Much of our unhappiness arises because things are not as we would like them to be—we want to be thinner, more beautiful, healthier, wealthier, live somewhere less busy or perhaps livelier, change jobs, have a partner, or get divorced… the list is endless and different for each of us. We may also experience aversion to the homeless person in the street or the starving child on the television, turning away from them because acknowledging their presence forces us to confront their reality (or our own.) Moreover, we may feel resistance to taking exercise even though we know it is good for us; likewise with practicing meditation. In the following exercise, we are not interested in why, but simply in what it is about our experience that we are resisting, and noticing how that resistance feels in the body.
Begin by noticing the moments you habitually resist or turn away from.
Pay attention to the body—particularly to any sense of stiffening up or turning away from someone or something. Notice any tension in the body, identify where it is and what form it takes… maybe noticing a grimace or a facial expression that occurs… an external or internal recoil from something or someone.
As you notice resistance in its multitude of forms, acknowledge its presence. Say to yourself, “Ah, I see you!” or “Resistance (or ‘not wanting’) is here.” Be sure to name it with compassion rather than with judgment. Acknowledge its presence and simply allow it to be there, instead of the more typical response of pushing it away. Perhaps explore it a bit further… finding out what resistance feels like to you. Where do you feel it in the body? (Be as precise as you can about its location.) Identify its shape and feeling tone—is it hard, soft, jagged, or smooth? Is it warm or cold, solid or ethereal? Does it have a color? Does it move around or is it constant?
Be curious about resistance. How do you know you don’t like something or someone, or don’t want to do something? Remember, we are not trying to change it or make it go away, instead we simply want to learn more about it, so that we can recognize it when it shows up.
We begin to notice the energy that is needed to maintain the resistance. Become aware of the energy required to hold the body tense… How does this make you feel? What could you do differently?
Begin noticing what or who you habitually turn away from—it may be someone at work who you don’t get on with or perhaps a neighbor. Whether you are aware of your antipathy or not, it will be coloring your relationship and interactions with that person.
When we become aware what and who we habitually turn away from, we can take account of this and make allowances for our judgmental attitudes, and perhaps deliberately set out to approach them differently, turning toward them instead of away from them. We can also breathe into the area of the body where we feel the aversion, directing the breath, and breathing with the resistance, allowing the breath to come up close to aversion, to “not wanting.”
It can feel counterintuitive to pay attention deliberately to the sensations of resistance and aversion that you feel, so always begin with a minor irritation or, if that feels too challenging, perhaps start off with noticing when you are craving or wanting something or someone (see Befriending the Wanting Creature)
