When I have a migraine, the pain is excruciating—there is always a point when it suddenly tips into becoming unbearable and my only recourse is to lie down in the dark. However, I have noticed that if I pay attention to the pain, there is a softening and loosening sensation in my forehead and temples. The pain is still there, but the muscles in my face relax their grip and the release of tension is noticeable. When I pay attention to the pain, I can begin to disentangle the sensations. The process is akin to unraveling a densely knotted skein of embroidery threads, gradually beginning to distinguish specific colors as the loosening creates some space between the knots. I can pick out the different rhythms and locations of my discomfort. I begin to watch the pain rather than being enveloped in it. It is like surfing a wave rather than being pulled under by it.
Being with pain is challenging and so it’s a good idea to make the most of any opportunity to practice with small episodes, such as a headache, a stubbed toe, or a stomachache.
Take your attention to the location of the pain. Notice what is happening. Although we are not deliberately setting out to relax the area around the pain, very often the act of focusing our attention on it causes a change to occur.
Experiment with moving a bit closer to the discomfort. What do you notice? You can retreat to the anchor of the breath at any time you need to. There is no endurance prize.
Notice any thoughts circling the mind. Are you aware of any particular emotions? What stories are you telling yourself about the experience? Are you adding emotional pain to the physical pain? Are your thoughts helpful or not? You can break the cycle of rumination by taking your attention to the body—this can be to the pain itself (investigating it in terms of location, characteristics, color, temperature, and so on), to the breath, or to physical sensations, such as contact with the surface you are sitting or lying on. Alternatively, you can create a cocktail of all three, moving up closer and then retreating to a place of safety at a pace that feels manageable.
It is important not to expect the pain to just disappear because you pay attention to it. It won’t, but paying attention is the opposite of avoidance, so it is the first step in acceptance. It is only through acceptance that we can change our relationship with pain.
Watch the pain rather than being enveloped in it