When Bunny wakes up in the recovery room, Sondra is there, standing over her. Bunny sees her as if she’s in a downpour: a series of blurry o’s that shimmer from lack of definition; opaque without determined features.
In all her years working as an ECT nurse, never before has Sondra had a patient wake in this way. Even more disconcerting, this copious weeping started up well before the anesthesia had begun to wear off, and creepier still, her expression was deadpan, flat, and there was no sound, and still there is no sound as she continues to weep the way blood flows from an open artery.
Later, Sondra will share this information with Dr. Tilden only because her respect for him as a skilled practitioner is absolute, and her sense of professional responsibility is firm. Otherwise, to engage in conversation with Dr. Tilden is to invite the feeling that comes when trapped in an elevator, when panic has set in but you’re not quite ready to hyperventilate. She knows it’s the Asperger’s, but still, he gives her the willies.
Now that Bunny is conscious and able to talk, Sondra pulls up a chair alongside the gurney, and she sits in the chair as if she’s not expecting to get up again any time soon. “Do you want to tell me about it?” Sondra asks.
Bunny wants to say no, but she fears that, were she to open her mouth to speak, words would not come out; instead, she would spew dark gray and black matter, something like a wet pellet of undigested rodent fur and teeth and bones. She imagines that there is nothing inside her other than the remains of a barn owl’s last meal. She shakes her head, and one sob escapes. Then more.
It was Albie, of course, who had told her about owl pellets, and he had described the barn owl as a ghostly creature. Bunny has never seen a barn owl, but feels as if she, too, is a ghostly thing.
“Are you dizzy?” Sondra asks. “Or queasy? It’s not unusual to come out of anesthesia feeling dizzy or slightly sick to your stomach.”
Again, Bunny shakes her head.
“Are you sure you don’t want to talk?” Sondra gives it another go. “You might feel better if you talk.”
Bunny rolls over. Her back is to Sondra who sits in the chair by the side of the gurney where she stays until Bunny’s weeping comes to a close.