Cambridge Novbr 8th. 1716.
Sr
THAT Gentleman (whoever he was) who lately under the Name of J. Baker Knight, thought fit to publish a Discourse entitled God’s Revenge agst Punning seems to have founded his whole Discourse upon one grand Mistake: And therefore his whole Discourse will be founddead as soon as I have removed that Mistake; which is, that He condemns the whole Art in generall without distinguishing Puns into Good and Bad: whereby it appears how ignorant he is in Antiquity. The antient Romans very well understood the Difference between the fine or pretty Pun, and the bad Pun: hence we read so often of the bellum Punicum, and the malum Punicum.2 Of which our Author is as ignorant as a certain Gentleman who reading of a Roman Scholar, thought Roman was a Waterman and Scholar a Sculler.
The Word Pun appears to be of Greek Originall. Some derive it from Pt´mdan, which signifyes either Fundum, a Bottom, or Maniebrium gladij, the handle of a Sword.3 From the former, because this kind of Wit is thought to lye deeper than any other, I will produce an Instance in this very word, Fundum. When a young Parson marryed Mrs Sarah— and got a Living, which is called Smock Simony,4 One of our Fraternity most surprisingly sd Sera est in Fundo Per-Simonia. (Anglice) Sarah was at the Bottom by Simony. Secondly, from the Handle of a Sword; Because whoever wields it will shew something Bright and sharp at the End: Another and more probable Opinion is that the word Pun comes from 
;5 because without Knoledge, hearing and Enquiry, this Gift is not to be obtained. There is a more modern Etymology which I cannot altogether approve, thô it be highly ingenious:
For, the Cantabrigians derive the Word from Ponticulus Quasi, Pun tickle us, which signifyes a little Bridge, as ours over Cam, where this Art is in highest Perfection. Again; others derive it from Pungo; because whoever lets a Pun go will be sure to make his Adversary smart. And to include this Head, I shall not conceal one Originall of this Word assigned by our Adversaryes, from the French Word
Punaise, which signifyes a little stinking Insect that gets into the Skin, provokes continuall Itching, and is with great Difficulty removed. These Gentlemen affirm the same Evils to be in punning, that it is very offensive
to company, that the Itch of it is hardly to be cured, and that the Custom of Scratching a man when he makes a Pun, (which is a Rudeness much practiced by Abhorrors) came from the same Originall.
To come now to our Author, J. Baker Knight, who usually passeth for a Spaniard and by the Quarter he meets with among certain Lords may be a Quarter longer, I mean a Spani - ell. I thought Punnado had been a Spanish Dish that his Stomach would Digest, and his Jest dy. I am considering what Sort of Knight he should be; when he is among his Equalls he is a Knight of Malt-a, when he travels, he is a Knight of Rhodes, Or if we allow him to be a Knight of the Post it must be the Foot-post; But being a Spaniard, perhaps he may be Knight of St Jakes, or if he hath been in France, they may have conferred upon him the Order of Sans Esprit. But for my own Part, I am apt to think that having so much in him of the Spaniard, he may be descended from the famous Fonseca, and that he is the Chevalier de Fond Sec.6
I shall now with as much Care and Candor as I am master of examine his Discourse. But I think I may let pass his Petty Accounts of the great Plague, where five Millions as he says were Swept away, which indeed Mr. Alexander Broom records, thô there be some who deny it, and think it a Whisker yet every body allows it to have been a terrible Brush, and that it made clean work, especially in Birchin Lane. In this Pestilence he mentions the Woman and the Jews by themselves, because indeed it was the worst of Maladyes for the Mall Ladyes, and there is no doubt but the Jews were put to their Trumps.7
Neither shall I touch the Fire he mentions, that burnt our Metropolis which hath already been recorded in never dying Puns by Poor Robin a member of our Fraternity. London was still a Metropolis even after it was burnt, mais trop aux Lis as the French express it, or rather in our Author’s own Words, when the Houses were gone it was a Few-nest place indeed.8
The next Judgment our Author mentions is an Inundation of Obscenity, wherein I care not to dip my Fingers; and whoever cannot behold those Obscenityes upon our Walls with chast eyes he may justly chastise them. Yet Travellers inform us, the same Abominations are seen in Italy (though he may think It a Ly) and even in Rome itself, to such a degree, that many believe there is hardly a virtuous Woman in that City, according to our English Proverb, Rome for Cuckolds; wherein we allude to a lewd Town. However, it is plain by this wicked Practice in London that we are more addicted to Whetstonism than Whistonism.9
He proceeds next to the Visitation of the nine Comets seen so high as So Ho by Mrs Wadlingtun of which Appellation there may be as many women in London as there are fat overgrown Bawds, which Circumstance made me first suspect the Fact, and that to make it Truth we must resolve it into a Pun: For the Number nine was only the nine of Diamonds, which happens to be the best Card at Comet.10 Or was this perhaps a various Reading crept from the Margin to the Text by the Ignorance of some Copyer. If I were Bent t’ lye, what an Air of Erudition could I give my self upon such an Occasion!11 After the same Manner when this Author assures us that the Sky did Coruscat, it was onely a Chorus of Cats on the Tyles in Soho whose Eyes glistning in the Night made Mrs Wadlington mistake them for Stars. Had she been a Scholar she might probably have thought their Meawling to have been the Musick of the Sphears.
I have now with some difficulty traced our Author Step by Step till he is got to his Relation of severe Judgments upon Punsters. The Maxim he lyes down amounts to this: that wherever a Pun is meant, there certainly follows a Punishment; whereof he pretends to produce severall Instances. The first is of a certain Lord, whom he onely hints at; for he leaves a blank and does not make him A peer. This Noble Person our Author is pleased to call a Reprobat, sed non re probat.12 He Claps as a Chastisement upon this Noble Hero, a wry Nose, as if he would make him a Rinoseros; In short the Writer was determined to bring in his Lordships wry nose by Hook or by Crook, for which he deserves to be hisst whether my Lord were clapt or no: However I confess I should be sorry for the affirmative, to think he had changed his Bristow stones for Carbuncles, and his future certainty of a Coronet for the present possession of a Corona Veneris.13
But pray Sr, be pleased to observe how little consistent this Writer is with Himself. His first Instance you see is of a young Lord who got a Wry Nose as a Judgment upon Punning, and immediatly forgetting what he had said, He now produceth a Second of another young Noble who lost his ready Rino’s for the same Crime, and as he expresseth it, by the Box and Dice. So it seems what is got by the Pox is lost by the Box (according to the Proverb). But here is another Mistake in Fact, For it is well known how this Second young Lord came to Cinque his Fortune at Dice, by some who were not his Cater-cousins, and that there are sharpers allways ready to seduce and Betray young Men of Quality and will not bate them an Ace; And thus it fell out that this young Noble was brought to a Ninepence.14
The third Nobleman he mentions would never have fallen into the Arms of a Dalilah, if His Lordship had not been as the Poet says Var vecûm in patriâ crassoq. sub aere natus.15 However if this Dalilah should ever have the Barbarity to cutt off His Lordships Hair (which our modern Dalilahs can do without Scissors) his comfort is, that inspight of her he will be allways Rich, and therefore he may defy the Philistins and Go ly a bed.
The grave antient Collonell16 deserves better Treatment. He was formerly a great Support to our Fraternity, two or three of them used to Sup Port with him as often as He thought fit to afford it. But since he is grown a supporter of Poets, I am informed they only Sup Porter.
As for Thomas Pickle,17 the true Reason why he went to Minorca, was because he had not a Sowse. To let pass his Instances of Muley Hamet and Eustace, which upon Enquiry would be found to budge ill as any of the rest, I dare engage that Daniel Button will find a Loop-hole to creep out of whenever this Writer is pleased to Quote him if I be not mistaken in his Mold.18
We are come at Length to a Gentleman stunted in Stature for attempting to Pun. But that Person cannot be called a proper Instance. ’Tis true, some are longer, and some shorter at Punning; And if a Pig may Pun, as our Detractors affirm, then certainly a Pigmay can.
The worst that can be said of George Simmons is that he gave all the Shoes in his Shop to be a Punster, and so would many a better Man do, and not think it Simmony.
As to the Reflections he is pleased to cast on our University Clergymen for being Drunkards and Toryes, I think it will be allowed that Punning is the dryest of all Joking, and therefore whether those Gentlemen he hints at (if there be any such) learned their Topeography here we appele to the World: I know some have affirmed that we sit up at Supper late in the Evening, which is false in the Supperlative Degree. For his other Reflection, in calling us Toryes, thus much we declare, that His Majesty’s Liberality in that noble Present of Books, as it will make us Lettered, so it Leaves us bound to Him for ever, and we should be covered with Gilt, and deserve to be bound as Slaves in Turkey, if we failed in our Loyalty; and we hope the No-Tory-ety of our Behavior will appear by this further Declaration against all indefesable Titles and Lines except in His Majesty’s Family and the Books he hath been pleased to give us.19
Our Author concludes with a Fact entirely false, relating to a Devonshire Man of Wit.20 That this Gentleman fell from his Horse down a Precipice and broke his Neck, by which he would press a piece of History upon us without any good Ground;He likewise recites the Pun which brought on this Judgment, and had his Horse punnd no better, he deserved to be drownd in a Horse-pond. But the Story is all mistold; a Pun indeed there was, and with some Relation to a Horse; For it seems this Man of Wit happened to call the maid of the House where he lodged, a Sow; and then he told a Friend, that it was the Poets Horse, for he had called Peg a Sus; which was a very happy Turn of what we call the Remote or longinque kind. Neither did the Gentleman break his Neck (for the Author allows him to be a Devonshire man, and not from Brecknock) but is alive and Hearty at this present writing. So that although I cannot affirm this Writer is a Conjurer, yet I think from publishing so premeditate a falshood he may justly be called a Neck-Romancer.
I am with great Respect
Sr
Yr &c.