CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

 

 

Standing in the manager’s office somewhere behind the main bar at The Gifted Crow, Jake straightened his collar in the mirror. The last time he’d worn a shirt and dressed smart it had been a very different day. One he didn’t care to remember, especially five minutes before he went on stage to perform his first gig in four years, which, up until recently, he never thought he’d ever do again. He’d neatened his hair a little, even had a shave, unsure whether it was to impress the punters, or a certain woman who lived down the hall who he knew would be in the audience with her friends tonight. Who was he kidding? He might have been more nervous about her than anything else, although he was supposed to be working on getting a grip of that.

The place was pretty full by the time he’d arrived. A lot of them regulars apparently, most had come again tonight after the MC had announced last night that he’d be playing here. Simon, the guy who’d booked him, had told Jake it was busier than usual for a Friday night. There was a lot of expectation from him then. Nice to have the added pressure when you were nervous anyway.

As he looked at his reflection, Jake was sick of his past following him around. He hadn’t deserved any of it, his mum hadn’t deserved any of it. It had been so long yet it still wasn’t over.

He closed his eyes for a moment as an image of his mum popped into his head. This time he allowed it. Just for a minute. He saw her smiling at him on the evening before his first day of high school. After lots of persuading, Jake had tried his new uniform on and she’d looked so proud. “Look at you, my handsome boy,” she’d said. And at the time he’d pulled a face, squirming at the silly compliment and the way she’d straightened his hair. Now, though, even at twenty six, he’d give anything to hear her say those words to him again. She’d been so happy in that moment he would never forget it. It had been the first time since his dad had died that she’d really smiled.

Too much, he thought, squeezing his eyes shut. Jake inhaled an unsteady breath as he stopped his mind from reminiscing. It was dangerous; the bad always followed the good. Right now, he was in a good place and he wanted to keep his mind peaceful so he could deliver a decent performance.

He couldn’t let the bad anywhere near his head right now. Not when he was about to go on stage. Tonight he’d sing for his mum. That’s what will get him through.

There was a knock at the door. “Jake?”

“Yeah.”

It opened and one of the lads who worked behind the bar popped his head in. “Hi. There’s a woman here, wants to see you.”

“Uh, yeah. It’s cool.” He wondered who it was for a moment and then Charlie walked in with a smile that lit up her whole face and sent a feeling through his chest that took him aback. Shit. What was it about this woman? Straight away his dark cloud lifted a little; it wasn’t the first time her presence had done that.

“Hi,” she said, looking a little unsure. “I hope it was okay to come back here.” She closed the door.

“Yeah, of course.” Jake was very aware he was looking at her through different eyes now and it was unsettling. The feelings she always brought out with her presence alone were getting harder and harder to ignore. But he had to keep fighting it. There was no way he could start something with her. Not now.

Allowing himself a minute, he took her in, liking what he saw. Tight black jeans and a casual, grey top that fell off one shoulder. It was a nice shoulder. Unbidden, he imagined his lips there, his tongue tasting her silky smooth skin.

For fuck’s sake, get a grip, Jake.

“Nervous?”

Of you? Yes. “No, actually. Well, maybe a little.”

“You’ll be brilliant. I know it.”

Words didn’t come, no matter how much he tried to respond to her good faith in him, his mind shorted out. Damn, the woman had a way of doing that.

“Anyway. I just wanted to come and wish you luck.” A glance behind her told him she was obviously casing where the door was so she could make a quick getaway due to the awkwardness he’d thrown out in the small room. Man, he was a right dick.

“Thanks.” See. . . you can say words. What the fuck was happening right now?

Whatever, he had to put this right before she went out the door. When she turned he reached out and touched her arm. “Hey.” She faced him again, those blue-green eyes with their black spidery lashes capturing his. “I really do appreciate what you did. I tried to tell you that the other night.” A frown appeared. “If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be here tonight doing this. So, thanks.”

Charlie didn’t say anything for a minute and he wondered if he’d actually said all that out loud. Then she surprised him when she stepped into him and stretched up like she was going to say something in his ear. Jake bent a little, then froze when she kissed his cheek. Instinctively, he pressed his face towards her when she lingered, and thank God he was consumed by that lovely perfume. It was something to focus on instead of turning into her kiss and devouring her mouth like he wanted to. The fresh familiar scent filled his head and he closed his eyes briefly while he enjoyed it.

When she pulled away, her cheeks were flushed. “For luck.” Then she turned away with a smile and Jake couldn’t say a single word as she left the office. For a moment he stood staring at the door. The kiss had been unexpected, and now he didn’t know how to deal with it. It might have been just a peck on the cheek. But the way his body had reacted, he knew it was much more than that.

As he repositioned himself in his jeans he figured he’d better get to thinking of other things before he was forced to walk out on stage with an obvious bulge in his pants.

Shit.

An hour and a half later, while he was singing the song he’d written for his mum, Jake felt more content than ever before. The nerves had left him quickly, and the audience seemed like they loved his set. He’d mixed it up a little, singing his own songs mixed in with covers of Ed Sheeran, Coldplay, and a few more, trying to cater for everyone. He’d even done a couple of requests. As he was reaching the end of his set, he’d wound it down a little. It was harder than he realised to sing the lyrics he’d written so long ago. This song had been the first he’d penned as soon as he was capable, and the poignancy was making him a little shaky.

His eyes sought Charlie out, and he fixed his gaze on hers as she sat at the table a little to the right with her friends. Holding his gaze, she smiled, her head falling to the side as he sang to her and it wasn’t long until those feelings of sadness turned into something else. He knew damn well he was falling for her. It was crazy, but he couldn’t ignore how she made him feel. Of course, there was a chance he could be mistaking his feelings. Perhaps it was the friendship he was grabbing hold of. He’d been alone for long enough. And from what he knew already, Charlie was a warm and kind woman. And hot. Sexy. He definitely fancied her. There was no doubt about that.

No. The way his chest warmed and his body responded when he thought of her at night in his bed. . . Jake wasn’t dumb enough to dismiss it as friendship. Charlie had mentioned the word friend, but he was pretty sure she was into him too. Her eyes in that moment as she watched him told him that.

But he could only allow her to get close to him in his thoughts.

As much as he wanted her he couldn’t act on it, not only because he couldn’t risk caring for somebody, but after knowing what he did now and who might be back, he wasn’t willing to risk her safety.

Jake focused on the last words of the song, the ones that meant the most to him:

 

“I am me because of you. Your love will live on inside my heart.”

 

Then, after he struck the last chord and the applause filled the room, he stood from the stool and smiled, directing it at Charlie and then the crowd who had welcomed him.

Maybe he shouldn’t have accepted the gig. It was a risk, after all. The police had no leads on Arsehole and things had been quiet. Jake had laid low for the last couple of years, doing his own research, conducting his own enquiries, trying to find the bastard who seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth. He’d had the same kind of luck as the investigators.

He’d spent so much of his life looking back that hiding away came naturally to him—was used to isolation. Refusing to think about anything else other than revenge, it had dominated his life for so long he hadn’t realised how deep he’d fallen—how much of himself he’d lost.

Then he’d met her.

It was only since Charlie had come into his life, not that she was in his life as such, that Jake had started to feel like he could take a step forward. He’d finally glanced outside of the darkness that had consumed him for so long, and he liked what he saw.

So now he was here, doing something he’d abandoned long ago. Playing gigs was how he’d managed to climb out of his first well of darkness. It had helped him to breathe, to live some kind of life while he’d been in college. Little did he know that it would all come crashing down. Playing music had since been associated with tragedy. The thing he’d once loved had become something he’d despised. Until recently, he hadn’t even taken his guitar out of the case for God knows how long.

Since then, Jake had slowly learned to love playing again.

It wasn’t like he didn’t know what, or who, had driven him to do the open mic night last night. He was glad he had though. And had done tonight’s gig for that same reason.

Jake was playing with fire even thinking about letting her in.

He gave one last glance over at the table Charlie was sitting at as he exited the stage. Still clapping as she watched him leave, the proud smile caught him off guard, something he hadn’t felt before lightening his chest.

Was it possible to leave such trauma in the past and move forward?

Jake wasn’t all that convinced. What he did know, though, was that for some reason, there was a hand pulling him closer to the light and for the first time since he could remember, he wanted it.