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THE NEXT MORNING, AFTER a brutal evening of contractions that were now slamming into me every minute, I’d already talked with Kate and Epifania, who’d called to send their best wishes and love, when my doctor arrived to examine me at ten.
“You’re ready,” she said after she examined me.
Alex placed his hand on my shoulder. “She is?” he asked.
“Yes—it’s go time.”
“But how about me?” I said to her in fear. “Who says that I’m ready?”
“I say that you are,” she said with a smile as she stood up. “You’re at ten centimeters. Shall we do this?”
“To be honest, I don’t know whether I’m ready for what’s to come, Dr. Grace.”
“When it’s the first time, no woman is,” she said. “I wasn’t when I gave birth to my first baby. Neither were any of my friends and colleagues when they gave birth to their first children. But guess what? All of us survived, and so will you.”
She turned to look at Alex, Lisa, and Blackwell.
“If you three are going to be in the room with us, I need you to go to the nurse’s station now. They’ll help you wash and suit up properly before you join us. In the meantime, since Jennifer is giving birth here, nurses will come in so we can prep her. None of us has any idea how long this will take, but the baby is coming, so I need you to get moving now.”
Dutifully, all three of them filed out of the room and moved into the nurse’s station. When they left, I asked my doctor to look at me.
“What is it?” she said.
“If there ever comes a moment when I scream out for an epidural, please give me one ASAP.”
“At this point, I’m afraid an epidural is out of the question, Jennifer.”
“Excuse me?”
“You’re so far along, it’s no longer safe to give you one. But you’re not out of luck yet, because Entonox is safe.”
“What in the hell is Entonox?”
“Half oxygen and half nitrous oxide—otherwise known as laughing gas.”
“You expect me to laugh my way through the hell I’m about to endure?”
“I’d rather you do that than cry. So, if you need it, just ask for it, OK?”
“OK...”
She held out her hand to me, and I took it. “We call this a birthing room for a reason. When you arrived here yesterday, we wanted you to get comfortable with your surroundings, which you are at this point. But now this is going to officially become a medical room, so please allow our staff to change the sheets to make sure that everything is hygienic. After the staff is finished and you are properly prepared to give birth, what I need you to do is to lie on the bed.”
I moved toward the bed.
“Not yet,” she said. “Let them get it ready first.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m not thinking straight. I’m frightened out of my mind.”
“As many first mothers are.”
“And I’m giving birth two weeks early—I’ve said it before to you, but that can’t be good for the baby.”
“And I’m telling you that your baby is going to be fine, Jennifer.”
“But how do you know?”
“Because we’ve been monitoring you and running tests for months. Yes, it’s coming two weeks early. And while there is a small risk involved when it comes to that, I have to emphasize again that it’s a very small risk. So let me ask you a question. Do you know what you’re going to name him or her?”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “Now, you’re just trying to distract me.”
“Maybe you need to be distracted. What names do you have in mind?”
“You already know if it’s a boy or a girl, don’t you?”
“I do—and I believe several months ago, I gave you the option of knowing your baby’s gender. Would you like to know? Because I can certainly tell you.”
“No, no. Alex and I want it to be a surprise.”
“And I respect that. So? What if it’s a girl?”
“Alexandra.”
“Well, that’s perfect,” she said. “And if it’s a boy?”
“Alex and I discussed that a few hours ago,” I said. “We had a different name in mind before, but then I told him about a person who once meant a great deal to me. A man who once went to war for me—and who might have even saved me. So we’ve decided to go with Aiden Alexander Wenn.”
“I love both names,” she said.
“And you already know which one I’m going with...”
“I do! Come on—let me tell!”
“No! I want this to be a surprise.”
“As you wish,” she said with a smile.
I was aware of nurses swiftly changing the bedding so that the area would be pristine. When they were finished, I collapsed into another contraction and took hold of Dr. Grace’s arm as the pain thundered its way through me.
“Are you OK?” she asked.
“Can I have the gas now?”
“Maybe we should wait a bit...”
“If that’s the case—and if the bed is ready—let’s just get on with it,” I said.
“With pleasure.”
I looked at her and then at the two female nurses who were in the room with us, each of whom was around my age, and I gave them a strained smile. “What I need everyone to know is that if I become an impossible monster during this delivery, please try to ignore it, because I promise that whatever comes out of my mouth has nothing to do with any of you. And I mean that—I’m grateful that you’re here to help me. But please accept my apologies now so that none of you think that I’m some ungrateful, impossible bitch when all of this is over.”
“Point taken,” Dr. Grace said. “And don’t worry about it—everyone in this room has heard it all.”
At that moment, I saw Alex, Lisa, and Blackwell enter the room in blue masks and scrubs just as one of the nurses inserted an intravenous line into the back of my hand to deliver fluids to me.
“Alex,” I said.
“I’m here,” he said as he came to my side.
“We’re good on the names, right?”
“We’re more than good on each name.”
“Are you OK?”
“I’m more than OK,” he said.
“Thank you for being so wonderful to me earlier.”
“Jennifer, I love you. We’re about to have a baby. And one day, we’ll have another. All I’m worried about now is you. And I’m here for you. All of us are here for you. Everyone in this room loves you—especially me.”
“Thank you,” I said as I felt another contraction hit. “Alright, everyone—please give me a kiss fast, because I think that I’m about to become undone.”
When Alex lowered his mask to kiss me, it was so loving and sincere, it almost made the contraction tolerable. With my hand pressed against his cheek, I looked at him and said, “We’re about to become parents.”
“So we are.”
“We’re finally here.”
“I’ve waited for this day longer than you know. I’m so happy, Jennifer.”
When I looked into his eyes, I saw the depth of his happiness. He’d already lost two children. His first unborn child had died with his first wife Diana, who had been killed in a car wreck when she was pregnant. And then I’d miscarried when our plane crashed onto the island. This was my husband’s third chance to have a baby of his own. Now I needed to deliver that to him—safe and sound. No drama. At this point in his life, my husband deserved a healthy baby.
Our baby...
When Lisa and Blackwell stood on either side of me and kissed me on the cheek before they held my hands, I saw the concern on Alex’s face when Dr. Grace instructed me to push. And when I did, the pain was so excruciating, I gripped Blackwell and Lisa’s hands as I strained until Dr. Grace told me to relax and take a breath. This seemed to go on forever until at some point, my doctor asked me if I wanted the gas. But when I thought about it, I ultimately decided that I didn’t. I wanted to feel this. Remember this. I wanted to get there without it. And so I declined it.
The following hour was pretty much rinse and repeat until my doctor looked up at me and said, “You’re crowning!”
“If that’s the case, then where the hell is my tiara?” I said in delusion.
“I wish I could give you one,” she said with a smile. “But I think something better is coming. Now, push!”
As a searing pain overcame me, both Blackwell and Lisa leaned down to whisper words of encouragement as my body felt as though it was being split open—which it was.
“Jesus,” Alex said. “There’s the head!”
“One more push,” my doctor said. “Give it to me, Jennifer. One more push and this is over for you.”
“You can do it, my dear,” Blackwell said to me.
“One more push,” Lisa said. “That’s it. Go for it, lovey!”
“Lift my back up,” I said to them.
And together, Blackwell and Lisa formed a team and lifted me up so that I almost was in a sitting position.
“Push,” my doctor said.
I pushed.
“Almost there. Harder, Jennifer.”
As I squeezed Lisa and Blackwell’s hands, I looked over at Alex, who seemed overcome with concern. But I wasn’t about to let him down, so despite the pain, I gave it my all, I hunched forward, and I pushed until I felt that I was about to pass out.
But I didn’t pass out.
Instead, I gave birth to my baby.
