The two titanium-armored SuperSlayers stood bravely on the beach of the small volcanic island and stared straight into the fiery-red eyes of the very last Three-Headed Aidanewellian Sea Beast. The gigantic, serpentine water alien burst out of the crashing waves and flew straight for them. Together they raised their shining silver arms. Missile launchers clicked up from their armor and locked in.
KA-BLATZ!!! ROOOAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGHH!!!
The ferocious Three-Headed Aidanewellian Sea Beast let out a horrible wail as the Thermo-Blast Charges hit it in the chest and belly. It violently twisted and spun in the air, then crashed into the surf like a giant, scaly Viking ship. The monster plowed a fifty-foot trench in the volcanic beach, stopping dead just short of the two warriors’ shiny silver boots.
One of the SuperSlayers turned to the other.
“Hungry?”
“Always. You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?”
The two of them high-fived their heavy metal hands with a CLANG! and shouted in unison: “SuperCheezyFrankOnnaStick break!”
They pressed a button on their wrist control pads. The entire world they were standing in—the island, the dark sea, the dead Three-Headed Aidanewellian Sea Beast, everything—dissolved into a bright white void. Huge glowing words replaced the fiery sky in front of them: “EXIT GAME? YES OR NO.”
The metal slayers fired quick WristBlasts at the word YES.
Alex and his older self took off their black goggles. Alex grinned as he flopped onto the moon rock bed.
“Wow! That was totally awesome!”
Ding! Old Man Alex handed his younger self a dog-on-a-stick. “Here ya go, partner. Extra double-goopy SuperCheeze, just the way you like it.”
Alex chowed down the meaty treat in one bite and tossed the stick onto a pile of a few hundred in the corner.
“This is the best,” he said, using his sleeve to wipe orange cheese from his mouth. “I totally get why you never leave here.”
Ding! Old Man Alex smiled as he pulled out his own SuperCheezyFrankOnnaStick. “You mean why we never leave here.”
Alex looked at him, then shrugged it off. “Hey, so is all that ‘Fraidy-Cat Filby’ stuff true? Is that why you went into hiding on the dark side of the moon?”
Old Man Alex scratched his head with a dogless stick. “That name kinda rings a bell, but I don’t really remember. Hey, ready for another?”
Alex’s mind began to race. Something wasn’t right. He now remembered how much he loved video games, but it felt like that memory was blocking out another memory. A really important one.
“Hold up. So you don’t remember coming here to get away from something?”
“Dude, I’m so old, I don’t remember coming here.”
The two Alexes stared blankly at each other for a moment. Then the older one burst into a big, goofy grin. “Who cares? Let’s get back in the game!”
The game. “Hey,” Alex said. “Where’d you get that AS43: Virtual Vengeance, anyway?”
“What difference does it make? I don’t remember, okay? But if you wanna be Mr. Nosey, there’s a note that came with it around here somewhere…”
He started rummaging through his stone desk drawer, throwing random objects around the room. Finally he pulled out a faded old piece of paper and handed it to Alex:
Alex looked up at his 110-year-old self, who was holding out a pair of Virtua-Goggles to Alex, ready to go back in.
“C’mon! You heard the note. I’m supposed to be training till somebody comes. And it’s totally working!”
Alex was in a confused daze. “What? What’s working?”
“Our alien-slaying training! You saw us! We must’ve slayed half a dozen different aliens, each more powerful than the last! And it only took us seven hours! We kick butt! Up high!”
Alex stared at his older self holding his hand in the air. The weird feeling was growing stronger. Something was very wrong, but he couldn’t figure out what it was. All he wanted to do was play AlienSlayer43: Virtual Vengeance again. He tried to shake that urge away. He had to concentrate.
“Hold on. So—what are you training for, exactly?”
“Man, your memory’s getting as bad as mine, and you just got here! The note said I’m waiting for somebody to take me back to Earth and save everyone from the aliens, or something like that.”
“Yes! That’s it!”
Alex jumped up. His eyes popped wide open. His ears were ringing. He felt like he’d been hit over the head with a moon rock.
“Don’t you see? I’m the somebody!”
“You’re who, now?”
“The person sent to get you! That’s why I came here! Merwinsville is about to be—oh my gosh, what am I doing?! MERWINSVILLE IS ABOUT TO BE ATTACKED BY KLAPTHORIANS! I came here to bring you back to help me! It’s up to us to save everyone! How could I have forgotten?!”
Alex walked in circles, his mind racing faster and faster. It was all flooding back into his brain now, and he felt like he was waking up from a long and heavy sleep.
The older Alex munched on the SuperCheezyFrankOnnaStick.
“Dude, you need to chillax.”
Alex stopped pacing and looked around the room.
“It’s that game.” He grabbed the note and approached the slick, black box on the rock shelf. He studied it like it was a dangerous weapon, then looked at the bottom of the note again. “‘Your old friend and neighbor, H.S.’ Herbert Slewg. But Old Man Herbert told me he didn’t really know you. Why would he lie?”
“Herbert Slewg?—that name rings a bell.”
“How did this game get here?”
“I don’t remember. It just came, I guess.”
“It just came?! It’s not like the mailman delivers to the dark side of the moon!”
“It was a long time ago! I just remember playing. That’s…”
Old Man Alex’s voice trailed off. He looked up at Alex with a puzzled look on his face. “That’s all I remember anymore.”
They stared at each other. Suddenly, the two virtual alien SuperSlayers felt more like a couple of doofus-heads sitting in a tiny cave on the dark side of the moon.*
Alex took his Virtua-Goggles from Old Man Alex and dropped them on the cold stone floor. “Y’know what I think? I think you’ve trained enough. Look at you!” Alex continued. “Your whole life has slipped by while you were slave to a stupid video game!”
CRUNCH! He smashed the goggles with his foot.
Old Man Alex looked at him. “What do I do?”
“That’s easy,” Alex said. “You just climb outta this hole in the wall, march into the light, and go home.”
“I am home. This is my home. It’s where I eat, sleep, and slay aliens!”
“You don’t slay aliens!” Alex said. “Not real ones! Trust me, I’ve battled real aliens and—” he stopped himself. “Well, up until recently I thought I’d battled real aliens, but it turns out it was just a video game.”
“Kinda like me.”
“Yeah. Kinda exactly like you.”
“So you’ve never actually fought actual aliens, then?”
“No, I guess I haven’t.”
“And you’re willing to do it now, to save the world?”
“Yeah, I guess I am. But only if you’ll help me.”
Old Man Alex slowly set down his goggles. He picked up a bowling ball–size moon rock. He took a deep breath and lifted the moon rock over his head, then hurled the mini-boulder across the room.
KRASHHH! The black AlienSlayers43: Virtual Vengeance console exploded, spraying sparks and black glass all over the cave.
“One thing I learned getting to level ninety-three is you’ve gotta kill your enemy at the source. Or else they just keep coming.”
“Okay.” Alex grinned. “Good to know.”
He pulled his blue and silver Mexican wrestling mask (the one his Uncle Davey brought him back from Guadalupe) out of his waistband. He slipped it on over his head. Old Man Alex’s face lit up at the sight of it.
“Hey!” He rushed over and rummaged through his messy closet, throwing random objects around the room. He pulled out a torn and frayed blue and silver Mexican wrestling mask—the one his Uncle Davey had brought him back from Guadalupe.
“I always wondered why I kept this smelly old thing.”
