Chapter 11

T he children, Bigwig and Dog climbed carefully down the side of the roof and in through an open window. Pegleg Polly flew alongside them. Then they ran down to the audition room hoping to find the McNastys, but they had already gone.

“We must find them because they’ve got the key to dungeon 53 where Mrs. Slime and Miss Green are imprisoned,” said Hetty.

It wasn’t hard to find the McNastys. They simply had to follow the trail of dripping slime. They soon realized that it was leading to the moat — the McNastys must have gone there to wash off the worst of the slime.

On the way they ran into Mr. Bossypants, whose cries had finally been heard by a passing camerawoman who had turned the key in the cupboard lock and set him free. But even though the McNastys had locked him in there, Mr. Bossypants was still insistent that Bigwig and the children were mistaken to think that the McLuvvies were real pirates.

“It’s their artistic temperament. They are just determined to get into character,” he said.

“Well,” said Bigwig, “their characters are exceptionally nasty and I will not have them in my movie,” and he ordered Mr. Bossypants to evacuate the castle immediately. If things turned very nasty and ghastly, he didn’t want anyone getting hurt.

Mr. Bossypants was very surprised. He wasn’t used to being ordered about and he didn’t like it. He drew himself up to his full height and puffed out his chest like a small frog. “Smell my —” he began furiously.

“Never again,” said Bigwig firmly. “For once you will do what you are told, and if you don’t, I will fire you and tell everyone that you wear a fake mustache.”

The children, Bigwig, Pegleg Polly and Dog followed the trail of slime to the moat. The McNastys were there, whacking and whalloping each other because they had suddenly realized that they had again forgotten the number of the dungeon where the treasure was to be found. They broke off fighting when they saw Bigwig and the children.

“We need the key to the dungeon where you’ve locked Miss Green and Mrs. Slime,” said Hetty urgently. “Poor Mrs. Slime can’t stop sneezing, Miss Green can’t stop crying and the snot levels are rising dangerously. They will drown in slime if we don’t let them out.”

“You give us the treasure, and we will give you the key,” said Gruesome, and he reached in his pocket and pulled out the key and held it aloft. It gleamed tantalizingly in the sunlight.

“But we don’t have any treasure,” said Tat desperately. “We’re not lying, we promise.”

The McNastys sneered. They knew that when anyone said “I promise,” it was a lie because that’s what they did themselves. When they were children, their mother got so tired of tripping over their broken promises that lay in bits all over their family pirate ship that she urged them to take up pottery instead. It had been no greater a success.

“Then tell us which dungeon the treasure is hidden in,” said Captain Gruesome.

Tat looked at the others. They all nodded, but very reluctantly.

“Tell them,” said Hetty.

“No funny business,” said Captain Gruesome with a nasty grin. “Just to be sure you don’t try to trick us, we’ll take him …” He pointed at Bigwig. “… and that horrible cat called Dog and that bedraggled excuse for a parrot with us as hostages. And if we don’t find the treasure when we get there, it will be the worse for them. We will cut off all Polly’s feathers and take Bigwig and the cat up the castle tower and throw them into the moat from a great height.”

“No —” started Hetty, but Bigwig shushed her.

“It’s a deal. You hand over the key and we’ll give you the number of the dungeon where the treasure can be found,” Bigwig said pleasantly, holding out his hand for the pirates to shake, which was a very brave thing to do because even though they had dipped them in the moat, the McNastys’ hands were still as filthy as a junkyard. He turned to the children. “Hetty, Tat. Your job will be to take the key and unlock the dungeon and save my beloved Emerald and Mrs. Slime.”

Tat took a deep breath and said to the McNastys, “You’ll find it in dungeon 433.”

The McNastys grinned nastily. As soon as they heard the number, they knew it was the right one.

“We’ll even help you a bit more,” said Tat with a sly wink at Hetty. “You need to look for a hidden lever, which when pulled will reveal the hidden treasure.”

The McNastys were thrilled. They began herding Bigwig, Dog and Polly toward the castle door, all the time repeating the number out loud so they remembered it.

“Haven’t you forgotten something?” said Hetty. “The deal was that we would tell you where the treasure was and you would hand over the key.”

Captain Gruesome chuckled. “Of course, how silly of me. I completely forgot.” He raised his arm and threw the key. It sailed over the heads of the children and for a second it seemed to hang in the air before it plunged into the middle of the moat and disappeared beneath the surface of the water.

“You should remember pirates never keep their promises,” he said wickedly, and he prodded Bigwig’s bum with his cutlass before they disappeared into the darkness of the castle.

On the way to the dungeons, the Ghastly McNastys made a detour to the room where the tank of sharks was kept. Once there, they pressed the button to release the sharks into the moat.