Chapter 15

Silence woke her. Ana’s eyes opened and she stared at the dresser opposite her. The first of the morning’s rays crept in through the high windows and bounced off the white walls. She would have preferred the weather represent her mood, dark and gloomy, but instead, Mother Nature had other plans.

Chance’s arm hung over her waist and his rhythmic breathing filled her ears. She wasn’t surprised to find him there with her. She was glad he’d remained with her through the night. Strange dreams had filled her sleep, bits and pieces filled her thoughts, like images of her mother and sister, laughing and talking around the Christmas tree while opening presents, and Chance slipping his grandmother’s wedding ring onto her finger. All memories of things that never would have happened if she’d died that night on the mountaintop. All of them, gifts.

Ana slid herself toward the edge of the bed and felt Chance’s hand slip from her body. His breathing remained the same. She didn’t want to disturb his sleep. Knowing him, he was likely up most of the night trying to find ways to help her. He was her valiant protector. He’d saved her life countless times. But this time . . .

As quiet as she could she pulled on a sweater and jeans and walked barefoot out of her room. Her stomach growled. A pain echoed through her belly, sending a clear message. Her mind was numb; food was the last thing she cared about. Just the same, she walked down to the kitchen to rummage for breakfast.

A dinged-up banana seemed as good as anything, so she picked it out of the fruit bowl on the counter. She peeled away its skin and took bite after bite until it was gone, never tasting its flavor or enjoying its sweetness.

“Good morning, Ana.”

She jumped, startled. Ana spun around to find Lifen in the doorway. Her hair was pulled back into a neat bun. Faint circles hung below her eyes, although nothing could mar Lifen’s pristine beauty.

“Morning,” Ana responded. “You look tired. Did you get any sleep?”

“Oh, some,” Lifen said, her cheeks lifting into a melancholy expression. She entered the kitchen and put the kettle on the stove. “Would you like some tea? It looks like we both might need it.”

“Sure.” Ana was devoid of the ability to make or continue conversation.

Sensing that, Lifen continued, “Are you up for some activities today?”

“Um, I thought I wasn’t supposed to use my powers anymore.”

“Yes, that is true. We do not want you using your powers, but that does not mean Gabby and I have to stand idly by. We would like to try some things to see if they help slow down the process.”

“Fine. I didn’t have anything else on my calendar for today.”

Lifen rested her hand on Ana’s shoulder and immediately following, a sense of calm filled her. A soft glow emanated from Ana’s exposed skin and Lifen withdrew, her eyes wide.

“Thanks anyway,” Ana said while tears threatened to pour out.

Lifen looked like she wanted to hug her. Her voice was choked up when she responded, “I am so sorry. Would you look after the water on the stove and I’ll go wake up Gabby. We can get started right away.”

Ana nodded. She watched Lifen turn from the room in a hurry. Ana wondered if she’d left because she didn’t want Ana to see her emotion or fear.

Standing alone in the kitchen sipping her tea, every mouthful scalded her throat as she swallowed it down. A good ten minutes went by before she heard footsteps come down the hallway.

Gabby rounded the corner with a brush in hand. Her makeup hadn’t been ignored, eyeliner traced an arc along her upper lids and thick mascara coated her lashes. Fuchsia lipstick made her lips stand out. There was nothing about Gabriella that didn’t stand out.

“Late nights and early mornings,” Gabriella grumbled. ”How am I going to get my beauty sleep? This does not help with puffy eyes. I do not know how you always look so good.” She rested her hand on her hip. “I take that back. You look like hell, no offense. How are you doing today, sweetie?”

Ana just stared at her reflection in her mug and her cheeks began to quiver. Before she could say anything, Gabby came up to her and gave her a hug.

“It must be hard being told you are dying. But you were not around last night while everyone was making plans and working things out. We will do everything we can. You better believe me, because I am no liar.” She squeezed Ana’s shoulders and pulled away. “You going to offer me some of whatever you are drinking? Please tell me there is caffeine in it.”

Ana laughed and shook her head. “Yeah, there’s caffeine in it. Thanks, Gabby.”

“Well, Lifen said to meet her in the mediation room in a couple minutes. That gives time to eat something quick. Have you seen Derek today?” Gabby said as she opened up one of the cupboards.

“No, I haven’t seen any of the guys.” Ana took another sip of tea and said with a smirk, “Looks like you two are getting close.”

Gabriella shot her a wink over her shoulder. “I decided he is cute and the protective type, which is bueno for me. Plus, we both have enough crazy going on that we don’t have anything to be embarrassed about.”

Talking about anything but her own problems was exactly what Ana needed right then. Falling easily into the distraction, she allowed herself to chatter carelessly with Gabby until they went to the mediation room. Lifen was waiting for them, sitting cross-legged on a meditation cushion.

“Welcome,” she said.

Ana and Gabriella joined her on the floor on their own cushions. She was curious to see what Lifen had planned for her.

“I would like to apologize to you, Ana,” Lifen said. “You were in my presence for so long and I feel I should have sensed there was something wrong. Instead, I was excited by your amazing powers and encouraged you to expand your abilities when that clearly was a mistake.”

Ana was surprised by her sudden apology. She certainly didn’t blame Lifen for anything, least of all knowing there was something wrong with her. “It’s okay. Really. Did you even know something like this could happen?”

“No.” Lifen kept her eyes downturned.

“So how could you know there was anything wrong if you didn’t know anything about it? Please don’t waste any more energy on feeling bad.”

“Very well.” Lifen looked up at her and bowed her head slightly. “First I would like to ask how you are feeling, physically. Anything that hasn’t been normal for you recently?”

Ana paused to think about it and said slowly, “Well, I’ve been eating more than usual. I’m hungry like all the time. Oh, and I’ve been getting headaches.”

Lifen pursed her lips. “That could be the amount of energy that is collecting inside of you. Will you tell me if your symptoms change at all? I want to keep you as comfortable as possible.”

Without speaking, Ana nodded.

“Thank you,” Lifen answered. “I spoke with Mac last night. We feel the best thing to try first is to pull energy away from you. This is not a typical practice among healers—only amongst those intent on harming others. You have so much energy collecting that will ultimately harm you, we want to see if we can slow the process by taking some of it away from you. I have never tried this before—Mac and I have never actually met someone like you, so I will have to improvise.”

Ana knew Lifen well enough to see just how unhappy she was. She was obviously out of her comfort zone and did not like the idea of winging it when Ana’s life was on the line. Ana figured that Lifen would have said something before, but she had to ask, “You really don’t know anything about phoenix form? No one we could ask?”

“I am truly sorry, but I cannot think of anything. I have only heard whispers of such a form.”

That would have been too easy. Ana shrugged. “So, what do you need me to do? Just sit here?”

Lifen shared a look with Gabriella. “Yes, you are the patient now. Let us know if something does not feel right.”

Gabby added, “I will lay my hand on your arm and try to pull your energy. I practiced last night with Lifen, but I am only a beginner.”

“We all have to start somewhere,” Ana responded, trying to offer Gabby some consolation, although she didn’t personally know what it was like starting at the bottom. From the start, she’d flown past everyone else. She’d even been a danger to be around at the first meditation session, pulling in the guys’ energy.

Gabby grew serious and laid her hand on Ana’s arm. Lifen’s eyes narrowed and Ana felt her concentration settle on her abdomen. She knew what her mentor was doing because she’d trained her to do the same thing: focus in on the patient’s energy, see it in your mind and reach out to it with your own. It took all of Ana’s willpower not to relax into a meditative state and see what was happening from an energy point of view. So she wouldn’t be tempted, she closed her eyes and thought about other things, like the laundry she needed to do and the dishes in the sink she’d spotted while she’d made her breakfast.

After a few minutes, her shoulders drooped and the caffeinated tea seemed to lose its effect. Tiredness consumed her and the thought of her bed seemed very appealing. Then she realized Gabby’s hand was no longer touching her.

Lifen’s voice broke the silence. “How are you feeling?”

Ana reopened her eyes with effort and braced her hands against the floor so she could lean back. “I’m wiped. Does that mean it worked?”

Lifen was scrutinizing her and Ana guessed she was seeing the energy glow.

“I am watching to see. Your light at the beginning was extremely bright and we were able to draw quite a bit out of you. I don’t know how long it will take for your body to regenerate that power or if it will only spur more energy growth.”

This situation was strangely familiar to Ana. So many times in her life a doctor had told her that they were going to try something new and would have to wait and see how her body would deal with the change before promising anything.

Ana rubbed her face with her hands and thanked God that her mother wasn’t there with her to hear her new diagnosis. She wouldn’t understand it. Ana didn’t even understand it.

“Are you bueno or no?” Gabby asked with concern.

“Sure.”

She was really the furthest thing from it, but nothing Gabby could do or say could change that.

Lifen spoke again and her eyes remained on Ana. “I would like to continue to monitor you through the morning. Gabby, if you would like to take a break you may. Go see if the others need any help, if they’re up.”

Gabby lifted herself to her feet. She adjusted her shirt and said, “Maybe I will take some tea to Mac outside. If I can find him.”

“Just yell out to him and he will come to you,” Lifen called out as Gabby left the room. After she’d gone, Lifen turned to Ana and seeing her confused expression, explained, “After you left last night, we decided it was best to keep an eye out for Ryan. Batukhan, Mac and I are taking turns at a post outdoors. If Daemon is in Ryan and he’s aware of your growing power, he will be anxious to return to you before, well, before anything happens to you.”

“I see,” Ana responded. “But how can we be sure that Daemon survived after I pulled him out of Chance? Maybe he really is gone.”

“Maybe, but it isn’t something any of us are willing to risk. I don’t want you to worry about that for now. You are safe from him here.”

But not from myself, she thought. She was a danger to herself no matter where she went. A ticking time bomb.

Maybe they’d be able to slow the process down. Or maybe they’d be able to track down a phoenix feather or a being who knew the form. She wasn’t a mathematician, but it didn’t seem like the odds were in her favor. Ana didn’t want to discourage everyone, but she knew in her heart it was impossible. Death would come to claim her.

“Oh,” Lifen breathed out.

“What is it?” Ana asked in concern. Had Lifen read her mind and her true feelings?

Lifen smoothed out the lines of her skirt, then held still. It took her a moment to speak and when she did, her voice was filled with sadness. “You have already regenerated the energy that we removed from you. It would be a beautiful thing, watching your energy bloom like it does from your core, if it weren’t such a destructive force.”

She should have been surprised, but she wasn’t. Minutes ago she had been exhausted and now she felt just as though she’d woken from a rest. Ana placed her hand on Lifen’s. “It’s okay.”

What else was there to say? She felt badly for Lifen, who so obviously wanted to help Ana. No one likes sitting by as a person you care about is dying. The expression on her face rivaled Melissa’s and the guilt Ana had felt for causing her mother pain for all those years was resettling in her heart, making it heavy. She didn’t want Lifen to carry sadness because she couldn’t help Ana.

Then she thought of something.

“Do you remember when you got angry with me for fixing Ryan’s energy leak?”

She normally wouldn’t have brought it up again, since Lifen had been so upset at the time, but the memory had given her an idea.

Lifen’s face lifted and her expression appeared like she had tasted sour milk. “I do not like thinking of the methods that I used to follow. Why are you reminding me of these painful things?”

“Because it could help us now—”

Lifen’s eyes widened as she held Ana’s gaze. She said in a soft voice, “Yes, I think it could. Ana, would you mind?”

“I wouldn’t have suggested it if I weren’t okay with it.” Ana smiled in encouragement at her mentor who straightened in her seat.

Not another word was spoken. Lifen’s eyes grew unfocused and stared blindly at her, although Ana knew she was seeing just what she needed to. Minutes passed and the difference was subtle.

“There,” Lifen said. “It’s a wider hole in your energy’s membrane than I used on the boys, but let’s see if it works. It may reseal itself. They would on the boys after a period of a week or so—I’ll keep an eye on it.”

“Who knows, maybe it’ll give me the extra time I need. It could mean the difference of a week or months. Thank you, Lifen.” Ana forced a smile. If she’d been talking to Chance, he would have seen through her false optimism, but lucky for her, Lifen wanted to believe her.

“Maybe you should rest. I have quite a few books I’ve collected through the years. Although most of them aren’t written in English, a few of them are. You could sit in the living room and do some reading. You may not be able to exercise your body and powers, but there’s nothing from stopping your mind.”

Lifen rose from the floor and helped Ana up. Expecting to be led elsewhere in the house, Ana was surprised when Lifen guided her to the back wall of the meditation room. She pressed against the wood paneling when something clicked. The wall pivoted outward to reveal floor-to-ceiling bookshelves.

Her mentor touched the spine of a leather-bound book. “Feel free to read anything you want. But please take good care of them and return them when you are through. Some books are many centuries old and very valuable.”

“Thank you,” Ana said and turned her head sideways to read the titles.

Many of the books she’d never heard of or, like Lifen had warned her, were written in a different language, but one jumped out at her. She was surprised to find it on the shelf, knowing what she did about Lifen.

“You own Jane Austen? Isn’t she a little too—romantic for your taste?” Ana asked, suppressing a grin.

Lifen’s expression remained stoic. “For too long I believed that love was only something a woman could feel. In many ways I believed her novels were silly, but I am proof that angry people are not very wise.”

Ana plucked the blue, leather-bound novel from the shelf and stared at the silver foil that decorated its spine.

“Angry people aren’t the only stupid ones,” Ana said in response.

She took a deep breath and walked out to the living room, book in hand. She stood before the sofa, remembering countless days that she’d spent on bed rest, ordered to take it easy. Her heart had been too weak and now it wasn’t strong enough to overcome her ailment. The stars were calling her home. Who was she to deny them?