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AFTER HE HAD KISSED me, Kian was delirious in his awkwardness. He offered me mermaid tea; he forgot to heat the whistling kettle. He wondered if we should take a walk; he remembered it was nearly three in the morning. He tripped over the tablecloth and confused the butter knife with the jam knife. On his face there was a smile I had never seen before, a picture of true happiness and ebullient joy. I had never seen anyone look happier, more exquisitely radiant in my life!
Until I looked in the mirror. I looked different, I thought – so much older. The kiss had brought rosiness to my cheeks and a sparkle to my eyes I had not seen before. I could not wipe the smile off my face even if I tried.
“It is late,” said Kian, after we had finished eating some bread with jam and butter to settle our aching stomachs. “We must go to sleep, and we shall solve everything on the morrow. There is – there is a bedroom upstairs – and here, downstairs, there is the couch.” He stumbled over his words. He looked less like a prince, then, less like a restrained and honorable prince of the Royal Court, all cold and noble, and more like a young man, alive and full of energy, of desire.
“Stay,” I whispered, and took a corner of the couch, curling up with him. I wanted his strong arms around me in the morning when I woke.
“It is not right,” he said. “I will not insult you...”
I smiled. “Don't worry,” I said. “I mean – I only mean...stay until I fall asleep.”
I fell asleep with his fingers stroking my hair as I dozed into unconsciousness. I could feel him kiss my hair and forehead before he tiptoed upstairs to sleep.
He woke me in the morning with another kiss.
“Good morning, Princess,” he said. He took my hand. “You've been sleeping like you've been bitten by the Lethe Bug.”
“That probably makes more sense in fairyland,” I said, rubbing my eyes. The sun was hot in the air; it must have been afternoon.
Kian’s eyes roamed my face lovingly. Without warning, he took me into his arms then and kissed me softly and then deeply. I responded back, winding my hands into his thick black hair and pulling him closer. When we finally broke apart, our breaths were ragged, and we held each other tightly. “Oh Breena,” Kian said. “I wish - I wish we can hold each other like this forever. I wish we were not who we are so circumstances between us would be different.” He put his face to mine where our cheeks touched each other’s. “Ah Breena, my Breena, what has fate done to us?” said Kian, and laughed bitterly. “I – I must apologize for last night. What happened could not be.”
“Why?” I sat up.
“As a chivalrous soldier – as a man – I cannot keep the lady I love imprisoned.” he said. “But as a Prince of the royal Court, I have a duty to follow the commands of my Queen, to whom I have sworn allegiance and fealty beyond that of any other bond...” he said gravely. “I cannot deny my....inclinations towards you; nor can I deny that there is little I love so well as the Winter Court! I do not want to see it burned up by Summer – and this is a war, Princess. My family, my people, my country is under siege from yours; as long as there is war – to love you would be treasonous.”
“Don't worry,” I said. “Don't you see – if we unite our kingdoms – if we were to...join together - surely then the war would have to stop!” (Marriage? I thought, in the back of my mind. I was beginning to sound like Kian. I had no desire to get married, for goodness's sake – I was only sixteen, and had had enough of proposals following Delano's attempt on me).
“It is impossible,” said Kian. “Even if we were to defy the wishes of the current rulers – who would never allow it – I promise you – we would have to contend with our duty to our people. The winter fairies trust me; when you ascend to the throne, the summer fairies will trust you! How will it look as a ruler if you succumb to your passions, your feelings, for the enemy, no less, instead of leading your people? If the two of us were to marry, we would be forced to unite our kingdoms; how could Summer and Winter fairies live side by side. Two different sets of customs, of traditions! There would be the question of the occupation of the Autumn villages; there would be the question of language, of military forces. Your people would always see you as having betrayed them and put a winter king on the throne – think how many of them know Winter as the land that killed their sons, their husbands, their fathers in war...”
“But we were intended, once!” I cried.
“That was before the war,” he said, darkly. “Since then much has changed in Feyland.”
He had a point. I had paid attention in history class well enough to know the basics of politics, and I gathered that allowing a hated enemy on your throne wasn't the best or smartest move.
I slipped my hand in his. “We'll figure it out,” I said. “Together. We'll find a way to make peace.” I had always been a hippie, I thought to myself.
“Easier said than done!” said Kian.
But he took my hand and kissed it. He allowed his eyes to linger over my face, his expression full of adoration, of passion, of love. “My Queen,” he said. “My prisoner – my Queen.” He stood. “I cannot keep you here,” he said. “And yet I must keep you here...” I saw the torment in his eyes, the frustration he had in loving me, yet loving his kingdom. Fate and the law of magic had an ironic sense of humor.
“Stop,” I said. “I am not your prisoner any longer. I am a willing delegate from the Summer Court, offering myself up willingly in order to help broker peace in the region. So you can stop worrying about your honor. I'm as free as you are, Kian, and I want to stay with you. I want to help fix this. And,” I cupped his cheek in my hand, “I want to give you your sister back.”
He smiled through his gloom.
“I will take you to the Winter Court,” he said. “But we will find a way. Do not worry, Breena. We will find some way... I – my heart, my soul won’t give you up so easily.”