Life is full of change. As the author Doe Zantamata once stated:
If you were to open the front door and see that it had started raining, you wouldn’t slam it and curse the clouds because it was sunny just an hour before. You’d get an umbrella and be on your way. Part of embracing change in life is knowing that you will be able to adapt. There is a comfort in the familiar, but new things can be better than before, or the change may even only be temporary. When faced with change that’s not in your control, adapt, and be on your way.
No matter how catastrophic a situation is, you will eventually have to accept that trying times are simply part of life. Without these hard times, you will never experience the best days of your life. As hard as it is to see in the moment, our hardships make us into more loving, grateful people who are thankful for each and every thing on this earth. Everyone will experience loss and grief at some point in their lifetime.
I always knew that without loss, there isn’t life, but I never fathomed that I would personally lose someone so dear to my heart. June 5, 2013, seemed like it would be an ordinary day; I had no way of knowing that my entire life was about to get turned upside down. That was the night my family received the devastating news that my oldest sister, Kaylie—my best friend—had tragically passed away from an epileptic seizure. I was stunned and wondered how this could even be. I was supposed to be a bridesmaid in her wedding that winter. We were supposed to grow old together and be the crazy old sibling pair in the nursing home.
I quickly began to learn that grief is a roller coaster ride of a journey. The first few weeks after her death I was mostly all right, still in shock from the horrific event that happened. Once the initial shock ended, however, I was profoundly miserable, almost to the point of not wanting to live myself. I became the glue for my family, the person who held everything together, and it forced me to mature very quickly. Nothing seemed enjoyable, even things I used to love. I didn’t know where to turn or what to do with myself. No one seemed to understand me. Some of my close friends just stopped talking to me because they didn’t understand my grief, and I felt awkward around those who did. I felt alone, broken, and lost.
A few months after Kaylie died, my family and I attended grief camp, which is where I met Coral. I’d been hesitant about attending grief camp; I thought I would just be sitting in a circle crying with a box of Kleenex. Little did I know that it would forever change my entire perspective on life. After camp, I realized that I needed to change my way of thinking and turn a horrible situation into one filled with positive emotion. Now I strive to do everything I can to help others and make the world a better place. When I first arrived at camp, I was greeted by Coral’s bubbly, caring attitude. She’s the type of person you would want to help you through your challenges. She changed my life in three short days, and for that, I am forever grateful. We have remained in touch since camp, and I am proud to call her both my mentor and one of my closest friends.
Coral’s knowledge and expertise on the field of grief and teens is amazing, and I can assure you that she and her book will change your life. I wish that there had been a resource like this book available after I lost Kaylie. I remember searching for books and information about grief for teens and only being able to find picture books for kids and some books for adults. This made me feel even more alone than I already did. So, when Coral mentioned that she was planning on writing a book about grief for teens, I was ecstatic. It was absolutely my honor to assist Coral with her book, providing ideas and even feedback throughout her writing process.
While reading through Coral’s rough drafts, I instantly wished that I had known some of the coping strategies mentioned throughout the book during my darkest hours. I tried some of them as I read and realized how well they worked. At the time, my main coping strategy had been journaling; wonderful as it was, journaling was not able to relieve some of the anger and other intense emotions that I felt, like guilt. My sister died of a seizure alone at her apartment, but somehow I still felt guilty, like there was something I could have done to prevent it from happening. I felt like I should’ve been there—possibly I could even have saved her life.
Many teens experience guilt throughout the grieving process, and, if you do, there is no need to be embarrassed. It is totally normal, I can promise you. You can follow some of the exercises located in the guilt chapter and throughout the book to help relieve your grief.
Regardless of your situation, I can assure you that this book contains coping strategies that will work for you. Be warned, though, that you need to keep an open mind when trying these activities and coping strategies, because the ones that work best for you might surprise you. Throughout your grief journey, there will be bad days and good days, but it is up to you to make the most of each day. Don’t be afraid to talk about your emotions with others. In fact, talking with someone reliable is really one of the best healing practices I know of.
Again, no matter your situation, I promise that you will make it through the heart-wrenching pain and grief, and this book will help, as will leaning on those around you, like your friends and loved ones. Don’t be ashamed, though, if you don’t see instantaneous results. The grief journey is a gradual progression with many twists and turns, ups and downs. When you lose someone you love, your life will never be the same, but you will adapt and begin to get used to the new you and your new normal. Sometimes your grief will engulf you like an ocean, and other times things will be calm. The truth is you just need to keep swimming through each and every day. It’s the only way.
Thank you, Coral, for everything you have done and continue to do for me and all the other grieving children, teens, and their families. You truly have helped save many lives and turned countless others around, including mine. Love you, from the very bottom of my heart!