Chapter Nine

Trying not to wake the babies, Jessie closed the nursery door carefully as she heard the dog’s nails clacking against the hardwood floor. “Barlow, do you need to go out?” she whispered.

Heading downstairs, she slipped on boots, grabbed her coat, and opened the door to brave the elements. A raw wintry blast sent a chill through her. She reached for her scarf and gloves. “C’mon, boy. Let’s go.”

Trudging through the snow in the yard, she waited until Barlow found a fencepost he liked. Inhaling the refreshing cold air deep into her lungs, she then slowly exhaled. What an evening it had been.

“Poor Birdie. Why did I have to ask such a needless question?”

She jerked her head toward a sudden sound of crunching snow to see Chase approaching in the darkness.

“What question?” he asked.

“I didn’t know you were out here,” she said, hesitant to explain. “I didn’t even hear the front door open.”

“Guess not. Or you wouldn’t be talking to yourself, would you?” He jammed bare hands into his jacket pockets. “Haven’t heard you do that much lately.”

“I’m trying to break the habit.” She shrugged in a deliberately hopeless gesture. “My pitiful attempt at self-improvement.”

“Hmm,” he responded. “I kinda miss it.”

He’d noticed? That surprised her. She tucked her scarf in around her neck. “Miss the insight into my soul, eh?”

“Something like that.” He kicked his boot against a clump of snow.

Then Chase stepped closer, and Jessie breathed in the woodsy, masculine scent of his cologne. He smelled so appealing, so familiar, so…so something she couldn’t even articulate. It was all she could do not to reach for him. Thankfully, the dog barked at some distraction in the distance.

Whew. Saved from complete humiliation.

She turned her focus to Barlow, who had finished his business and plodded back to her side. Miserable regret nagged at her. She hated the thought of Birdie’s rekindled sorrow, knowing her question had caused it.

“Chase, why didn’t you tell me?”

He tipped his head. “Tell you what?”

“About Violet.”

Even through the dark of night, she could see his countenance change. He looked a little stunned. Speechless, even.

She folded her arms together, fighting the chill. “I asked Birdie if she had children.”

“Ooh…” He groaned and lifted his hat, raking a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry. I should have warned you.” Then he stared down at the ground, obviously avoiding her gaze.

“I wish you had. I feel terrible about bringing up such a painful memory.”

He rubbed his forehead for a moment. “How did she handle it?”

“It hurt, obviously. She was pretty teary-eyed. I felt so badly for her. But she said it was good to say Violet’s name again. She rarely hears it mentioned anymore.”

Chase gazed out over snow-covered acreage.

She couldn’t help but notice his sudden stillness. This wasn’t just a troubling subject for Birdie. That horrific loss all those years ago seemed to have a tangible, palpable effect on everyone. Still.

She took a quiet breath. “You two were close?”

“Yes,” he admitted in an unsteady voice. “We grew up together around here. Birdie has been working with my family since before I was born, and she homeschooled Violet here in between all the cooking, cleaning, and duties at the lodge.” He cleared his throat harshly. “We spent a lot of time together when we were young.”

Something seemed off. His feelings, too deep, too raw. After all this time? Her heart pounded a bit harder. “So…Violet was a good friend?” she asked hesitantly, not sure she wanted to hear the answer.

“The best.”

Jessie swallowed hard. “And more?”

His gaze met hers. “Violet was my wife.”

She stepped backward, raising a hand to her throat. “You were married?” Her mind raced with questions. When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me? And the question of all questions. Do you still love her?

“I should have told you.”

She raised both hands to her face, still reeling from the news. “But you must have been young. I mean, if she was—”

“We were in our late teens when she was diagnosed.”

“So you were just kids?” She squinted, confused by his words.

He glanced over his shoulder toward the house. “Birdie went home for the night?”

Was he intentionally dodging the question? “She left over an hour ago.”

“We should go in and check on the girls.”

“They’re sleeping. They’re fine,” she replied and waited what seemed like forever. To hear what? That his heart belonged to someone else? Taken long ago, never to be free again? Not that it should matter but…

“Chase?”

He knelt in the snow. To pet Barlow. To avoid her gaze. Maybe both.

“When we found out how sick Violet was, she admitted she was in love with me. She had always loved me. Had hoped for a future with me on the ranch and a passel of kids, as Birdie liked to say.” His mouth turned up in a bittersweet smile. “I don’t know how I missed it. I must have been blind.” He stood and dusted snow from his jeans.

Barlow headed toward the front door as Jessie waited in excruciating silence. Her heart ached beyond reason. Drawing in her lower lip, she held back the dozen questions circling around in her head.

“Then word came she wasn’t going to recover. She’d never have a husband, kids, or a life beyond that illness. It nearly killed Birdie, my mother was a wreck, and Charlotte was devastated. Everyone was suffering, most of all Violet. I didn’t know how to deal with it. The only thing I could do, the only thing I could offer was to give her as much of that dream of hers as possible. So I asked her to marry me.” He hesitated, clearing his throat roughly. “After a private ceremony in the hospital chapel, we were able to have her home here for the last few days.”

“I am so sorry.” She placed a hand tenderly on his arm, knowing it did nothing to relieve the agonizing memories. “I shouldn’t have—”

“It was a long time ago,” he responded in a quiet voice. “I think she had some happy moments. She felt loved. That’s what we all wanted.”

Jessie raised a hand to her breaking heart. “That’s the kindest thing I’ve ever heard.” She blinked back stinging tears.

“No.” He shook his head. “It just felt right.”

She was falling. That’s what felt right. Helplessly, hopelessly. Tumbling down, further and further. In love? Like never before. Never mind she was carrying someone else’s baby. Never mind she’d thought so wrongly about this man for all those years. Her misjudgments of him were incalculable.

She closed her eyes for a moment, inhaling slowly the wonderful scent of his cologne and then breathing out into the frosty night air. Looking away, she tucked strands of hair behind her ears. “Those boots in the closet? Violet’s?”

He nodded. “I’m surprised Birdie was ready to let them go, but it’s a good sign. I’m glad to see her happy again after all she’s lost. She adores the twins. They bring a lot of excitement to this place.” Chase tugged gently on a lock of her hair. “And she’s very fond of you, now she knows you’re a lawyer she can trust.”

“I like her, too. So very much.” Then, in a bolder move than she was used to, she slipped her arm through his and leaned her head against his shoulder. “Were you and Violet the same age?”

“Yes, nineteen when she passed.”

“Wait a minute.” She straightened and pulled away, staring at him in near disbelief. “You were nineteen. That’s about the time I moved away.” An odd sense of relief swept over her as a small detail that had always bothered her suddenly made sense. “I had to spend another year around here working and saving money before I left for college. And I wondered if maybe my brother Jonas had been wrong about you. I let it be known that I wouldn’t mind a second chance…but you never asked.” She paused. “That’s about the time you were getting married?”

He nodded. “Very few people knew. And I couldn’t explain it. Not without betraying Violet.”

“I’ve thought all these years you weren’t interested. Remember the first time you asked me out, and I turned you down? I thought your invitation back then was just a tease, a dare by those friends of yours,” she admitted, feeling the sting of old emotions all over again. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “At least, Jonas said that’s the only reason someone like you would ask out a girl like me.”

“A girl like you? What’s that supposed to mean? Leave it to your brother to think up something despicable,” he practically growled under his breath.

She wagged a finger in the air. “But you were one of the most popular guys in school. And I was a total misfit. Too tall, too skinny, unruly wild red curls.” She pulled on a wispy lock. “Not the typical, multiple blonde cheerleaders you usually had by your side. Why would you want to date me?”

“It was simple,” he replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I liked you.”

Had she heard him correctly? Could it have been that simple?

“But I was the proverbial girl from the wrong side of the tracks.”

“I didn’t see any tracks, Jess.” He searched her eyes. “I just saw you.”

She blinked back the sting of tears. But Jonas made her believe he was a jerk, just playing with her. Her mind reeled; her throat thickened; her heart hurt.

She had to get away, to go inside, somewhere, anywhere before she went right over that cliff. Longing to kiss this man, moments after learning about his late wife, seemed almost reprehensible. And yet, she wanted exactly that—to be in his arms, to feel his mouth on hers. Was that what she’d always wanted?

Even the day she’d left town years ago, heading toward a new life, it hadn’t been without a wistful look back at what might have been. She’d seen Chase that afternoon, coming out of the local farm supply store across the street. He could have called to her, acknowledged her presence. Asked her to give him a chance. She would have stopped and listened. But he hadn’t. And it had taken all these years to discover the reason.

What kind of a person am I? Distrusting a man like this? Jealous of a woman who died?

He cleared his throat again and extended an arm. “C’mon, Jess. Let’s go in before Barlow freezes to that front step.”

She reached instinctively for the hand offered, fitting her fingers through his in the cold night—and wanted never to let go.