CHAPTER NINETEEN

 

 

Charlie had to force herself to make a conscious effort not to stare at Jake as he coyly chatted with her friends. He’d joined them not long after he’d finished playing, and was sitting next to Charlie, sipping on a glass of coke, looking more relaxed than she’d ever seen him. It was hard to keep her eyes off him. The frown he’d constantly worn since they’d met hadn’t completely gone, but it wasn’t so harsh and she was struck by how handsome he was. She wasn’t the only one. Ever since he’d sat down he’d almost had a constant stream of people—mainly of the female variety—coming over and complimenting him, some clearly flirting. Although, when that happened, she noticed Jake would close off. The women did too, but still, they poured compliments over him and he accepted them gracefully, even though Charlie guessed he probably wanted to duck under the table and hide.

It was endearing.

Thinking back to how closed off he’d been, how intimidating he’d seemed when Charlie had first met him, she wouldn’t have imagined being here with him now, socialising, watching his gig, watching him.

She couldn’t deny what she felt for him.

It hadn’t taken long for her to start looking at him with more interest. It was confusing at first. There were times when she’d catch him looking at her with a quizzical look on his face, like he was trying to figure her out. More often than not the tension between them brought forth a feeling of unease. All this time Charlie had mistaken those feelings for wariness, warning signs that she shouldn’t get close. Now she realised it wasn’t that at all. She’d been afraid of losing her heart to someone who didn’t want it. Now, on top of those feelings there was excitement, anticipation. Hope.

He also seemed to be warming to her. Though in what way that was she didn’t know. When she’d had a moment of bravery and kissed him on the cheek in the office, Charlie had felt him go ramrod stiff, and when she’d pulled away he’d had a strange look on his face; not one she could decipher. If she was to guess, he’d probably been annoyed by her audacity.

Since then, though, Jake hadn’t run a mile, so that was a good thing. The kiss hadn’t scared him off.

A voice she didn’t recognise brought Charlie back out of her head. There was a man standing at their table.

“Jake?” He offered his hand. “My name’s Tommy Dickson. I’m an agent in the music industry.”

Unsure, Jake reached over and shook the guy’s hand. He was dressed smart in a navy two-piece suit and white shirt. No tie. His greying hair neatly styled to the side. Charlie noticed the gold watch and even in the brief appearance she could see it looked expensive.

“Hi,” was all Jake said, his face stoic.

“I just wanted to congratulate you on a great show.”

“Thanks.”

The smile the man gave him was a confident one and he didn’t seem put off by Jake’s passive tone. “You write your own songs?”

“I do. Yes.” No change in Jake’s demeanour and Charlie wanted to give him a bloody nudge as she looked between the two men.

The guy already had a card in his hand and he passed it to Jake, giving him a nod as if to take the hint that Jake wasn’t up to talking. “Give me a call. I’d like us to chat.”

After giving him a tight-lipped smile, Jake picked up his coke and acted like the interaction hadn’t taken place. Meanwhile, after looking at the card Jake had put down on the table, Charlie was all joyful about the fact an agent had shown interest in him at his first gig. “Isn’t that great?”

“Oh, yeah. The guy’s probably a chancer.”

The come down she felt right then doubled when he turned to her friends who’d been oblivious to the exchange. “Listen, guys? I appreciate you coming. It was good chatting with you, but I think I’m gonna take off.”

Charlie straightened, a pang of disappointment flashing through her as Jake moved to get up. Then he looked at her and seemed to hesitate. “Do you want a ride home?”

What disappointment? Joy had come along and kicked its arse. Trying not to appear too eager, like one of the unpopular girls who couldn’t believe the hottest guy in school had asked her to dance at prom, she blinked and tightened her jaw.

“Umm,” looking around at her friends, she saw Cara’s eyes flare wide for a split second, silently urging her to say yes. “Yeah, okay.”

Grabbing her bag from the floor by her feet, thankfully her hair fell down and hid the heat that had exploded to her cheeks. When she got up, she ignored the smirk on Cara’s face as her friend glanced over to share a knowing look with Selena. Jason saw it too, his eyes going from one to the other, a crease appearing between his brows.

“I’ll see you guys on Monday then?” Charlie said, her nonchalance not fooling them at all.

“Yeah, sure.” Jas wasn’t as enthusiastic as the other two, by the sound of it. But he could go stick his disapproval somewhere dark as far as she was concerned. She appreciated that he cared, but Jake hadn’t given him a reason to be weird.

“Goodnight.” Selena practically sighed as she leaned against her hand with a smile.

“Night guys,” Jake said, glancing at Charlie before walking away from the table, hopefully oblivious to the not-so-subtle exchanges going on between her interfering friends.

“Have fun,” Cara called in that sing-songy way of hers as Charlie followed Jake, resisting the urge to look back and glare at her friends. Staying close to Jake as they made their way through the pub, Charlie smiled while people stopped him to pay complements, a few asking for selfies. She felt her chest swell with pride, but she suspected Jake wasn’t really into all the attention; his head bowing lower the closer they got to the exit.

When they eventually got outside, no matter how hard she tried, Charlie couldn’t get the smile from her face. The bouncers smiled and nodded at Jake as he descended the three steps to the pavement, then he turned to her, taking in a breath like he was glad to be out of there.

“What’s that for?” he asked, his eyes narrowing.

Of course he’d noticed. “What?”

“Why are you smiling like that?”

“Oh, you know. . . I’m pleased it went so well for you.”

Giving her tight smile, he nodded. “Bike’s this way,” he said, gesturing down the street.

They walked side by side, and the lack of talking made Charlie scramble her brain for something to say to fill the silence. “I know I keep saying it, but you were great tonight. I enjoyed it so much.”

Glancing down at her, Jake smiled in that same tight-lipped way he always did, and she guessed that even a compliment from her made him uncomfortable. “Thanks. It was okay. Forgot some words, but I think I covered it well enough.”

“Really? I didn’t notice.” She was too busy internally swooning at him to hear actual words. Except for the ones he’d seemed to sing to her, especially during the song towards the end of his show. “That song you said was for your mum, you really wrote it for her?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s a beautiful song.”

“She was a beautiful person.”

Charlie heard his voice falter and she felt an ache in the middle of her chest. “Was?”

When he glanced at her she saw pain in his eyes. “Yeah. She died a few years back.”

“I’m sorry. Must have been hard.”

“Yeah. It was.” Clearing his throat Jake stopped next to his bike. That’s when Charlie realised he’d forgotten something. He was only carrying his helmet. “Where’s your guitar?”

“Can’t get the case and you on the back. Simon let me leave it in the office. I’ll swing by and pick it up tomorrow sometime.”

Going to the back of the bike, he unlocked the metal storage box she didn’t remember seeing last time. He took out a helmet similar to the black one he wore, only this one had a white stripe going around the middle. Holding it out to her he said, “Brought a spare with me this time. It’s a little smaller than my main one. Ordered the wrong size so it’s tight for me.”

As she took it, warmth ignited through her chest at the thought of him planning to ask her if she wanted a ride home. More of that wall was coming down. Small pieces, but they made a big impact. Grabbing hold of the neck strap either side, Charlie pulled the helmet over her head. It sat much more comfortable than the one she put on last time, but it was still a little loose.

As she went to mess with the strap, Jake was already reaching up. “Here, I got it,” he said, clearly anticipating the same struggle she had last time. Their eyes met as he fastened it and she felt him pause with his hands still there. Then he let go, getting his own helmet, putting it on, and straddling the bike.

When Charlie stepped closer, she couldn’t quite believe she was doing this again. In that moment she was torn in two halves: one part of her was nervous, the other excited as she flung her leg over the seat. This time she didn’t hesitate to put her arms around him, feeling more confident with her body wrapped around his this time. Since she was less nervous, she could enjoy the feel of him even though she shouldn’t. Even through his bike jacket she could feel the strength of him. His hard physique felt good in her arms.

When he turned the engine over, the deep vibration soared through her body as he twisted the throttle a couple of times. This time, for reasons she’d have to question later, the excitement of being on the back of his bike outweighed Charlie’s nerves. Maybe it was the cider, but she suddenly got the overwhelming need for some speed. Last time, with it being her first time, she’d gripped onto Jake so hard, keeping her eyes closed for a lot of the ride, not really wanting to think about the journey.

This time, whether adrenaline or booze had a part to play in it, she wanted to experience it properly. Tapping Jakes shoulder, he turned his head to her.

“Everything okay?”

Forgetting she had a much bigger head than usual, Charlie nodded and cracked her helmet against his. “Sorry.”

Jake laughed and she smiled even though she felt like an idiot.

“I’m okay. Listen,” she said, her voice raised to get over the deep sound of the motorbike ticking over, “we don’t have to go through the backstreets this time. Why don’t you take the faster way home?”

His body twisted around more, and she could see a glint in his eyes behind the Perspex visor of his helmet. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“You sure?”

It was so hard not to nod, especially as it was an easier way to answer over the noise of the bike. Instead she held her thumb up, tapping her fingers on his shoulder.

The bike revved, a loud groan, like an almighty beast roaring, waiting to be let out of its cage. She felt his arm press against hers at the front of him for a second, and then he pulled away, the force this time pushing her back against the backrest.

Shit. She gripped onto him hard with her arms and her thighs. You can do this, she told herself, taking a deep breath and hoping she could hold on tight to the adrenaline that had spurred her on as he weaved through the streets.

It was crazy; something Charlie never imagined herself doing.

For some reason she trusted Jake implicitly. Felt completely safe on the back of his bike.

He leaned quite sharply into a bend and she couldn’t help the nervous “whoa” she let out. When he was straight again, she saw his head turn back a little while his hand covered hers over his stomach, and she knew he was asking if she was okay.

Charlie answered by squeezing him, and he immediately increased speed. Nerves kicked in the moment she realised they’d entered a slip road for a faster road. The force wanted to push her body back, but she held on tight. Then as quick as she could blink, they were racing up the motorway in the fast lane, and, God, it felt fantastic. With a grin as wide as her face, Charlie held on to the leather-clad torso of the man who had already put a kink in her mundane life.

A while later she noticed their surroundings were no longer familiar. They’d been riding down quiet country roads for some time now, Jake proving he was a hell of rider as he navigated the winding turns with ease. Charlie never once felt unsafe. She did wonder where they were. Nowhere near home, that was for sure. The roads were dark, hadn’t been a streetlight for miles, only the bike’s headlights illuminating the road out in front.

After what felt like forever, they turned into an even narrower, tree-lined road, this one a little bumpy, which made Charlie hold Jake tighter. After another few minutes, the bike slowed right down and turned again, and from what she could see—which was very little—the space around them had opened up into a car park.

The bike came to a stop in front of a wooden fence with dense trees behind it. When he kicked the stand down, Charlie dismounted the bike as Jake removed his helmet. Taking hers off, she looked around, her eyes trying to decipher where they were through the darkness. When they adjusted, she realised there was more light than she’d first thought and saw the small car park was surrounded by huge trees. The moon illuminated the open space while the woods surrounding them were swallowed by darkness, the canopy too dense for the light to break through. She could just about make out a wooden cabin across the way.

“Hope you didn’t mind coming here,” Jake said as he got off the bike. He took the helmet from her and put it back in the trunk-type box on the back.

As long as you’re not going to kill me and bury me next to one of those trees, I’m good. “Where are we?”

It was a wooded area that seemed to be in the middle of nowhere. There wasn’t a sound. No passing traffic, no anything, except for the sound of hers and Jake’s boots on the gravel ground. The musk of the trees was heavy in the air.

“Symondshide wood.” She’d never heard of it. Didn’t even know she lived anywhere near somewhere like this. Proof she needed to get out and explore. “I found it out on a ride about a month back. It was in the day. I went for a walk on one of the trails. Not far. Just to see what it was like in the woods. Last time I came was a couple of weeks ago. I couldn’t sleep one night so I went out on the bike and ended up here.”

Moving to stand close to her, he said in a low voice, “Look up.”

She did, and immediately gasped. Now that she lived in a large town outside of the capitol, it was the first time in years that Charlie had seen a dark sky. Living in Hatfield, the town’s many streetlights and lit buildings polluted the night sky enough that the stars where she lived were few enough to even notice. She’d never seen anything like this though. Through the canopy of the trees that surrounded them, the inky-black sky was awash with a million lucid stars, like sparkling glitter dust, each one so bright and glistening. Beyond them were a million more. Charlie’s eyes watered as she tried to take in the wondrous sight. This, there were no words for. She didn’t think she’d ever seen such a clear, untainted sky.

“It’s beautiful,” she said when she could finally speak.

“It is, isn’t it.”

Charlie sensed Jake looking at her, and when she lowered her head to look at him, his eyes glistened in the moonlight as they stared back at her. Then he looked down, and she was surprised when he took her hand in his.

“Come over here.”

Walking with him, Charlie liked the feel of her hand in his, strong and warm, skin a little rough. His hold was surprisingly gentle as he pulled her over to the wood cabin. She wondered what he was doing, noticing the spring in his step while he pulled her along as eager as a kid in his favourite toy shop.

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.” Walking down the side of the small cabin, he stopped at a recycling point, a wooden structure housing several bins inside, about waist high. Without warning, Jake jumped up on it, standing there looking down at her while offering his hand.

“You’re joking?” Yeah, she really had the right footwear for climbing on things. If she’d have known she’d been going on an adventure she’d have worn hiking boots instead of three inch heels.

“Come on. I’ll help you.” You’ll be glad you did.”

After a few seconds of thinking about it, the light expression on his face was hard to ignore. So she took his hand, pressing her foot on the wooden frame and using it as an anchor as he pulled her up. He hadn’t finished though. Bending down, he linked his hands suggesting he wanted her to step into them.

Charlie’s eyes widened, looking up at the roof and back to Jake who was wearing a smile. “Up there?”

“Yep. It’s easy. Come on.”

For him maybe. Not for someone who only just managed to navigate stairs without tripping herself over and was likely to break her neck. Preparing herself for the impending embarrassment, she put the toe of her boot in his hands, and with one hand on his shoulder, she reached up with the other. When Jake hitched her up, she grabbed hold of the roof’s edge, lifting her knee and climbing up. Thank God he couldn’t see how she’d practically face planted onto the roof. Without any effort, Jake pulled himself up and over before walking to the middle where it was more level. When he sat down, Charlie joined him.

“It’s so peaceful here.” All they had for company was the trees that surrounded them and whatever nocturnal wildlife lived in the woods. Charlie could see why he liked it. It was a shame she didn’t have a car; she’d like to come here again. She’d love to see what this place looked like in the daylight.

Jake lay back and she wondered if she should too. After all, they were only enjoying the stars and it was easier to see them lying down. As soon as she did, Charlie couldn’t help feeling the intimacy of the moment.

“It’s hard to believe it’s real,” she said, staring up at the sky, feeling a profound sense of peace.

“When I was young, before my parents died,” Jake said, “we used to go to Wales on holiday quite regularly. My dad used to always take me into the mountains to look at the stars. He loved astrology. Taught me all the names of the constellations, always bought me books for Christmas. So when I found this place and saw how clear the sky was here, I didn’t want to leave. It brought back memories of my dad, stuff I hadn’t thought about for a long time. I felt like I could almost reach him up there, you know.”

No longer looking at the stars, Charlie’s eyes traced the silhouette of Jake’s face as he continued to look up to the sky. Lying back with his hands behind his head, knees up, the frown that was usually constant no longer marred his face. Just like her, he was at peace here. Charlie couldn’t help wondering what he’d been through to make him so closed off—so solitary. He always looked like something was troubling him; like he had the weight of the whole world on his shoulders and wasn’t happy about it. To think that he could find solace in something as simple as this, it made her more curious about his past.

Charlie hadn’t realised how long she’d quietly watched him, until Jake turned his head to look at her. A blush hit her cheeks that she was glad he wouldn’t be able to see. She smiled coyly before looking back up to the diamond encrusted ceiling.

In her peripheral, she knew he hadn’t turned away, awareness kicking her pulse up a notch. “Thank you,” she said, needing to break the silence.

“For what?”

“For bringing me here.” She looked at him again. “I’m glad you did.”

Jake removed his hands from behind his head. “Me too.” Then he turned back to their stunning view. A quick glance and Charlie saw one hand resting on his chest while the other went down by his side, and she felt his fingers brush hers. For a split second she contemplated moving, but she left it there. Then the movement of Jake’s finger as it brushed the back of her hand caught her breath.

Nudging hers against his, before she knew it their hands were joined, his warm and big around hers, their fingers interlocking. When he moved his thumb over hers, softly stroking her skin, her stomach buzzed with nerves as warmth seeped through her chest and made her inhale sharply. She didn’t know how long they lay there, but she felt like she could stay there all night, just the two of them, peaceful, enjoying being at one with nature. Close to each other.

A shooting star shot across the sky right past her eyes, and she gasped.

“I only just caught that,” Jake said, their hands breaking contact as he got up onto his elbow, turning towards her.

“I don’t remember seeing one since I was little.” Sure she’d seen one or two back home, but not for a long time. It was exciting.

He looked at her. “Really? My dad and I used to do this thing where we’d see who spotted the most. This is the place to see them. I saw quite a few when I was here last time. I didn’t leave until around five in the morning.”

“You stayed here all night?”

“No better place to sleep than under the stars.”

When he looked up again, Charlie couldn’t take her eyes off him, unable to fathom the change in him since they’d got here. It was like all the baggage he constantly carried around hadn’t entered the woods with them.

When he turned his head it was too late to look away so she smiled, not really knowing what to say in that moment. Then she noticed his expression change. The smile disappeared and is gaze became intense. When he moved towards her, leaning in closer, her heart took off in a gallop and she tried to look calm when in reality she was close to hyperventilating. Charlie’s eyes never left his as he leaned in. Then he stopped, his face only a hair’s breadth away, as if he was waiting to see if she pulled back. Or maybe he was about to change his mind.

The trees illuminated a little, the sound of tyres moving over gravel ruining the moment. Jake looked up, shadows moving around him as they ran from the headlights of the car that was pulling into the car park. Glancing down at her, he cleared his throat and when he moved to sit up, Charlie quietly huffed out her disappointment.

Funny how you could feel the loss of something you never had.

“We should head back,” he said, getting to his feet and holding his hand down to help her up. Moving quickly, Jake jumped from the cabin roof onto the bins down below, his haste a little unsettling. She couldn’t help feeling that if he could run away and leave her there he would. When Charlie sat on the edge of the roof, he reached up his hands, and she lowered herself into them, trying to ignore his proximity and the strong feel of his hands holding her waist as he helped her down. Barely saying two words, they got on the bike, ignoring the car that had pulled into the car park even though Charlie felt like letting the tyres down or something for ruining the moment.

Talk about shit timing.

This time Jake left her to fasten her own helmet. Before she could blink, they were out on the road, and she was wrapped around him again, filled with a mix of emotions as he navigated the bends of the country roads.

Charlie decided to file what had almost happened away until later, not wanting anything to sour their evening even though she knew he’d already retreated again. She’d have enough time to dwell on the almost kiss tonight when she was in bed no doubt struggling to sleep while her brain spun it around and around in her head.

The ride back was as exhilarating. Charlie suspected Jake liked having her on the back of his bike. Showing off his speed the moment they hit the motorway. It was exciting. Charlie was sure she actually laughed with joy at one point, Jake acknowledging her by tipping his head. This was something she could get used to; impromptu rides at midnight, lying under the stars with a gorgeous man.

The journey was over too soon. When Jake pulled into his parking spot outside their building her stomach sank a little. It was going to be hard to get back to reality after this, but at least she felt like they’d taken a step forward. Towards what, after his quick change in direction earlier, Charlie didn’t know, but she’d take the win, nonetheless.

She waited for Jake to secure his bike and, again, there was barely a word spoken as they went upstairs, a definite sign of Jake pulling away again. When they got to his door, he turned to her and the genuine smile he gave made her relax a little.

“I enjoyed tonight,” he said, fishing keys out of his pocket.

“Me too.” Charlie watched as he opened the door. Then he paused and turned to her.

“Thanks for coming to watch me. Made me feel better to see a familiar face out there.”

It was almost like the ride out to the woods hadn’t happened.

“It was a great night.” That was all she could think to say. Reflecting on the almost kiss was stalling her brain. She started to back away down the hall, trying to look as casual as she could, not wanting to make things more uncomfortable than they already were. For her anyway. “Goodnight, Jake,” she said, taking control of the situation.

For a moment, when he hesitated, Charlie thought he was going to say something. Then his brows pulled down and all he said was, “‘Night,” as he pushed his door open.

She turned around before he’d gone inside, eager to get to her place where she could flop on the floor and curl up in a ball. It was late, she was getting a headache—whether from the alcohol or all the excitement she’d felt on the back of Jake’s bike, she didn’t know. Maybe it was her brain protesting all the mixed signals he continued to give her. When she’d kissed him on the cheek earlier at The Crow, Charlie hadn’t been mistaken when she felt him turn his face slightly towards hers like he’d wanted more.

The guy was becoming a theme park ride: so many sharp turns and drops, it was making her head spin.

Tomorrow is another day, she thought.

Then she wondered what version of Jake she would get the next time she saw him.