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The following day dragged on. Miranda had hoped Spencer would visit in the morning with her father and was frustrated beyond belief when he didn’t.
“Mother,” Miranda said as the proper hour for tea and visitations in the afternoon were concluding. “I was expecting Mr. Spencer. He said he was calling on Father today. Did he come and Father sent him away?” She buried her face in her hands and cried silently while her heart split in two. Ever since she’d woken up that morning, something had not seemed right. Her skin had itched with nerves and her stomach had been upset for no reason she could think of. And her heart had beat faster than usual and still hadn’t resumed its normal pace. Her mind played tricks on her, she witnessed her future, and Spencer appeared nowhere to be found. Had her life ended before it even began?
“My dear.” Her mother hugged her close. “I did not want to bring this up, but his cousin, Lord Geoffrey, was attacked and killed by highwaymen last evening and the family is in mourning. No doubt he will call upon your father when the time for mourning is over.”
“H...how long will that be?” Her heart not only broke for the Spencer family, but for her.
“Hard to say. The widow will mourn for a year as will his brother and grandmother. As for the earl’s cousins. It depends.”
Miranda felt bad for thinking about herself and Spencer’s marriage proposal when his heart must be breaking over the death of his cousin, whom he was so close too.
***
Miranda waited and waited, as patiently as she could, for any word from Spencer. It came one morning when she least expected it and had resigned herself to never seeing him again.
My Dearest, Miranda,
As you well know, my cousin, Lord Geoffrey, is dead and William has inherited the title. I must beg your forgiveness for not writing to you sooner. Especially after how I left things during our last night together. Fear not, I will visit your father, in due time. The Spencer family has retired to the country and William has not taken the news of his brother’s death well. He barricades himself in his study, refusing to allow anyone in, except his valet.
Grandmother is beside herself with worry and walks the halls of the estate at all hours of the night. My mother, per usual, traded her bed in London for a bed here. My younger sisters spend their days in the nursery, so nothing has changed for them and they are too young to truly understand.
Geoffrey’s widow, Katherine, sits outside William’s study door begging for entrance. How did our world become this? Needless to say, my family needs me. When I can assure myself all is well, I will travel back to London, post-haste, and approach your father. Until then, know I think of you.
Yours forever,
Spencer
She sat at her dressing table with parchment, quill, and ink and thought long and hard about the words she would put to paper. Spencer’s letter brought her emotions close to the surface and she was afraid to express them to him. She did not want to convey her hurt for not hearing from him sooner. He did not need that guilt with all he had to deal with. After breathing in and out several times to relax she began.
Dear Mr. Spencer,
My condolences on the death of your cousin. So tragic and sad. I pray William, the new earl, and the late earl’s widow, find comfort being surrounded by family. It says much about you personally, that you have stayed by their side during their time of grief.
I look forward to your visit.
Forever yours,
Miranda
***
Four months had gone by since Spencer’s cousin was killed. Although they had exchanged several more letters, her heart had almost given up on marrying him. She refused to acknowledge the anger seething inside her at being almost ignored by him. Surely he could take time away from his family and visit her and reassure her he still intended to propose.
The Season had long ended, and to her parents’ dismay, no suitors sought out her affections. Miranda couldn’t be happier. She had already decided, if she could not marry Spencer, she would become a spinster.
With a heavy heart, but hiding it well, Miranda attended Beatrice’s wedding to Lord Frances Herman. The newly married couple were on holiday on the Continent, and she missed Beatrice most terribly.
Another fortnight ticked by, slow and steady, before Miranda and her family heard the newest tragedy to befall the Spencer family. Lord Geoffrey’s widow was attacked and drowned in a stream on their country estate in Dover. Rumors had spread that it was the new Lord Bridgeton who committed the act. Lady Katherine was with child and it was surmised he couldn’t risk an heir being born making him lose everything.
Such heartbreak to befall one family. Would the new tragedy keep Spencer from coming to her? Over the past several months she’d had doubts he truly loved her. This time a fortnight went by, then a month without word from him. Not so much as a hastily scrawled letter. When the appropriate year of mourning ended, she expected Spencer to arrive at her very door. A year from the day the earl died. He still didn’t come. Her mother insisted she have another Season as they still needed money and a husband to provide for her. She flatly refused. Her heart died last year, and she didn’t believe it would start up anytime in the foreseeable future.
Each day began like the last. She woke up with a heavy heart, dressed, had her hair styled, put on pretty slippers and joined her parents in the morning room for breakfast. More or less she moved her food around her plate as she had no appetite. And many times she asked herself why she even bothered to get out of bed. Melancholy had her in its grip, and she didn’t know how to escape.
***
The past year, to Spencer’s mind, was like living a nightmare that would never end. Every time he went to bed, he prayed the next day would bring relief. Unfortunately it never did. Would his heart ever be whole again and not pain him at every breath.
A senight after Katherine’s death, their grandmother, accompanied by his mother and sisters traveled back to London, hopefully to quell the theory that William had murdered his own sister-in-law. As of yet, he had not been charged.
However, even Spencer could no longer take seeing the pain and anguish eat William alive. He’d become a shell of a man. He’d gone inside himself and wouldn’t let anyone in. Even him. With a heavy heart, he left Dover for London six months to the day after Geoffrey was killed and went straight to Miranda’s house. He prayed Miranda would forgive his absence and still cared for him as he did her.
To his surprise he was led directly to the viscount’s study instead of the drawing room for tea. Indeed, he needed to speak with Miranda’s father, but he rather hoped to feast his eyes on her first. The entire trip from Dover had his heart thundering and his stomach churning. Why he’d been so nervous, he could not say. He should have been excited to set eyes on Miranda again. But being led by the butler into the viscount’s study had him quaking in his polished Hessians.
“Come in Mr. Spencer,” said Viscount Chambers. “Please, take a seat and tell me what I can do for you today?”
After clearing the lump from his throat, he blurted out the words before the scowl Miranda’s father gave him had him running out of the house. “I have come to ask for your daughter’s hand in...”
“No.”
Spencer could hardly believe what he heard and gagged as his lunch rose up his throat. “Did you say, no, Lord Chambers?”
“Yes and for several reasons. The first and most important one being you broke my daughter’s heart and she wants nothing to do with you. She said if you ever came calling to send you away. I’m sorry. But she has her heart set on someone else. Also, too much scandal is now attached to your family and I can’t expose my daughter to it. She deserves the utmost respect from the ton. Being married to you will no longer provide her with that.”
As Spencer left the Chambers’ residence he hoped for a glimpse of Miranda to satisfy his heart for all time, but it wasn’t to be.
Later that afternoon, not knowing how he’d gotten home to Bridgeton Manor, so numb was he, he found himself sitting in William’s study. A study William no longer needed because he was in self-imposed exile in the country.
Yet he had to thank William, who was kind enough to leave a full decanter of whiskey on the desk. Brandy would not mend this broken heart of his. Nor would whiskey, but it would make him oblivious for a time.
