Be yourself. Although it’s tempting to try and impress your date, you’re doing both of you a disservice. Be honest about who you are and what you like and encourage him to do the same.
—Excerpt from Finding Mr. Right-for-You by Dr. Kate
Kate stepped from the fog of the bathroom and toweled off her wet hair. She could smell bacon frying and hear it sizzling on the griddle. She’d come to expect Lucas’s big breakfasts on Saturday and had decided it was a nice start to a weekend. As long as she stayed out of the kitchen while Lucas cooked and she didn’t have to see the counters splotched with pancake batter or the cracked eggshells in a pile near the sink. If she faced the wall as she ate and didn’t have to see the mess, she could almost put it from her mind.
Kate was shoving her towel into the bedroom hamper she’d bought when the phone rang. By the time she entered the kitchen, Lucas had answered.
“Who’s calling?” he asked, setting the greasy spatula on the counter. “Just a minute.” He handed her the phone, wearing an inscrutable expression.
“Who is it?” she mouthed
“Bryan.” Lucas turned and stirred the pancake batter.
Kate’s adrenaline spiked like she’d had three shots of espresso. Why was Bryan calling? She walked toward the back door and put the phone to her ear.
“Hello?” Her tone was cool and collected.
“Hi, it’s me.”
It rankled that he could still say that. It’s me. Like they were still so close he needn’t identify himself. Had he forgotten he’d dumped her for someone else? Kate stepped out the back door and closed it behind her, keeping Bo inside.
“Bryan. How are you?” There was nothing in her voice to make him think she actually cared to hear the answer.
“I’m good. Better than I’ve been in weeks.”
“Wonderful. Is there something I can help you with?” Polite. Friendly, but not too friendly. It unnerved her that it was such a strain. Was it just barely over a month ago that he’d kissed her good night on the eve of their wedding day?
“Kate, I’m so sorry. It’s killing me to hear you like this. Like we’re strangers or business acquaintances.”
Did he have any right to tell her about his pain?
“I called to say I was wrong,” he said. “I know that now.”
Kate stared toward the horizon and leaned against the square column that supported the roof.
“Things are over with Stephanie.” He said it like he expected her to shoot off fireworks in celebration.
Stephanie. So that was her name. It was no one Kate knew. She was glad for that.
The pause was deafening. Emotions twisted in her like vines around a tree. She wasn’t sure which was strongest.
“Kate, did you hear me?”
What did he want from her? Now that he’d dropped his other woman, was Kate supposed to fall in his arms again? “What am I supposed to say?”
“I know. I know,” he said. “I—” Kate could hear the frustration in his voice. She imagined him running his hand through his blunt cut.
“I was a fool,” he continued. “It was just like you said. It was nothing more than a fear of commitment. I was afraid and looking for an outlet, and Stephanie was convenient.”
“Your outlet was costly.”
Costly wasn’t the word. It had changed her life, changed their future. It was a little late to realize he’d made a mistake. Did he think he could fix it so easily?
A seagull cried out overhead and swooped over the beach, soaring with wide wings. Kate wished she could leave all this behind her and soar over the landscape of her life as the bird did.
“I miss you, Kate.”
The words, spoken softly, pried at the door of her heart. Kate closed her eyes. I will not tell him I miss him. He didn’t deserve to hear it, and she wasn’t even sure it was true. Her feelings for him were muddled, blurry, like the line between the ocean and sky. How could that be when she’d been so certain of her feelings for him only five weeks ago?
“I’m married, Bryan.” It gave her no pleasure to say it. She’d heard the pain in Bryan’s voice, and even though he’d hurt her terribly, she didn’t wish to hurt him.
“I know.” He swore. It was the first time Kate had heard him swear. Why had he called? He didn’t know her marriage was temporary, though he must realize genuine feelings weren’t involved. Did Bryan think she’d divorce Lucas the moment he returned?
“Who is he, Kate? Do you know what it’s doing to me, imagining the two of you together?”
“Yeah, actually, I do,” she snapped.
“I’m sorry. Of course you do.” He sighed. “I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m just—I’m just going crazy over here. My whole life has been so planned, all my ducks in a row, and now I just feel like it’s all exploded in my face.”
Have you forgotten you’re the one who lit the fuse? She wanted to say it out loud, but what good would it do? What was done was done. She had to stay married. The media would have a heyday if she divorced Lucas and married Bryan. She shook the thought from her head. It was ludicrous to even entertain the idea.
“You don’t love him, do you?”
Kate grabbed the hair at her nape and squeezed. To tell him yes would be a lie, but to tell him no felt like a betrayal to Lucas. She let the silence grow. She wanted to ask if he’d loved Stephanie, but what did it matter now? The other woman’s journey with Bryan was over, and she had nothing but a foiled wedding as a souvenir.
A bolt of fear struck her thoughts. What if Stephanie leaked the information to the media? What if she told them Bryan was supposed to be Kate’s husband and that Kate was nothing but a fraud?
“Bryan, how did things end with you and Stephanie?”
The pause seemed to last a lifetime. “What do you mean?”
“How did things end?” she asked sharply. “Did you break it off? Was she upset?” She grasped the phone tightly, wanting to wring the answer from it.
“I broke it off,” Bryan said. “She was upset. Why, Kate?”
Kate descended the deck steps and crossed the sandy grass toward the shoreline. “What if she goes to the media and tells them everything?” She felt like swearing herself. She didn’t know what kind of a person Stephanie was. Was she the vindictive sort?
“She wouldn’t do that,” Bryan said.
“How do you know?” She wanted proof. Or better yet, a reason Stephanie wouldn’t want the news out that she’d broken up Dr. Kate’s marriage. Maybe she detested being in the spotlight or had a career that would be damaged by the gossip.
“She’s not like that. There would be no reason for her to do it.”
“You said she was upset.”
“Well, she was, but I think she’d—”
“You think or you know?” Kate kicked a hill of sand and took a breath.
“I’ll call her if it’ll make you feel better. I’ll do whatever I have to do to protect you, I promise.”
His tone was sincere, but the last promise Bryan had made ended with her at the altar saying “I do” to another man.
Lucas turned off the griddle and scooped the bacon onto a plate. It clanked as he set it too hard on the table. He opened the oven and removed the warming pancakes.
He had no idea how long Kate would be on the phone, but he was going to eat while it was hot. He scooted his chair back and sank into it. Bo, knowing better than to beg for food, settled on the rug beside him.
When Bryan had identified himself, Lucas had wanted to ask what business he had calling his home on a Saturday morning and asking to speak to his wife. He might have done it, if Kate hadn’t been standing there with her wide eyes and tousled wet hair.
She’d gone outside for privacy, but he’d heard every word through the open window.
Lucas grabbed a piece of bacon and took a bite. He’d been relieved at Kate’s cool tone even though he knew she was only guarding her heart.
When he heard her say, “I’m married, Bryan,” he wondered what had prompted those words. Did Bryan want her back? Is that why he’d called?
The back door opened, and Kate entered. She set the phone in the cradle and joined him at the table. Her face revealed nothing. Was she wishing she’d never married him? Was she wishing it was Bryan at the breakfast table now?
Well, Bryan had left her for another woman. It was Lucas who’d cared enough to follow through. Lucas who’d stuck by her though all those publicity photos. Lucas who got up at the crack of dawn and fixed her eggs over easy, the way she liked them.
Kate picked up her fork, and the diamond on her finger glittered under the kitchen lights. Bryan’s diamond. Lucas wanted to slide it off her finger and toss it into the ocean.
He took a drink of coffee and set the mug down hard. It clattered against the saucer and splattered on the table. Without a word he stood and retrieved a towel, wiping up the mess before settling in his chair.
“What’s wrong?” Kate asked.
“Nothing.” My wife’s ex-fiancé called my home and probably declared his love for her. What could be wrong? He bit into his eggs.
“Well, something’s wrong.”
Lucas swallowed hard, trying to suppress words he shouldn’t say. “Don’t appreciate your ex-fiancé calling here, is all.” He applauded his calm tone. Across from him, he felt Kate still.
“I didn’t think—I mean—” She cleared her throat. “It’s not like this is a real—”
He looked at her, daring her to say it. Yeah, maybe it wasn’t a real marriage in theory, but there were feelings involved. His. And he’d been hoping hers were a little involved. Had he been wrong?
“I just meant—”
“I know what you meant, Kate.” Lucas stood and took his plate to the trash, dumping a half-slice of bacon and the remainder of his sticky pancakes.
“Bryan was supposed to be my husband. Things ended very quickly and there was no time for closure—”
“I was there, remember?” He rinsed his plate in the sink, washing the yellowed yolk with the scrub brush.
“Of course you were.”
She said it so quietly, he almost didn’t hear over the running water.
“If you hadn’t married me, I’d—I don’t know what I would’ve done. I appreciate what you did. I hope you know that.”
Did her voice shake on those last words?
Lucas had too many emotions storming through him. He was still angry, and yet, from her point of view, it wasn’t justified. It couldn’t be unless she knew how he felt, and it was too soon for Kate to learn that.
“What did he want, if you don’t mind my asking?” He shut off the water and leaned on the sink ledge, keeping his back to her. His thumbs curled around the sink’s corners.
“Of course not.”
He heard her pick up her coffee cup and take a sip. It settled into the saucer with a quiet click.
“He had some unsettling news about the woman he was with. Apparently he broke it off with her and she’s somewhat upset.”
Lucas steeled himself at her words. What was to keep Kate from going back to him? Her career? Her book? Would she let those things stand in the way if she still loved Bryan?
“I’m concerned that she’s going to leak the news to the media,” Kate said. “If she’s angry enough, it would be a one heck of a way to retaliate.”
Lucas heard a scuffle on the deck. Bo? Then he remembered Bo was lying on the rug under the table. That meant . . .
Shoot! He leaned forward and peered out the window far enough to see Jamie running from the house.
“Jamie,” he called out the window, but she didn’t stop. He rushed after her, opening the door and taking the steps in one leap. Had she heard everything they’d said? “Jamie, wait!”
He caught up with her on the grassy knoll and took hold of her arm.
She jerked her arm from his grip. “Let go of me!” Her chest heaved. “What were you doing snooping outside my house?”
“I wasn’t snooping. I came to talk to Kate and I heard you fighting.” She crossed her arms.
“We weren’t fighting.”
“It’s not my fault the window was open.”
Lucas stuffed his hands in his shorts pockets and thought back to what Jamie might have heard. They’d said enough. “It’s complicated, Jamie.”
His sister glared at him. “You lied to us.”
Lucas swallowed around the lump of pancakes that seemed to have congealed in his throat. He looked back at the house to where Kate stood on the deck, one foot in front of the other, as if torn about whether to stay or come. He waved her back. It would be better to handle Jamie alone.
“I don’t know how much you heard but—”
“I heard enough to know it’s all a big lie.”
“That’s enough. It’s not a lie. Kate was in a fix. Her career was on the line, and I stepped in to help her.”
“How could you just pretend to love each other? We all thought she was part of our family, and now you’re telling me it’s fake.”
Lucas turned toward the ocean. He remembered being out there with Kate the week before, remembered the feel of her in his arms when she’d been sick. There’d been nothing fake about that.
“I’m telling Mom and Dad the truth.” Jamie turned to go.
Lucas grabbed her wrist. “Don’t, Jamie.” If their mom knew the marriage wasn’t real, there would be no holding back the resentment. She’d scare Kate away for good.
His sister whirled around. “Why shouldn’t I? You should’ve been honest to begin with instead of making us think your marriage was real.”
“It is real.”
“I’m not a baby, Lucas. I know your marriage is real on paper, but it’s not real in here.” She tapped her heart. “And that’s the only thing that counts.”
All those romance novels had gone to his sister’s head. Sometimes reality couldn’t live up to the happily-ever-afters in her books.
“Can you keep a secret?” Lucas asked.
Jamie stared at him, her green eyes squinting against the glare of the sun. She crossed her arms. “You know I don’t like secrets.”
She was growing up. He remembered a time when she’d collected secrets like seashells.
“This is personal. Like your feelings for Aaron. I’d never tell anyone about that.”
He could see her acquiescence in the way she tucked in the corners of her mouth. “What is it?”
Lucas glanced over his shoulder toward the house. Kate had gone inside. “Kate loved Bryan.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “She probably still loves him, for all I know. She married me because she was backed into a corner and I was her only way out.”
Jamie’s eyes softened, and her squared shoulders relaxed.
Lucas turned his face into the wind and let the salty breeze push his hair off his face. “But I had different reasons.” Lucas met Jamie’s gaze, then took his hand from his pocket and touched his heart. His eyes clung to Jamie’s, and he saw hers glaze over.
“It’s not a fake marriage.” His voice deepened with emotion. “I love her. I’d lay down my life for her if necessary. Do you know how rare that kind of love is?”
Jamie blinked rapidly. “But she doesn’t love you?”
Lucas gave her a half-smile. “I chose to love her. Whatever she does with that is her decision.”
Jamie sniffed. “That’s so sad.”
Great, now she pities me. “Hey, she’s got to come around eventually, right?” He tapped her nose and struck a ridiculous pose. “I mean, what’s not to like about this?”
Jamie pushed him, but she smiled around her tears.
“We okay now?” Lucas asked. He couldn’t stand to have Jamie mad at him.
Jamie nodded.
“I can count on you to keep my secret?”
Jamie kicked his ankle with her flip-flop. “You know you can.”
Lucas pulled her toward him and held her there, his hand on her head. He realized it felt good to admit how he felt about Kate. A relief to release it.
Then he heard Jamie’s muffled voice. “And to think I was coming to you for love advice.”