I tried sleeping, but that wasn’t happening. Instead, I sat on the balcony and watched the sunrise. The hardest part of this whole thing was going to be patience. The risk of having her scared of me if I said or did the wrong thing—or worse, ending up in the hospital again—it was almost too much.
The knots in my stomach grew and turned into a city of knots, until I gave up trying to sit still entirely. I paced up and down the small hallway in the apartment from the front door to the master suite.
Before they got on the plane to Texas, Michael called me earlier to ask if they should stay and help, but I sent them home as planned. Claudia and Lucas would watch her until she got here, and then they were leaving, too.
Everyone would fly back to Texas and wait for me to fix this. Eli said I had to do this alone, so I was trying to believe that I could. That somehow, I’d find a way to make the impossible happen a second time.
My phone buzzed, telling me it was time to eat. I wasn’t hungry, but I swore to Chris that my wolf wouldn’t slip up a second time. I was going to keep that promise. Which meant food was necessary.
I went to the kitchen, opened the fridge, and froze.
We’d gotten all of Tessa’s favorites from the store—everything I avoided since she’d been gone. If she wanted to come over and watch a movie, I had anything she could possibly want. Right now, all I could see was the case of Diet Coke and the bars of chocolate that she loved.
I closed the fridge and turned around. On the counter were Cheetos, Oreos, and two more cases of Diet Coke. The Tessa Trinity. That plus the two cartons of coconut chocolate chip ice cream in the freezer, and suddenly it was like everywhere I looked, Tessa was here.
Except she wasn’t. Not yet.
Tendrils of panic grew through my lungs, making it hard to breathe. I was being too optimistic. I was jinxing myself.
Damn it. Why did I buy this stuff already?
Last night, when everyone was here and hopeful and excited, it seemed smart to plan for success. Of course, I should get all of Tessa’s favorites. She’d be spending her days with me in no time.
But now that I was alone, her wanting to suddenly hang out with me seemed like such an impossibly stupid stretch of the imagination.
I’d barely gotten the chance to talk to her before she collapsed in the coffee shop. How was I going to go from that to hanging out today?
I opened the fridge again—did my best to ignore all of Tessa’s food—and grabbed some stuff to make a quick breakfast. I’d eat, clean up, and then I’d figure out what else I could do to keep myself from going insane.
I did the first two things, and then my phone buzzed, saving me from figuring out the next part, at least for a little while.
Axel texted. Just landed. Has she gotten back to her apartment yet?
No. It was only eleven here. Even if she was discharged today, it might be a while before she made it back. I wasn’t sure what I’d do between now and then, but I’d figure something out.
Okay. Let me know when she does. I feel bad leaving. As soon as we got on the plane…we all feel the same. We want to come back. You don’t have to do this alone.
I’m fine. Stay there. I might regret that in a few, but for now, I needed to do this on my own. I’d been leaning on everyone for far too long.
Bullshit.
I’m fine. I swear.
Okay, but I got this alert when we landed. Above & Beyond is playing there in two days. I keep thinking that she’d want to go and that we should take her but she doesn’t know who I am anymore and I don’t even know if she likes them anymore. This is so fucked up.
Sometimes Axel was so much like his sister. When we have her back, we’ll figure out where they’re playing and take her.
Fine. I just want her back.
She will be. I’ll let you know if I need you. Let the others know the same goes for them.
Will do. BTW—my sister was obsessed with you from the beginning. I remember the way she looked at you that day at the mall. She didn’t know you then either, but she wanted to. You can do this.
I stared at the screen for a minute. Could I? Did he really think so?
It was going to be so much harder this time because I knew what was on the line. If I messed this up, both of us could end up dead.
My cell phone rang, and I answered it before checking to see who it was, assuming it was Axel. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been staring at my phone, trying to figure out what to text.
“Is she back from the hospital yet?” Adrian’s voice came through my cellphone.
I looked at the phone to make sure I was hearing right and saw his name. Adrian. He’d been hunting some fey from Leaves that got loose and were wreaking havoc on the people of Pittsburgh.
“No. She’s not back yet.” But if everyone was going to call or text for an update every two seconds, I was going to go crazy. Or crazier than I already was.
“How are you doing?” Adrian asked.
“Fine. I’m just at the apartment waiting for her.”
“You can’t sit there all day. You’ll go crazy.”
Shows how much he knew. “I’m already going crazy.”
“Go for a run. But with your shirt off.”
With my shirt off? That was random. “What? Why?”
“Because you might run into her. You all sweaty and no shirt? It’s hot, dude.”
“Adrian,” I said, pleading with him to stop. He had to be joking. I wasn’t going to win her over by being shirtless and sweaty.
Okay. That wasn’t entirely accurate. I knew Tessa liked my body, but this wasn’t going to be as easy as me walking around without a shirt.
I needed Tessa to love me again. And not just an everyday kind of love. It needed to be epic. The kind of love strong enough to break the fey magic embedded in her soul.
That was going to take more than attraction or lust.
“I’m serious. She’ll dig it,” Adrian said.
He was being stupid now. “I’m hanging up.”
“Okay, but just as a general practice, no shirt. Sweaty is good. And dimples, dimples, dimples.”
“You sound like a used car salesman or worse—my pimp. I’m not trying to—”
“Attraction is the first thing that will catch her eye. You’re a good-looking guy. It’s a tool that you can use. You’re not aware of your effect on her, and usually, that’s fine. But not today.” He was quiet for a second. “You have shaved, right?”
Damn it—and my dimples. “Yes. Chris told me that already. I shaved.”
“Good. Smile shirtless. She’ll be yours in no time.”
“Fine. Got it. Bye, Adrian.” I hung up and threw my phone on the couch.
I wasn’t walking around everywhere without my shirt and grinning like an idiot. People would think I was nuts.
But Adrian was right about one thing. I needed to get out of here.
I couldn’t stand here, waiting to hear her get home, jumping at every little sound in hopes that it would be her. I couldn’t count the number of times I checked the stupid peephole in the last hour.
I grabbed my keys and zipped them into the hidden inner pocket in my shorts. I found the armband for my phone and AirPods and then headed out. A few miles of running, and maybe I’d lose some of these nerves.
Because that’s what I was. Nervous. I’d never been more nervous about anything in my life. Not even facing down a chapel full of demons. That had been scary but in a very different way. Now, I wasn’t scared exactly, it was just plain old knotted-up nerves.
Which did me no good. At best, they’d make me do or say something stupid or awkward. At worst, they could make her afraid or suspicious of me.
My nerves had to die the death.
As soon as I was outside, I hit it hard. One mile turned into three, turned into five, turned into fifteen. And then I ran back. I was going to need a ton of water, a shower, and a massive meal, but by the time the building came into view, my head felt clearer than it had in days.
Tessa might not look like herself or seem like herself, but she was in there. Somewhere. I just had to find her.
She loved me before. I just had to remind her why.
The problem was I didn’t know why she loved me. Before, I’d been too thankful for it to examine the reasons. But I knew it wasn’t just about abs or dimples like Adrian thought. Her feelings were deeper than that.
I grunted at the security guy as I walked inside the building, waving as I opened the doors to the stairs. I didn’t like the old elevator. It stank like too many humans and their food and their garbage and things I didn’t want to think about. And I didn’t like the idea of getting stuck in it. I could get out of it just fine, but not if I wanted to keep my cover as being human.
When I reached the third floor, I pushed the door open and ran smack into someone.
I gripped their swaying shoulders, and then my heart stopped.
Tessa.
I’d bumped into Tessa while she was exiting the elevator.
Through the magic, I stared into her brown eyes. They were open wide with her surprise. Her brown hair was tangled into a knot on top of her head. Her mouth was popped open, and I wanted to bite her bottom lip. I needed to—
I forced my raging wolf to shut up and took a breath. “I’m sorry.” I shoved the wolf down, down, down. He couldn’t be trusted. “I didn’t see you. Are you okay?”
She blinked slowly. “I’m…fine?”
I should let go of her.
I should let go of her now.
I didn’t want to let go because when I did, I wouldn’t see her anymore. I’d see the magic. But I had to let go of her if I didn’t want her thinking I was some creeper.
I dropped my hands and stepped back, and she didn’t look like Tessa anymore. She was suddenly taller—at least a good eight inches taller than the real Tessa. Her hair was a dull and flat dishwater blonde. Her eyes weren’t so big or doelike, and their light blue was the wrong color. Her nose was too big for her face. The person in front of me didn’t look a thing like the woman I fell in love with, but it was still her.
It was still her.
And I should really say something before it got really awkward. “Sorry. I was out for a jog, and…” I motioned to the stairs. “Did I hurt you?”
“I’m okay,” she said the words, but she sounded like it was just an autoresponse.
She hadn’t heard what I said because she was too busy staring at my abs.
I’d gotten sweaty and took off my T-shirt a while ago. Mid-May was pretty fucking hot in LA, and that had been longer than I’d planned to run. My shirt was tucked into the back of my shorts, which gave her a clear view of sweaty abs.
I let her stare for a second longer before clearing my throat.
Her eyes darted to my face, and her cheeks pinked in a way that was just so Tessa that it made me smile.
Her eyes widened, and she let out a little oooh before she stopped herself. “Hi. Umm…you new? I mean—not new as in dumb but as in new to the apartments. I don’t think I’ve seen you around before.”
She was rambling. This was good. This was very good.
Maybe Adrian was on to something. Maybe it was all about abs and dimples.
Now, I had to be smooth. “I moved into 310 last night.”
“Oh.” She nodded. “Across the hall from me. I didn’t know Steven was moving out.”
I shrugged. “I think he just moved a few floors up, but yeah. I’m there if you ever need anything.” Please need something. Anything.
“Okay. Thanks.”
I nodded. “Of course.” And then I did the most painful thing I’ve ever done.
I walked away.
Doing anything else could have potentially scared her off, and I couldn’t let that happen. So, even though leaving her in the hallway made my heart ache and my wolf grapple for control and went against every instinct in my soul, I walked away.
But I couldn’t stop myself from looking back at her.
She was still standing there. She gave me a small wave, and I waved back.
She looked like a stranger staring at me, but she wasn’t.
That woman held the other half of my soul inside her.
When I shut the door, my knees gave out. I slid down to the floor and let my head rest against the door.
Her keys jingled, the door unlocked, and then clicked close. She was safe across the hall.
This was good. It was a start. She noticed me.
God. Was that all this came down to? Me thinking I was winning something just because she noticed I existed when I literally bumped into her? Was I really that pathetic? How did I expect to win her over?
This was dumb. I should just make everyone come back. We should take her to Texas. There had to be a better, easier, safer, more sure way to break the magic. I had to—
Damn it.
Chris was right.
I used to be confident, and what was I now?
I didn’t know, but I needed to get it together.
I would get it together. For her, I would do anything.
I was an alpha. I was strong. And I’d done this once before. I just had to do it again.
I could do this. No problem.
“Shit.” I didn’t give her my number.
I didn’t even tell her my name.
I was so screwed.