How much we trust others is often a reflection of how much we trust ourselves.
—Excerpt from Finding Mr. Right-for-You by Dr. Kate
She didn’t call.
It was impossible to soothe the ache in his gut. Lucas rolled over and stared out the window, where dawn stretched, spreading gray across the midnight canvas. He pulled Kate’s pillow close, inhaling. The scent of her was nearly gone—that subtle lilac scent that perfumed her hair.
He’d been pleased with the interview, relieved that the words had come when he needed them, relieved that he’d survived the interview without cracking under the pressure. After the show aired the night before, he waited, pacing the floor until Bo tired of his excess energy and curled up at the foot of the sofa.
When the phone had rung, his feet made quick work of the distance to the kitchen, and he answered breathlessly, not caring if Kate knew he was waiting for her call.
But it had been his mom. “Honey, I’m so sorry. I knew you loved her, but I guess I just didn’t realize how much.” She apologized for treating Kate badly and asked if he’d heard from her.
He didn’t give up hope until after midnight. And even though he turned off the lights and lay in bed, he still couldn’t sleep. His ears strained to hear the phone’s ring. He slept restlessly, awake as much as he was asleep, and now that morning had arrived, his hopes washed away like a sand castle at high tide.
He forced himself from bed, showered, and put on a pot of coffee, draining the first cup like it was medicine for his wounded spirit. When Bo picked up his tennis ball and carried it to the back door, he stood.
“Go for a walk, boy?”
He followed the dog outside, past the gazebo—a constant reminder of Kate and their wedding day. He crossed the beach and turned eastward, tossed the tennis ball into the surf, and watched Bo lumber after it.
Had Kate even watched the show? He knew from her voice mail that she’d been angry when she’d seen the preview. What if she hadn’t watched it?
Worse, what if she had? What if she heard his proclamation of love and didn’t feel the same way? What if he’d accomplished nothing other than publicly humiliating himself?
I’ve done all I can, God. She knows how I feel now. The rest is up to her.
Bo returned the ball, dropping it in the wet sand at Lucas’s feet. Lucas picked it up and heaved it into the waves before stuffing his hands into his pockets. His fingers wrapped around cool metal. Kate’s wedding band. He ran his thumb around the smooth surface. Its presence comforted him, like he carried a piece of her with him.
Bo turned in a circle, the tennis ball between his teeth, his paws dancing in the foamy sand. The sun glittered off the surface of the water like a million diamonds. When Lucas reached Bo, he tugged the wet ball from his jaws and threw it as far as he could down the shoreline, then followed Bo’s footprints.
Kate stepped off the ferry, her overnight case clutched in her hand. She’d left her car in Hyannis since there was no room on the ferry. Now as the crowd dissipated on the concrete dock, she wondered if she’d be able to get a cab.
She tugged the baseball cap low on her head to avoid recognition and pulled her sweater tighter against the nip in the air. The trees had fully turned, washing Nantucket down in vibrant hues of yellow and red.
Her phone pealed, and she moved to the side of the dock as she pulled her cell from her bag and checked the caller ID. It was Pam. Kate didn’t want to talk business; she wanted to get to Lucas. She was so close.
But her publicity gal wouldn’t call on a Saturday for nothing. Kate answered. “Hi, Pam. How are you?”
“Good. Great. Have you seen the papers?”
Kate had seen nothing all night but the yellow lines on the road. And she’d given little thought to her career or what others would be saying. “No, why?” Kate was almost afraid to know, but Pam didn’t sound dismayed.
“It worked! Listen to this. ‘Dr. Kate’s convenient groom broke his silence on TV newsmagazine show NewsWire when he proclaimed his love for the well-known author and syndicated relationship columnist.’ Blah, blah, blah—backstory and quotes from the interview. Ah, here we go. ‘It seems, even in the case of unpredictable disasters, Dr. Kate’s own brand of relationship magic works like a charm. Even for herself.’”
Kate sank to the cement ledge overlooking the harbor. Through the phone, she heard the rattling of newspaper pages. “There are a dozen more just like it. And I caught it on several cable news programs this morning too. They keep running the portion of the interview where Lucas says”—she lowered her voice—“‘I guess I’m laying it all on the line. I love her. I have for a long time, and I always will.’ Oh, man, he has every woman in America swooning, Kate. I’ll bet your book is flying off the shelves as we speak.”
I can’t believe it. How have I gone from—
Something Pam had said earlier popped into her mind. “It worked.” The words had been buried beneath the good news, but now they surfaced like a piece of driftwood through the sand, uncovered by the relentless wind.
Kate interrupted Pam. “Wait. You said ‘It worked.’ What did you mean?”
The rustling of paper stopped. A seagull swooped down and landed in the harbor, bobbing on the waves beside a fat buoy.
“You haven’t called him?” Pam’s tone revealed shock.
Dread filled Kate, numbing her to the fingertips. “What’s going on, Pam?” Her thoughts spun. Terrible thoughts that tortured her. “Was this just a ploy to fix my book sales?” She could choke on the acid that rose in her throat. Had Lucas only been pretending?
“No, sweetie, it’s not like that.”
“Then what is it like?” Her voice quavered.
Pam sighed loudly. “You should hear this from Lucas. Why didn’t you call him?”
Kate suddenly felt like a fool for driving all night like this was some 911 emergency. “I wanted to talk to him in person.” Her answer was feeble. Kate swallowed the acid and her pride. “I’m here now, on Nantucket.”
“Oh, I am such a dolt!” Kate imagined Pam smacking her own forehead. “I’ve ruined everything. Go. Go talk to him. I’m hanging up now.”
“No, wait. Pam!” A click, then a dial tone buzzed in Kate’s ear. She jabbed the Off button and gulped three breaths of air, laden with salt and exhaust fumes. What was going on? Had Pam called Lucas and devised some scheme to get her book sales back on track? What if Lucas hadn’t meant any of it? But why would he have put himself through it if he didn’t love her?
Uh, the money?
She felt like a sailboat, pushed at the whimsy of the wind, and she’d just suffered a gust from an unexpected direction.
But this was the new Kate. The one who was going to follow God’s leading, regardless of which way the wind blew. And right now, she needed to find Lucas and tell him how she felt.
Kate stood, hitching the bag on her shoulder, and turned toward town.
When she reached Main Street, she hailed a cab and gave him the address. Though she hadn’t slept, the phone call and nervous energy at seeing Lucas again kept her alert.
What will I say to him, God? Give me the courage to face him. To tell him how I feel and trust You to direct us.
Her muscles tightened until they cramped. She relaxed her hold on the leather handle of the overnight bag as Lucas’s words returned to her: “Love isn’t some item on a checklist.”
Maybe sometimes you had to loosen your grip. But it was scary. It required trust and faith. Two things she ran short on.
If there’s anyone I can trust, it’s Lucas. Kate allowed herself that. Reminded herself it was true. He’d never given her any reason to distrust him.
“I love her. I have for a long time, and I always will.” She’d played his words over and over on the drive, drinking them up, soothing her troubled spirit with the promise. But now she wondered if he meant them.
A picture of her mom flashed in her mind. She was hunched over the kitchen table in her terry bathrobe, a bottle of scotch in her bony hand. A photo album was open on the table in front of her, and her hand smoothed over the glossy page as if she stroked the face in the photo. How many times had she seen her mother like that, dying one memory at a time?
Kate shook the thought. She wasn’t her mother. And Lucas wasn’t her father. It was like he’d said all along. She needed to stop analyzing and let herself love him. Let herself be loved, if he was willing. She couldn’t think of anyone more trustworthy.
When the cab pulled in the drive, Kate withdrew some cash and paid the driver, then gathered her bag and exited the car. Lucas’s old truck was in the drive. He’d surely heard the cab on the gravel, yet even after it pulled away, the front door remained closed.
Kate walked toward the house and up the steps, hesitating on the porch. Lifting her hand, she rapped on the wooden door, anticipating Bo’s loud, gruff bark. But the only reply was the sound of the wind swishing through the trees. The small window in the door revealed only darkness. She knocked again. Maybe he was in the shower. It was still early for a Saturday, though Lucas was normally out and about by now.
She bit her lip, wondering if she should enter. Before she could dissuade herself, she twisted the knob and stepped inside.
“Lucas?” The rich aroma of brewed coffee permeated the house. The bedroom was empty, the blankets a tangled heap at the foot of the bed. The bathroom was dark, and several crumpled towels littered the floor. She smiled.
“Lucas?” In the kitchen, his empty Nantucket mug sat on the table. The coffeemaker was still plugged in. He must’ve taken Bo for a walk.
Kate exited through the back, passing the gazebo, tracing the numerous footprints down the sandy path. The beach was empty except for a few gulls, plucking through the wet sand. Kate looked down the shoreline toward the Wrights’ house. The beach was deserted as far as she could see.
She looked the other direction, and her eyes paused on two figures: a man and a dog.
Lucas.
Her feet carried her down the shoreline, her heart pumping in rhythm with her quick steps. Halfway there, Bo spotted her and lumbered toward her, but Lucas stared out across the ocean, oblivious to her appearance. Bo reached her side and barreled into her leg, tail wagging.
“Hi, boy.” At least Bo was happy to see her again. It was Lucas she was unsure of.
Kate looked at Lucas in time to see him turn. He stilled, watching her approach. She closed the distance between them with long, eager strides. As she neared, she tried to read his expression, but the sun glinted over his shoulder, making it impossible to decipher.
She stopped a car’s length away, suddenly uncertain. Would he welcome her home after she’d left so suddenly? He’d asked her to stay, but would he forgive her for leaving?
Fear left her mouth dry, sucked the words from her lips. It clawed at her throat and churned her thoughts like sand in the surf. Her limbs felt as stiff as a ship’s mast. Tears glazed her eyes, and she told herself it was the biting wind.
Then he moved, walking toward her, stopping just a touch away. “You came back,” he said.
His eyes were just the way she remembered, warm and soft. Welcoming.
“I had to see you,” she said.
“Why?”
All the words she’d planned in the car scattered like startled gulls. Pam’s call had changed everything. She was no longer sure of anything, least of all, Lucas’s feelings.
“I saw the interview.” Was it all a ruse, or did you mean it?
“I was hoping you’d watch.” He tilted his head. “Are you angry?”
He was remembering the voice mail she’d left. Her anger had drained away with his proclamation of love. “No.” The wind kicked up, and she pulled her sweater tighter. She had to settle this before her heart jumped through her rib cage. “Pam called.”
He tucked his hands in his pockets. “She told you, then?”
Suddenly, Kate realized it didn’t matter why Lucas had done the interview or what plan Pam had been talking about. She’d come to tell Lucas how she felt, to try and save her marriage, and she was going to do it.
“She didn’t tell me anything.” Kate gathered her courage and drew a shaky breath. “I realized something last night while I watched you on TV.” “I love her. I have for a long time, and I always will.” His words were a pedestal for her courage.
“What’s that?”
Kate swallowed the fear and took a step closer. The wind ruffled his hair, and she smoothed it from his face, then trailed her fingertips down the rough plane of his jaw. “I love you.”
She ignored the burning in her eyes and plunged forward, a sailboat into the wind. “I don’t know when it started or how it happened. I only know that you captured my heart, and I don’t want it back. I want to stay here forever. I want to wake up to your stubbly, scratchy face and lie next to you in bed, even if you snore loudly enough to peel the paint off the walls. I want to—
Lucas broke off her words with his kiss. Kate felt his fingers sliding into her hair, knocking her cap to the ground. She relished the tenderness in his touch, and as he claimed her, she gave herself fully to him.
When she finally pulled away, it was only to look him in the eyes. “Did you really—love me from the beginning?” She had to know if it was true. Had to see him face-to-face when he said it.
One corner of his lip drew up. “Yeah.”
She let it soak in. “And that’s why you took me as your bride?”
He cupped her chin. “The only reason.”
Kate released her pent-up breath. It was true, then. Everything he’d said, everything that mattered, was true.
Lucas reached into his pocket and withdrew something. He took her hand and opened his palm.
“My wedding band,” Kate said.
He looked her in the eye, pausing with the ring at the tip of her finger. “I love you, Kate Wright. There aren’t enough miles on the earth to separate you from it. I want you to be mine.” He squeezed her hand. “Fully mine.” He looked at her, looked into her.
“I want that too,” Kate said.
Lucas slid it in place. It was right where it belonged.
I’m right where I belong.
He placed a kiss on her mouth and wrapped his strong arms around her. She felt safe in his arms. Loved. Cherished.
“Forever this time?” he asked.
She snuggled into his chest, inhaling the familiar scent of him, all musky and woodsy. Man, I missed that. “Forever.” She smiled at the taste of the word on her tongue. No temporary arrangement this time. No twelve-month escape clause. She wanted in, and she never wanted out again.
She fingered the wedding band with her thumb. “My finger has felt naked since I took it off.”
Lucas lifted her hand and kissed it. “Too bad I didn’t accept the money for the interview. Could’ve bought you one heck of a diamond.”
Kate squeezed his hand. “I could put the other one back on.”
“Don’t you dare.” Lucas gave her a mock glare before pulling her back in his arms. “Did Pam tell you I called her?” He asked against her hair.
“You called her?” Kate couldn’t imagine why he’d do that.
“I told her I loved you and asked what I could do to save your career and—” Lucas swept Kate off her feet, as a wave rushed under their feet. He set her down up shore on the dry sand. “Didn’t think you’d want your shoes wet.”
Bo bumped Lucas’s thigh, a slobbery tennis ball in his jaws. Lucas tossed the ball a long ways down the beach.
“What did Pam say?” Kate slipped her hands into Lucas’s, savoring the security of his warm grip.
“She said women love a fairy-tale romance.”
Kate laughed, joy bubbling inside for the first time in a long time. “And you love being the knight in shining armor.”
His shoulders rose in a shrug and he gave her his crooked grin. “If the armored boot fits . . .”
Kate elbowed Lucas, then fell in step beside him as they walked toward home.
Home.
The word had a nice ring to it, and she felt a smile lift her lips. It wouldn’t matter where she was or what she was doing, home would always be wherever Lucas was.