Contents

Part 1

I am what I am

traumatIC faCe INCIDeNts

NerD rash

DILemmas aND CONuNDrums

hOw I LearNeD that there’s NO suCh thlNG as a free LuNCh

hOw Me aND MY Mum wrOte Letters

hOw we Came tO aN UNCOmfOrtaBLe arraNGemeNt

hOw MICheLaNGeLO stOPPeD me BehavING LIke a tOtaL turNIP

aND theY DleD sCreamING

a BrIef wOrD aBOut the tOtaLLY raNDOm Nature Of sChOOL assemBLY

keePING MY eGGs INtaCt

Part 2

a temPOrarY INterruPtlON tO the GeNeraL ONwarD fLOw Of mY stream Of CONsCIOusNess Narrative

eGG CarNaGe

twO’s COmPaNY . . .

. . . But three Is a MaGIC NumBer

a PartlCuLarLY GreY tuesDaY MOrNING IN wreXham

rIDICuLOusLY riDONkuLOus

a NOt PartlCuLarLY GreY weDNesDaY MOrNING IN wreXham

what haPPeNeD IN the kltCheN at the PartY

there are BIG shIPs aND smaLL shIPs . . .

CONtemPLatING MY CONuNDrums aND DeaLING wIth MY DILemmas

aPOLOGIes . . .

. . . aND haPPY eNDINGs