Friendship in the Emirati community is almost wholly regulated along gender lines, and there are few circumstances in which a man and a woman can be friends without provoking a scandal.
Religious, historical, and managerial implications mean that establishing a genuine relationship with an Emirati on an equal basis is unlikely. Working together in an organization is probably the most common way of creating a level of trust. Expatriates with similar cultural backgrounds to Emiratis find it easier to initiate relationships, and Muslim expatriates might feel they are part of a larger Muslim community in which all are more or less equal in the face of God. Those of Arab descent also have the advantage of being able to converse with Emiratis in Arabic.
Friendship is taken very seriously by Emiratis, and it represents a serious commitment in terms of time and honesty. Once a relationship is established, it can hardly ever be reversed (which makes enmities very severe). Some Emiratis have become disenchanted with visitors who seem at first to be open and friendly—which would demonstrate a definite commitment to friendship—but who then seem to back off.
Emiratis are very hospitable and welcoming, but also prone to ascribing certain characteristics to foreigners based on their nationality, without intending to be insulting. People with white skin often receive more respectful treatment than those with darker skin when first encountered. However, the UAE is rapidly becoming a cosmopolitan society. Residents often have considerable experience of world cultures, which is leading to greater tolerance and understanding. There is a distinct multinational expatriate culture that is emerging too, particularly in Dubai in which friendships are being formed based not so much on nationality but on shared interests.
Emirati friends and family of the same gender often greet each other with a nose kiss, by rubbing noses with each other, but it would be considered strange and perhaps amusing if a foreign visitor tried to do the same.
Even though Emiratis are almost always very used to conversing in English, It is always much appreciated when a foreigner tries to make a greeting in Arabic. The Arabic language is used in a formal way in many situations. The Arabic greeting universally employed, “Salaam Aleikum,” has the sense of “May peace be with you,” and the proper response is very similar, “Wa Aleikum as-Salaam.” This is used face-to-face as well as on the telephone and in e-mails. Arabic speakers will, depending on the circumstances, go on to exchange semi-ritualized pleasantries for some time: “How are you?” “How is your health, your family?” The proper Arabic response to these questions is “Al-Hamdu Lillah” (this varies slightly with dialects), which may be translated as “Thanks be to God.” Conversation is another opportunity for the individual to demonstrate their submission to God. Depending on the situation, there may also be offers of hospitality, and refreshments. It is generally polite to accept something when it is offered to give the other person the opportunity to demonstrate their hospitality.
In formal written communications or public addresses to organizations owned, or largely managed, by Muslim people, it is customary to begin with the religious invocation that means “In the Name of God the Compassionate, the Merciful.” Visitors are advised to seek advice from Emiratis in this regard or to pay attention to examples in newspapers and brochures, as to the phrasing required. Also bear in mind to be very discreet when using any kind of illustration or graphic with a communication.
Hospitality is one of the central virtues of Arab society. Its importance derives not just from an innate sense of decency, but from the historical background of life in the desert. In order for trade to flourish over long distances, it was vital that travelers could be sure that they would receive a safe and hearty welcome when away from home. This has become thoroughly integrated into Emirati society, and all members will take whatever opportunity they can to host other people with whatever might be available. What has changed in recent decades is the amount of money that most people are able to deploy and, hence, the scale of hospitality on offer.
Occasionally it might appear that people are competing with each other to demonstrate their virtue by offering ever more lavish refreshments. If enjoying the generosity of one person, it is nearly always a bad idea to comment on hospitality received elsewhere, especially if the current hospitality appears to be inferior in some way.
When accepting an invitation, it is as well to be aware that social occasions often last until the early hours of the morning. You should be prepared to spend this time, or politely make it known that you can only attend a portion of the event. Unexpectedly leaving early is likely to be interpreted as an expression of dissatisfaction, which would reflect poorly on the host’s sense of hospitality. On the other hand, be sensitive to a dropping off of conversation after a meal is finished as a signal that it is time to go. In the past, guests would belch to demonstrate they are replete, but this custom appears to have died out and is certainly not recommended! Guests should be fulsome and genuine in gratitude to the host, who will accept compliments gracefully.
Invitations to the home of an Emirati person are rare and valuable opportunities to get to know somebody. Being invited to a large compound with an extended family is quite different from being invited to the apartment of a young man or a couple, but in any case, it is appropriate to bring a small gift but don’t take anything that might be seen as a slight on the hospitality that the host might provide. Don’t take food, and especially don’t take alcohol.
It is normal to take off shoes when entering someone else’s house and to sit on cushions or low stools, and this requires some consideration of how to sit. Practice sitting cross-legged, keeping your legs covered. Women are advised to wear loose-fitting trousers, if not an abaya, to ensure modesty. In an all-female home environment, Emirati women may feel comfortable to take off their headscarves, and in doing it sometimes feels to a non-Muslim visitor as though social barriers also come down.
Depending on the type of social event concerned, there may be a fair amount of sitting down and not doing very much. This may appear unproductive, but it is an important part of getting to know each other and feeling trust in each other’s presence. If men and women jointly visit a house, they will be unlikely to meet inside until it is time for them to leave, as men and women are strictly segregated. Women tend to spend time dressing and beautifying each other, but this varies a great deal. Emirati women are usually forthcoming in remarking whether or not they like a particular item of clothing or hairstyle, or point out that someone has gained or lost weight, but no offence is probably intended in such remarks.
Strong, bitter shots of Arabic coffee and dates are likely to be served regularly, as they have been for centuries. One can imagine how the sweet dates and strong coffee would provide the perfect burst of energy needed, after spending time in the desert sun. It would be impolite to refuse too much of what is offered so, even if an individual maintains strict dietary habits, they should still accept what they can. Vegetarianism is not really part of Arabic culture, but suitable side dishes are likely to available such as bread, hummus, yogurt, lentils, and rice dishes. The syrupy Turkish sweet baklava and Emirati sweet fried dumplings luqaimat are both delicious deserts traditionally enjoyed in Emirati homes.
In both Arabic and Islamic custom, it is common for the left-hand side of the body to be considered impure and belonging to the devil. Consequently, items should be handed to another person only using the right hand, and this should also be used to receive items. When receiving something from a person with high status, the left hand may be placed underneath the right hand or supporting the wrist, but never in contact with the hand of the person giving something. Emiratis occasionally break this taboo by grasping a trusted person with two hands. In no circumstances should the left hand be used when eating communally, or when taking food from a bowl that other people are also using. Most Emiratis prefer to eat with their hands when they’re at home. Emirati children are required to write with their right hands irrespective of their natural proclivity, as is the case in many Asian countries, and this sometimes hampers them in their studies. However, comments about this would be considered impolite.
Muslim people are expected to wash their hands and arms up to the elbows, and feet and legs up to the knees prior to praying. Anything to do with the feet is likely to be considered unclean, and care should be taken not to point the feet at anyone or to expose the soles of the feet carelessly. Further, there is a correlation between status and being highest in the air, even when sitting cross-legged, and care should be taken to ensure not to tower over people who are seated. Following the examples of others will provide clues to the right behavior.
Finally, it is considered polite to efface oneself in many social situations—by persuading another person to go through the door first, for example, or by ordering a meal in a restaurant. This, like paying the bill for a group meal, can be quite an intense social struggle. Visitors should put up a little opposition before giving way gracefully, thereby permitting the other person to gain status by demonstrating generosity of spirit. It is necessary to refuse something several times before convincing another person the item is definitely not wanted. Do not offer an Emirati person something just once and accept the first, ritualized refusal. Make the same offer at least twice, remembering that Emiratis prize generosity above almost any other virtue.