CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

 

 

Throwing the quilt off, Jake got up and sat on the edge of his bed. His mind was driving him insane, everything rushing through his thoughts on a loop, over and over.

He’d gone to sleep with Charlie in his head. The kiss they’d shared had shocked him. Not only because he’d liked it so much, but because it had changed the direction of his feelings. What was it about that woman that messed with his self-control? Jake had never even been this way about any of the women he’d been with in his past. Why then, after all this time of disinterest, was she getting under his skin?

He knew if he gave in, it would be his biggest mistake.

The woman had skewed his focus.

Then there was Terry. That bastard was still crushing him even though he’d been out of Jake’s life for three years. But how long was it supposed to take to get over trauma like that? He guessed at never. Scrubbing his hand down his face he was hit with memories that threatened to destabilise him again just as they had a million times before.

He was a mess. Consumed by it all and it was getting harder to deal with.

Going into the bathroom he turned on the shower in the hope that the water spraying over his body would jerk him out of his reverie. Nope. Did it hell. Instead, thoughts went back to Charlie. He’d lost control earlier, showing a weakness he couldn’t afford to have. But the way she’d looked at him, the things she’d said so candidly, Jake had seen her in that moment, really seen her, and she’d never looked more attractive. She’d taken all rational thought from his mind in an instant, forcing him to admit to himself that he was beginning to feel things he shouldn’t.

Fuck, he was in trouble here.

Things were far simpler before he’d met her that day in the street.

Not only that, but Jake realised right then that Charlie was now taking up more of his headspace than his other problem.

When he was done in the shower he didn’t feel any better. In fact, he felt worse. The way he’d closed off from her, after allowing the kiss to happen, was riding his guilt train hard. He knew he was being difficult, had wanted to be at first, hoping she’d dislike him enough to move on. But what was the point if he wasn’t going to try harder?

One thing was for sure, Jake had a feeling he wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight unless he apologised.

Going into the kitchen and searching through one of the drawers, he eventually found a small notepad, then a pen. So it was lame putting his apology on a piece of paper, but it was all he could do right then to ease his conscience enough to get his head down for a few hours.

 

Charlie,

I want to apologise for last night. When I said I shouldn’t have kissed you, it wasn’t because I didn’t want to. But I’m dealing with stuff right now that I can’t get into. I promise you haven’t done anything; this is all me. I know that’s a cliché, but it’s the truth. I really wish things were different, because if they were, I wouldn’t hesitate to kiss you again.

If you only knew how bad the timing of this is.

I just wanted to let you know why I’ve been behaving like a dick.

I’m sorry.

J x

P.S. Maybe we should have each other’s number. Save the trees and all that.

 

Twenty minutes later, after staring at the note and convincing himself it was a good idea to post it, Jake was back in his bed, regretting posting it.

Fuck.

What a mess.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Standing at the breakfast counter while he hurriedly ate his bacon and eggs, Jake was still unsettled about the note to Charlie. On heavy reflection—the reason he’d only had about an hour’s sleep—he should have just left things as they were. Too late.

And now so was he.

Bollocks! He had ten minutes to get to work.

Considering it took him ten minutes to get there, depending on traffic, the fact that he was still standing in his flat didn’t bode well for him getting there on time.

Tipping the rest of the breakfast he didn’t have time to finish in the bin, he put the plate and fork in the sink and went down the hall. When he’d put his bike jacket on, a rustling sound drew his attention over by the front door. He saw a piece of paper on the carpet, and went over to get it, recognising his own handwriting on the outside of the folded note.

Opening it, he smiled when he read the short reply.

 

Jake,

I accept your written apology (coward).

But I won’t deny that you have been behaving like a dick. Whatever is going on with you, I’m here as your friend.

Char x

P.S. I will give you my number next time you kiss me.

 

Shit!