summons. The men stopped talking and looked up at her from their places at the table. A quick glance confirmed that they were alone.
‘A word, if you please.’ She made certain to keep her shoulders back and her chin up, but she had to clear her throat to control the tremor in her voice. Both men stood and Sandulf made as if to leave. ‘Please stay. I brought this for you.’
Walking to the table, she handed him a rolled vellum she had prepared. His brows drew together in confusion as he took it from her. ‘It is an accounting of the events in Maerr as I remember them, including Lugh’s involvement. I’ve signed my name and affixed our seal on the chance that it might prove useful to you.’
His eyes widened in surprise as his fingers closed around it. ‘Thank you,’ he mumbled, glancing down at the vellum. When he met her gaze again, his eyes were not filled with disgust. It was progress.
‘Please be careful when you approach him,’ she said. ‘He was a dangerous man when I knew him. If he is insincere in his repenting, then you cannot trust him.’
Sandulf gave her a nod of agreement, seemingly at a loss for words. The vellum wasn’t much, but it had been the only thing she could think to do to help him in his journey. It didn’t absolve her of her guilt, but she hoped it would help him.
Turning her attention to Rurik, his stony expression nearly made the wobble in her voice come back. ‘I have come to a decision and would like to discuss it with you.’
‘You have come to a decision? Isn’t it I who am weighing how to deal with you?’ asked Rurik.
The comment smarted, so she ignored it. From the corner of her eye, she could see Sandulf making his way around the table to leave them alone and this time she did not try to stop him. If she was to receive a chastisement, she would rather it happen in private. With nothing left to hold on to, her fingers fumbled with the hem of her sleeve.
‘If you have a punishment in mind, then I’d like to hear it, but I doubt that you do since you haven’t come forward with it yet.’
‘Perhaps I am biding my time.’ His voice was flat, as if she meant nothing to him, and her heart clenched with the knowledge. This is exactly why she had avoided him.
‘I have a solution in mind if you would hear me out,’ she said.
He paused a few heartbeats before inclining his head.
‘I think it best that one of us leave. Since you are now Lord, it obviously should be me. I do not want to put Glannoventa in jeopardy and any strife between us could do just that. Not only could it make us appear weaker to any enemies who may seek to prey on us, but I believe it will lead to confusion for everyone. I have already heard rumours that there is talk in the village about our discontent.’ Not to mention the fact that she could not survive being this near to him and having him hate her. Every day that passed was like another twist of the dagger in her heart.
‘Where will you go?’ His voice was nearly quiet.
‘I have an older sister near Wexborough where I was born. I can go there.’ She had seven brothers and sisters of all different ages. She had not seen most of them since coming to Wilfrid as a child, but she had no doubt that this was the best way forward. Anything was better than facing Rurik’s indifference. She would float from household to household if she had to.
He seemed to be weighing her words, before he spoke. ‘Cedric told me at some length how much you value your position here. You would leave that behind?’
Unable to withstand the blandness of his gaze, she feigned interest in the map laid open on the table. ‘I cannot pretend my reasons are unselfish... I do want what’s best for Glannoventa and, barring any sort of reconciliation, I believe this is it.’
‘And how is that selfish?’
Was it her imagining it or did his voice sound closer? Treacherous tears burned her eyes, so she did not dare look back at him to check. Swallowing several times against the lump in her throat, she said, ‘That part isn’t.’ Damn tears. She would not cry before him.
‘Then which part is?’ His voice was too low to make out any sort of intonation.
‘The part that cannot bear staying here knowing that I lost you.’ A strangled gasp tore out of her as she tried and failed to hold back her tears. She turned to run, but he was standing in front of her. Right there in front of her with scarcely a breath between them. She sucked in a gulp of air, her fingernails biting into her palms to distract her and stop more tears from falling.
‘You lied to me.’ His voice shook from emotion, but she did not know if it was anger or something else. His eyes burned with it.
‘I am sorry I didn’t tell you.’ The way he was looking at her...it was as if he wanted to devour her. A tender ache bloomed inside her, but she didn’t know if the change in his eyes was her imagining his change in sentiment towards her. ‘I don’t know how to make it right, but you should not suffer any longer. Take Glannoventa. Take Mulcasterhas. Take everything and know that I will live my life being sorry for how I hurt you. I have already arranged an escort with Cedric. I leave in the morning.’
His eyes widened in shock and she used his moment of stunned silence to dart past him. Praying that she would reach the privacy of her chamber before she dissolved into a mass of tears, she ran as fast as she could.
Annis was leaving. She was giving up the only thing that mattered to her to atone for her lie. To help the people she loved so much. Sigurd had lied more times than Rurik could count, but he had lied only for his selfish gain. To gain Saorla. To gain wealth. To gain power. Never, to Rurik’s knowledge, had he lied to protect anyone but himself. Annis had been willing to tell the truth, but not if that truth would bring potential harm to her people.
Their lies were not created equal. Rurik could not consider them with an equal level of contempt. Perhaps by treating them the same, he was being unfair. The realisation left him momentarily dazed. It only took a few heartbeats to come to his senses, but it was enough time for Annis to slip by him and out the door.
‘Annis!’ he called to her as he followed behind her, but the sound of his voice only seemed to make her run faster. The knowledge that she intended to lock him out spurred him on, his strides eating up the distance so that he reached her door as she was shutting it behind her.
‘Let me in, Annis.’ He shoved his foot between the door and frame just in time to keep it from shutting him out, but he couldn’t quite hold in a grunt as pain shot across his foot and up his ankle.
‘Go away!’ she cried, putting all her weight against the door. It was no use, because he had managed to wedge his shoulder into the opening and make it wider. She stumbled away in dismay, her eyes wet and miserable.
He forced the door closed behind him harder than he had intended. The harsh slam reverberated in the still room. ‘You will not leave in the morning or any other morning.’ By the gods, the very thought of her gone away from him for ever made him grow cold.
‘I cannot stay.’ She brought the back of her hand to her mouth as she sucked in a trembling breath, her chest heaving as she struggled to contain her obvious pain. ‘Rurik, please do not force that on me.’
Watching her and the physical manifestation of her hurt and sorrow play across her face made the nearly unbearable pressure that had been building inside him every day they were apart break open. It splintered inside him, leaving him shaken and weak. He walked towards her, but it became more of a stalking because she backed up with every step until she came up against the wall and could move no farther.
‘Consider it your punishment,’ he said, hardly recognising his own voice.
Anguish slashed across her features, but she was able to hold back more tears as she drew her chin up. ‘Think of the people who count on us. This is not in their best interest. I cannot stay here and cause conflict. I will not.’
Rurik put his hands to the wall on either side of her, leaning close. ‘You do not have a choice, Wife. You will stay here and let me love you every day for the rest of our lives.’ He did not realise how much he meant those words until they were hanging in the space between them.
Her eyes widened with hope which she quickly suppressed, sending a pang shooting through him. He cupped her jaw, his thumb tracing the ridge of her lower lip. ‘You see, I find that I cannot live without you.’
‘Rurik...do you mean...?’ Her voice trailed off as if afraid to hope.
‘I know now you didn’t mean for that to happen in Maerr. Not at first... I let my anger decide, but after the anger wore off, I knew. And still I couldn’t get past the betrayal that you had lied to me.’
‘I shouldn’t—’
He pressed his thumb to her lips to quiet her. ‘I understand why you did. If I’m being honest, I don’t know how I would have reacted had you told me before the wedding. I know that I wouldn’t have gone through with it. At least not right away.’
Against the pad of his thumb, she said, ‘If Jarl Eirik hadn’t been on his way...’
The corner of his mouth pulled upwards. ‘If he hadn’t been on his way, there would have been no need for us to wed in such haste. I can’t forget that, or how glad I am that we wed.’
‘Do you mean that?’
‘Yes, only I didn’t let myself admit it until tonight. Until you were willing to give up everything important to you for me.’ His hands slid into her hair so he held her precious face between his palms.
‘I love you, Rurik.’ A tear slipped out of the corner of her eye and he caught it with his lips. ‘I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want Glannoventa to suffer. If you want me to go—’
‘Shh...’ His heart filled up at her words. ‘Stay. In my bed. In my life. In my heart. Stay with me.’ His lips brushed kisses across the crest of her cheekbone and down to her mouth, light touches that had him craving more of her.
She let out a sob and he covered her mouth with his. She kissed him back until they were both breathless and her fingers were tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck. ‘Are you certain you can forgive me?’ she whispered.
A hand ran down her back to pull her soft body close to him, needing to feel every part of her against him like a starving man. He took in her earnest gaze, golden in the soft candlelight. ‘These past weeks have been torture. I don’t want to live without you, Annis. From this day forward, nothing comes between us again. Swear it to me.’
Giving him a slow smile full of the hope she had tried to suppress until now, she rose up and kissed him again. ‘I swear it.’ Her fingers tightened in his hair almost painfully, but he wanted the pain if it meant that she was touching him again. ‘Every moment of every day you will know exactly what I feel and what I am thinking because I won’t stop talking about how much I love you.’
He laughed at that as she had meant him to and twirled around with her in his arms. They landed on the bed. She giggled in a way that he had never heard from her before as she pushed herself back so that he could crawl over her. He stared down at her in awe, wondering what else this woman he had married had in store for him. But he didn’t get to wonder for long, because she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him over her, her mouth taking his in a plundering kiss that left him breathless and craving more.
His hands went between them. First to her breasts, skating over her rigid nipples, and then down to the skirt of her gown, tugging the fabric upwards in a suddenly desperate bid to feel her bare flesh against his. Her touches became frenzied as she roughly pulled his tunic up. He was forced to let her go to tug it off over his head. By then her fingers had found the fastenings of his trousers and slipped inside to grasp him. He was already so hard with his need for her that her touch drew the breath from his lungs. Gasping for air, he tugged at her skirts, not bothering to take off the rest of his clothing. His need to make them one, to make them whole again, overrode any thoughts of prolonging their pleasure.
‘Hurry,’ she whispered as she guided his length to her.
‘Annis,’ he groaned when he felt how slippery and hot she was for him. Easing inside her bit by bit, he laughed when she arched her hips, desperate for the same thing he wanted. Taking her hands, he laced his fingers with hers and held them pressed to the bed above her head as he entered her in one long and deep stroke, until their hips were pressed together. Her ragged sigh of gratification filled his ears. He stared down into her golden eyes, slightly unfocused now with pleasure.
‘I love you, Wife,’ he whispered, knowing with certainty that she would hold his heart until the end of time.
He moved in a soft rhythm, filling her up and then drawing away, loving the way he fit inside her. Her inner muscles gripped him as if she was made for him, as if she never wanted to let him go. He loved her with his body until they both came, shattering into a thousand tiny pieces that slowly came back together, creating something that was both stronger and more resilient than either of them had ever been separately.