Josh carefully placed the full gas can in the trunk, sliding it to the back and covering it with a spare blanket. He didn’t think JD would have any reason to look in the trunk, but he didn’t want to risk it. Even if a gas can could be completely innocent. Who wanted to be stranded in the middle of the desert? Towns were few and far between in the stretch of Nevada that unfolded before them.
He slammed the trunk shut and leaned against the car. He could see JD in the gas station, her hands full of junk food, waiting impatiently behind an old man using pennies to pay for his gas. According to his calculations, this would be their last stop until they reached their final destination. By this time tomorrow, it would all be over.
Josh put his hand in his jacket pocket, his fingers brushing against a handful of bullets. The gun they belonged to was under the driver’s seat. It had been ridiculously easy to buy a gun in Las Vegas. All he had to do was walk into a sporting goods store, point to the gun he wanted, and smuggle it back to the car so JD wouldn’t see it. No waiting period, no muss, no fuss. He had been tempted to buy more than one, but that wasn’t necessary, and it would have been difficult to hide a rifle, anyway.
“Do you want a smoke?” JD asked as she stepped out of the gas station.
Josh nodded. He hadn’t smoked in years, but suddenly the slow burn of the nicotine seemed to be exactly what he needed. Despite everything, he felt calm. Everything was in place, and he knew what he needed to do and…well, everything wasn’t quite in place. Despite the letter he left Cam and Sara, he felt like there was more to say. He wanted to know if they had listened to him, or if they were being fools and trying to follow him. He wanted to make sure they knew he loved them. He wanted to hear their voices. He wanted to ease this horrible pain in his chest.
“So,” JD said, shattering the quiet inside the car, “what did your shifter friends say when you told them you were coming to talk to me? From the way you made it sound, I would’ve expected at least one of them to be ready to Bronson my ass.”
“They didn’t say anything because they don’t know where I am, where I’m going, or who I’m with.”
She stopped in mid-chew, the red licorice string dangling almost comically from her lips. It took her a moment to bite through the strand and then another to swallow what was in her mouth. “You just left?”
“Yes. I snuck out while they were asleep. I couldn’t even tell them the truth to their faces.”
“So they don’t know about Iocor.” It was more a musing to herself than any kind of question, and JD sat there for a minute contemplating the implications. When she finally spoke up again, a fresh excitement was animating her features. “You know, if we work this right we can get rid of Nolan and end up spearheading the new research project ourselves. We could be partners, just like old times.”
Josh ground his teeth together, sending a spark of pain through his temple. “What new research project, JD? Are you planning one?”
“Oh, not me, but…” Her voice faded, the realization that she’d said the wrong thing sinking in.
Josh stepped on the gas, pushing the speed up over eighty. “What’s your new project, JD? Is that why you sabotaged what Nolan was doing?”
Anger flared in her pale eyes. “Don’t. You’ve been out of the game too long to be making any kind of judgment calls on me, Josh. Not after everything you’ve done.”
Josh knew he should say something soothing, hide his anger. He needed to keep JD on his side for now, and picking fights with her wasn’t the way to do it. “What’s your proposal?” he asked neutrally, professionally.
JD shook her head. “You tell me why you didn’t tell them first. You promised me answers, remember.”
Josh shrugged. He could be honest with her; in twelve hours it wouldn’t matter anymore. “I couldn’t stand to see the disappointment in their eyes. I promised them that nothing would happen to them because of me.”
“So you’d just leave them. After everything.”
Josh tightened his grip on the steering wheel. The speedometer hovered around one hundred, and the pain in his chest tightened. What did heart attacks feel like? “It wasn’t right to stay.”
JD’s eyes flickered to the dash. “Slow down, Josh. What good are you going to do if you kill us before we get there?”
Josh eased off back to eighty and set the cruise control. “What do you think, JD? I should have stuck around and waited for Nolan to find us? Or waited to get an up-close-and-personal introduction to your new research project?”
“Nolan’s on borrowed time. If you’d stayed hidden, it would’ve just been a matter of time.”
“A matter of time until what?”
Her lips pressed shut, so thin that they nearly disappeared. She turned away from him, staring out the window, as she twisted the licorice around her fingers, but her prolonged silence lasted for nearly five minutes before she broke it.
“Iocor was in negotiations with some government agency about using our shifter research for a new project. Nolan wasn’t getting the results he wanted, and then there was an upper management shuffle. The new CEO didn’t like the direction Iocor was going. So they changed his due date for the final report and moved it up by nearly a year.”
Josh wasn’t surprised. He knew his vision of Iocor was never quite in line with their actual purpose. He was born in the wrong era. Once scientific research became entirely privatized, nobody was interested in knowledge for the sake of it. Nobody wanted to devote time and money to research that wasn’t going to have a direct, positive financial impact on the quarterly report. Peer reviewed articles weren’t as important to board members as the projected figures. They weren’t running a charity, after all.
“What was Nolan looking for that he wasn’t getting?”
She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “Sara didn’t tell you what they were doing to her?”
“Sara didn’t like to share, and I wasn’t going to push her. Maybe eventually she would have felt comfortable giving details, but it didn’t really matter.”
“Why not? You used to live for that kind of detail.”
“I don’t live for the details about how the woman I love was tortured and tormented for a solid two years.”
When JD fell quiet again, Josh risked looking over to see what had stopped the conversation this time. He needed more answers, damn it, but if JD wasn’t going to cooperate—
“I don’t get it.” At his frown, JD elaborated. “I mean, I understand she’s important to you. I really do. But I don’t understand how you could’ve let it happen. They’re not even human, Josh. Not really. How could you let yourself forget that?”
“I guess that depends on your definition of human. Biologically, they’re the same. Same number of organs in all the right places, and same nervous system, same blood. I could have a child with Sara if I wanted, and our child wouldn’t be infertile. I don’t yet know the mechanism of shifting, and I don’t think they know either. Is that what Nolan was trying to figure out?”
“Isn’t that what we’re all trying to figure out?” But her curiosity wasn’t satisfied, it would seem, and some of the color leeched from her cheeks. “You wouldn’t really consider having a child with her, would you? That’s just…God, Josh, how? Why?”
“Well, not now,” Josh snapped. “It was just an example, JD. Humans and shifters have the same number of chromosomes.” He paused, watching the desert speed by them and thinking about Sara’s smile. “And if I ever did consider having a child with her, it’s for the same reason people typically have children together. I know you probably can’t understand ever loving somebody else that much, but most people do, at least once in their lives, at some point.”
“But that’s what I don’t understand,” she argued. “She isn’t just someone. She’s a shifter. A freak of nature. How do you love that?”
“She’s a teacher, JD. She teaches the fourth grade because her fourth grade teacher is her hero. She doesn’t know it, but she’s a hero now, too. The entire time she was gone, we were besieged with gifts, and visitors, and cards and children who didn’t understand why Ms. Sara wasn’t at school. She’s a dancer. She loves the ocean. She’s a San Diego Charger fan, even though she’s not that interested in football. She’s a lot of things, JD, but she’s not a freak.”
JD shook her head. He doubted she would ever get it. “If she’s as special as you seem to think, then how could you just leave her behind? Not that I’m not glad you did. Maybe you can find a real relationship now that you’re not under their influence anymore.”
“I left her behind because she and Cam deserve to have their lives back. The lives they had before I interrupted everything. I’m putting an end to all of this, JD.”
“What is it you think you’re going to do?”
“Atone. And so are you.”
She looked at him sharply. “I haven’t done anything wrong. And you might not be interested in any kind of future with Iocor, but that’s all I’ve ever worked for. I agreed to help you, but I’m not slitting my throat to do it.”
“No, there won’t be any throat slitting,” Josh said mildly. “Is Nolan definitely going to be there?”
“He should be. He’s been living there, trying to piece together enough so he doesn’t lose his job over this.” She paused. “What are you going to do, Josh?”
He ignored her direct question. She wouldn’t get any more answers from him. “Did you call him like I asked?”
“I’ve done everything else you’ve asked for, haven’t I?” Her voice softened, and she reached across the distance to lightly touch his arm. “I only want you to finally get some peace. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
Get some peace. Josh smiled. That was exactly what he planned to do.
* * * *
She knew her silence wore on Cam, but Sara couldn’t help it. There had been a few precious minutes of peace when she’d been talking about how fun it would be to live in San Francisco, when she could forget about why they were really on the road and about everything that had transpired the past couple years, and about how she looked in the mirror and still saw a stranger. Those had disappeared with the realization of what Josh was doing, and now, on the lonely stretch of Nevada highway as Cam drove carefully along, her earlier enthusiasm was lost.
She needed Josh back. He was her rock, the one who better understood her more playful spirit—well, back when she’d had one. But life didn’t make sense without him around, and she failed to see how he could ever believe they didn’t need him.
Cam needed him, too. His shock when she’d delivered the letter to him had been palpable. Damn it, didn’t Josh understand that?
But he’d always been stubborn about accepting his place in their lives. Even the small things had sometimes been cause for argument…
* * * *
Sara swore under her breath when she dropped her earring back, pausing in the hallway to stoop and pick it up before resuming her path to the bedroom. They were going to be late, and Cam’s parents would be too polite to say anything, but Cam would be disappointed which would only make Sara feel bad and—
“Damn it!”
She dropped to her knees to pick up the small earring back again, running her fingers over the carpet when she didn’t see it right away. At this rate, they were never going to get out of the house.
Cam’s shadow fell over her hand, and he joined her on his knees. “Lose an earring?”
“The back. If they weren’t the ones your mom gave me last Christmas, I’d say forget it and wear my hair down.” The heel of her hand grazed over something hard, and she pounced on it, beaming at Cam in satisfaction. “Ha! Stupid thing.” She tilted her head to the side, staying on her knees while she finished putting it in. “Is Josh ready?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t seen him all night.” Cam leaned forward and kissed her cheek before standing. “You look beautiful, by the way. Josh?” He called. “You ready?”
Josh’s voice drifted from his office. “For what?”
Sara frowned. “What does he mean, for what?” Rising to her feet, she hurried down the hall and pushed open the office door to see Josh sitting at the desk, his face alit from the glow from his laptop monitor. “What do you mean, for what?” she repeated. “The going away party is tonight.”
“Oh, I know,” Josh said, looking over his shoulder. “You look nice. Is that a new dress?”
“Yeah, but…”
That was when she noticed his jeans and T-shirt. There was no way he’d go to a party at the best restaurant in town without getting dressed up. She’d even managed to get Cam into something presentable, in spite of his argument that he was their son and they wouldn’t care if he showed up in a pink Speedo as long as he showed. That only meant one thing.
“Aren’t you going?”
“No,” Josh said slowly. “I thought I’d get caught up on some important work.” He gestured at the half-finished game of solitaire on his screen.
“Did he just say he wasn’t going?” Cam demanded from behind her.
Josh frowned. “Did you guys expect me to go?”
“Why wouldn’t you go?” Sara asked. “They invited all of us.”
“I didn’t realize I was invited as well.”
“Of course, you were.” Sara marched into the room to the desk, reaching over his shoulder to the keyboard. With a click, she closed his game and then grabbed his hand to pull him to his feet. “Come on. You can wear that new brown shirt I got for you.”
Josh gently pulled his hand away. “Sara, I’m not going. I’m sure you’ll have a lovely time, and please give Adam and Rita my best wishes.”
“Why aren’t you going?” Cam asked calmly, though he sounded concerned.
“Because I’m not…it might be awkward.”
“It’ll be awkward having to explain why you didn’t come,” Sara argued. “Everybody’s expecting you. And who’s going to dance with me when Cam starts complaining that his feet hurt?” Carefully, she took his hand again, only this time, she used the hold to get closer to him instead of pulling him along. “It won’t feel right if you’re not there,” she added softly.
Josh sent a helpless look over her shoulder to Cam. “Sara, do you really think anybody there wants to see me? Cam’s parents might ask where I am to be polite, and maybe a few of the guests will be curious, but I promise, my absence won’t hinder the celebration.”
“They don’t think less of you because you’re an outsider,” Cam said.
“Is that it?” She lifted wide eyes to Josh. “Nobody’s said something to you, have they?”
“The last time I went to a family gathering, most of the people refused to talk to me because they didn’t want to end up in my research, and everybody asked if I wasn’t finished yet.”
“But that was months ago. And you’re done now. They know that. But what does it matter anyway?” Sara laced her fingers through his, pressing her body to him as she rested her cheek against his shoulder. “You’re a part of us, whether they like it or not. And if anybody treats you differently than how they treat me, then I’ll leave with you.”
Cam stepped behind him, taking his shoulders, and sandwiching Josh between the two of them. “Josh, you know everybody does expect you to be with us. Nobody’s surprised by you anymore.”
“Maybe they’re not surprised, but how do you feel when you can’t shift because somebody has to sit with me while everybody else does…whatever it is that everybody else does?”
“It doesn’t bother me,” Sara said. “It’s not like shifting is all we are.” She smiled, trying to lighten his mood. “Besides, have you ever seen a group of cats and dogs dance? I need at least one person I can rely on to keep me company.”
“It bothers me,” Josh admitted. He looked back to Cam. “Do your parents really expect me to be there?”
Cam nodded. “Just like they expect Sara to be there.”
“Do they want me there?”
“Of course they do.” It broke her heart seeing him still doubt his place with them. Though he now shared their bedroom like they’d wanted for so long, it was still fresh and new enough for Josh to make him insecure beyond the safety of their home. “You’re family. You’re part of us.”
Josh smiled shyly. “I guess I’m being kind of silly.”
“Kind of,” Cam agreed, his mouth near Josh’s ear. “But we love you anyway.”
“I just didn’t want to make anybody uncomfortable. I’ll wear the brown shirt, Sara.”
“Good, because you look devilishly handsome in it.” On a whim, she wrapped her arms around both men, hugging them as tightly as she could. “Everybody’s going to be jealous of me tonight. I’ve got the two best looking men in town as my date.”
“No,” Cam protested, “Everybody’s going to wonder how a bum like me managed to trap the two of you.”
“Nobody’s going to be jealous of anybody if we don’t get moving,” Josh noted dryly. He kissed Sara’s temple. “I hope I didn’t upset you.”
“You would’ve upset me if you’d stayed home.” She took his hand and began dragging him out of the room. “Now let’s go. I feel like dancing.”