People often have concerns about meditation or perhaps have half heard about different techniques, so it is helpful to clarify some misconceptions that commonly arise.
We are not trying to empty or clear our mind when we meditate; instead we are observing our thoughts and noticing common patterns or stories. Generally, we are unaware of the stories that are influencing and driving all our actions and decisions. By bringing them into awareness, we are in a better position to discard those that are unhelpful and deliberately encourage those that are helpful.
We do not need to sit in the Lotus position to meditate. It is not the position that is important, but the attitude of mind we bring to it. If you suffer from a physical condition that means you would find it difficult to do a practice as suggested, such as lying on the floor, then it is always fine to adapt and change it to suit how you are at this moment. See Posture for more guidance on posture.
There is no conflict with any religion or religious beliefs. Many religions practice forms of meditation. The practices described in this book are completely secular, although they may have their roots in Buddhist practices.
We are not meditating in order to relax or, indeed, to achieve any particular state of mind. We may become more relaxed as a result of meditating, but if we set out to become relaxed by meditating we are setting ourselves up for failure and disappointment. When we meditate we are opening ourselves to whatever arises. All mind states and emotions will arise at some point—particularly when we do formal practices—and this presents us with opportunities to be with difficult emotions in a safe environment. In this way we can cultivate skills that we can then put into practice when difficult emotions arise in everyday life.
Mindfulness is not positive thinking. We are not trying to convince ourselves that everything in the world is wonderful. On the contrary, mindfulness is about opening to all experience: the good, the bad, and the neutral. Each is as worthy of our attention as the others. We need to acknowledge and experience the dark as well as the light, and all of the shades of gray in between. Through opening up to the full spectrum we begin to see how circumstances change and states of mind ebb and flow like the tide, and that nothing is fixed forever. There always exists the possibility for change, however small.
Mindfulness is definitely not a quick fix or a miracle cure. Practicing mindfulness meditation requires a commitment and a willingness to be with whatever arises, and this can be challenging.
When we talk of “living in the moment,” this does not mean living without any thought to the future. Living in the moment simply means paying attention to our experience as it happens. By knowing (and acknowledging) what is actually happening in this moment we are better able to take care of and influence what is going to happen next.