If we suffer from a chronic illness or condition, we can have a tendency to identify strongly with it—for example, we might say to ourselves: “I am an anxious person.”. This feels very solid, concrete, and permanent. It sounds as if this is how we are all the time, whereas of course the reality is often very different. Anxiety or pain can come and go with long periods of absence. The condition is something that appears from time to time like an unwanted friend or relative. We can encourage this attitude of distancing ourselves from the condition by giving it a name—preferably something humorous.
A friend of mine, Elise, was diagnosed in her thirties with rheumatoid arthritis, a painful condition that can be very debilitating at times. Elise calls her condition “Mr Arthur Itis.” So she might say, “Arthur turned up at the weekend—absolute pain. I couldn’t go out…” Immediately, there is some distance between her and the condition. She does not want it and she cannot stop it arriving out of the blue, but she can stop it defining her. It is only one part of her.
If you suffer from an illness, a condition, or a phobia, give it a name. For example, for fear, anxiety, or pain, you could use “Mr Fear ” or “Annie Anxious,” or “Percy Pain.” Whatever name you choose, use it whenever the problem arises. It won’t make the problem disappear, but it might change the way you relate to it.
Ask “Can I stay with this for just one breath?”...
Then stay with it for just one more