Mindfulness practice is about turning our attention to whatever comes up—including the unpleasant—even though this may feel counterintuitive. However, we cannot expect to suddenly just be able to put up with difficult feelings—it is not about gritting our teeth and bearing whatever may happen. Instead, we are taking a stance of curiosity and interest, and exploring in order to find out more about what “difficult” means for us. And we do this by beginning with the small stuff, the minor irritations, and unpleasant experiences that we all face in everyday life.
Make an intention to become aware of any unpleasant events that come up for you today. This is about noticing the little things: how it feels when someone pushes in front of you in the line or someone takes the last loaf of bread in the store, just before you reach it…
Notice what it is that you are labeling “unpleasant.” How do you know it is unpleasant for you? What do you feel in the body and where? What thoughts do you notice arising? What emotions are present—there may be more than one?
Be curious about what pushes your buttons and notice the effect on you: on your body, your thoughts, and your mood. Notice, too, how it affects what comes next. How do you interact with others after this event?
As always, we are doing this with a spirit of compassion and kindness toward ourselves. We all react to unpleasant experiences and this practice is about using such experiences as opportunities to get closer to something that feels difficult and finding out more about it. By practicing with the small stuff we are getting used to turning toward the unpleasant—we are exercising our muscle of awareness with particular regard to the difficult. This will stand us in good stead whenever we are faced with bigger difficulties, such as illness, job loss, and bereavement.
It can be helpful to reflect back at the end of the day and notice perhaps two or three “unpleasant” events, recording what you felt physically in the body, what thoughts and emotions you noticed, as well as how you now feel, looking back. Is there anything about this reflection that surprises you? You can do this practice for several days in a row and then perhaps repeat it every few months. You might also like to try the companion practice, Being With the Good.