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“I’m getting married on Saturday,” Spencer said as he walked into the drawing room of his townhouse to find his mother, grandmother, and two sisters, Elizabeth and Mary, all staring with their mouths open over their tea cups.
“Yes. You heard me correctly. I have asked Miranda to be my wife, and we want to be married immediately. The only problem is where to hold the service.”
“St. James Duke’s Place is well known for marriages and is such a lovely church. Have the service there and the wedding breakfast here,” his grandmother said with an elated smile. “I must say it is about time you grew up and married and put down roots.”
Spencer couldn’t come up with a suitable thing to say to his family. He bid them farewell, walked the half-a-mile to his cousin’s townhouse where he found William and Amelia hosting Bella and Myles for tea.
“I have news,” he said breathlessly from his hasty walk. “Miranda and I are getting married this Saturday.”
As with his family, four sets of eyes looked incredulously at him.
“Congratulations.” Bella stood and gave him a hug. “I am so very happy for you. I like her. She has personality and you will not get bored with her.”
“Congratulations,” Amelia said. “This is great news, is it not William?”
“Yes. It is the very best.”
“If you ladies will excuse us gentlemen, I would like a word in private with William and Myles.”
Once the three men were behind closed doors in William’s study, each holding a glass of brandy, Spencer spilled his guts.
“She asked me to marry her because she and her aunt are broke. Well, truthfully, she never asked. She stated that she needed to marry someone wealthy, and I told her I would marry her. Spencer broke out laughing. “I can’t believe my luck? I’m finally going to marry the woman I should’ve married twelve years ago.”
“No wonder she came to town. She planned this. Why the conniving little...”
“Easy cousin that is my betrothed you are insulting. I don’t care if she is using me or not. In time, she will come to love me again. I know it. And if she doesn’t...well...it won’t be the first marriage to go loveless.”
“What is your opinion, Myles?” Spencer asked, wanting an opinion besides his biased cousin’s.
“Me.” Myles downed his glass, and Spencer knew he was trying not to laugh. “I think you are a lucky man. Lady Miranda is beautiful. A little long in the tooth, but not that long.”
“Exactly what I think. Twenty-nine is still young enough to bare children. Why my mother had Mary when she was thirty-two. Clear your calendars for Saturday as you all have a wedding to attend.”
***
The morning of her wedding found Miranda’s entire being vibrating with nerves. And if she was truthful with herself, not just with anxiety, but excitement as well. She would finally marry the man she fell in love with at seventeen. The man who shattered her heart and dreams and propelled her to live as a spinster.
All was forgiven. Her shattered heart and dreams were whole. All that mattered from this day forth was the future. The past would stay in the past. She’d spent years loathing Spencer and loathing herself. No longer.
Her chance at happiness was within reach. Spencer was within her grasp. In one-hour she would be married...to him.
Her hand flew to her stomach as an extended family of butterflies took flight.
“Oh my dear,” Aunt Violet exclaimed as she entered her chamber. “You look positively divine. Claudia outdid herself with your coiffure. And the dress shows off your figure perfectly. Clingy in all the right places. Spencer will be struck mute when he sees you walking down the aisle.”
“Thank you.” She spun around and looked once more in the mirror, her reflection making her feel like a fairy princess on her way to marry her prince.
She descended the stairs on her aunt’s arm, entered the carriage Spencer provided for them, and arrived at the small, intimate church. Bridgeton, looking dashing in formal wear greeted them. “May I escort both you lovely ladies down the aisle? Spencer thought you would enjoy the escort.”
“Thank you.” And she was thankful as she had wondered when they pulled up to the church how she would ever manage walking in her bundle of nerves state. So now, Miranda found herself between Bridgeton and Aunt Violet and walking, oh-so-slowly down the aisle toward Spencer who took her breath away, made her knees wobble and her hands vibrate with the urge to hold him close to her heart.
He looked handsome dressed completely in white. The contrast between his dark hair and light clothing was startling. Never had she seen a gentleman look as handsome as he. Since her eyes were riveted on her husband-to-be the entire time, she was shocked when she reached his side and they faced the vicar together.
As the vicar spoke and she recited her marriage vows in a soft voice, she gleamed at Spencer. It was foolish of her to let him see the love she had for him shining in her eyes, but it couldn’t be helped. Over the course of her entire life, she had struggled to keep her emotions from showing. This, being the happiest day of her life, was not the time to squash her feelings. She did not know if Spencer still loved her, but she would persevere regardless. She would love him enough for both of them.
When they were pronounced man and wife, her eyes widened at the lovely emerald and diamond ring gracing her left-hand ring finger, and then her knees almost gave way at what it implied. Finally, she married the love of her life and would experience the marriage bed. She would not acknowledge the little bit of unease suddenly spreading through her body.
The wedding breakfast seemed to go at a snail’s pace. The dining room, where it was held, was huge and the servants hustled about. She, nor any of their guests, wanted for anything. It was a pleasure to finally be meet Spencer’s sisters. Mary was the epitome of a young, blonde, blue eyed debutante—quiet and painfully shy. Elizabeth’s blue eyes sparkled with mischief, much as Spencer’s did on occasion and possessed his dark hair. Way back when, Spencer’s sparked with mischief always. Now, he held his emotions back, only on occasion, giving her a glimpse into the Spencer of old. Today she prayed things would change. That he would become the carefree man she first fell in love with. Because she wanted nothing to be between them. She’d told him the truth of why she needed to marry, now she could work to proving to him it was love that brought her back. Love more than money. And she hoped that love would sustain them for the rest of their lives.
She remembered meeting Spencer’s grandmother many years ago, but not his mother. Spencer explained that she always suffered from one ailment or another. Although never anything serious. Thankfully, she felt healthy enough to attend today, although she paid little attention to anyone. Grandmother, on the other hand, beamed with pride and happiness.
So now she sat at this enormous table with Spencer’s closest friends and family. Oddly enough, she felt strangely at ease. Although a bit nervous at the thought of sharing the house with so many members of his family. Hopefully their rooms were far apart giving them some privacy. Aunt Violet would also be staying with them for a spell. Miranda wanted her nearby if she needed someone to talk to about the past.
Finally, all their guests departed, after eating, drinking, and wishing them well. The remainder of Spencer’s family and her aunt made themselves scarce, no doubt retiring to their rooms after such a long and exciting day. So now she found herself being escorted to the wing of the house that occupied their rooms, and she was elated they would finally get their privacy. At least she believed so.
“Your home is lovely. I believe I can be comfortable here. Your family was most kind and gracious to me considering how shocked they must be at our sudden nuptials.”
“Yes, well.” He cleared his throat as he opened a large wooden door leading to beautiful rooms. “They were shocked. But do not fret. I didn’t tell them the truth in the matter. And they don’t need to know about it. I have purchased the home you and your aunt were renting for her and set her up with an allowance. No one needs to know of your dire situation or the reason for our marriage. It is between the three of us. Although, I may have told Myles and William, but they don’t count. They would never break my confidence without my permission.”
“You told...” She honestly felt a little sick at what they must be thinking of her.
“I know that look, but please, they don’t think badly of you.”
“Badly of...”
“Forgive me. My words are not coming out as intended.” He gestured to the room with his hand. “How do you like your accommodations? These rooms once belonged to my father and mother. No one has inhabited them since my father’s death. Everything has been cleaned and prepared for our use. There is a dressing room and behind the screen a tub and wash basin. My rooms are through this door.”
He opened the door connecting the rooms and turned toward her. “If there is anything else you need, please do not hesitate to ask Mrs. Noble, the housekeeper. She has been with us forever. If it pleases you, I will send your maid right up.”
“Yes, thank you.”
Spencer bowed, took her hand in his and brought it to his lips. His lips brushed against the inside of her wrist between the glove and her dress sleeve causing her to shiver and goose bumps to cover her skin.
“I have several things to oversee. I will come back when I’m finished.”
Shocked. She was shocked. He left her on their wedding day to oversee things. What things could be more important than them? What an exasperating man. And she married him? She had to be out of her mind to think that once they were married they would live happily-ever-after like the fairy tales her mother used to read to her as a young child.
She huffed and sat down on the edge of the four poster bed, acknowledging the beauty of the room. Cream and light green made for a soothing and romantic atmosphere. Obviously, her new husband didn’t think so. How could he not look at the inviting bed, with dozens of pillows and the thick coverlet, and not want to take her to bed. “It’s my wedding day,” she whispered out loud. “Does he not desire me?”
What man leaves his bride moments after the wedding celebration ends to take care of things? Hers. Perhaps she just made the most horrible mistake ever in marrying someone she thought she knew? Had he changed so very much that he had no feelings for her whatsoever? Didn’t care that she sat here, pain radiating from her heart, making it hard to breathe?
A soft knock on the door turned out to be a good distraction as Claudia entered, followed by several footman carrying her trunks. She and her maid spent the better part of an hour unpacking all her belongings.
“If there is nothing else you need from me, I will go and see to your bath. Mr. Spencer informed the cook that the two of you would be dining in your rooms.” She curtsied and left.
How did she feel about dining in private? Uncertain. At least if they dined with his family and her aunt there would be conversation going on around the table. Here, alone with Spencer, the only conversation would come from either of them.
She so fervently wished the years would roll back to when they were comfortable with each other. Most definitely Spencer had made her nervous then, but she never felt at a loss for words or what to say in his company. Now, no matter what she intended to say, something else came out entirely. Usually something rude or mean.
Could she manage to hold her tongue to sugar and sweetness during dinner? She would even if it killed her. Spencer was kind enough to marry her, the least she could do was act civil in his company. Obviously, it was time for her to lock back up her love for him and treat him with polite disregard as he’d done to her.
Civil...polite...disregard? Oh, how she wished for more. So much more. Love. What a fool she was to want love. She wanted to see him look at her like the duke looked at his duchess. As Bridgeton looked at Amelia and Northborough at Bella. Was that too much to ask?
Perhaps. Perhaps not. Only time would tell.
Not long after her maid exited did several under-footmen come carrying buckets of hot water for her bath. And when she sank into the steaming hot, jasmine scented water, she sighed with relief. He remembered her favorite scent, that had to mean something, did it not? Or was it pure coincidence?
After bathing, Claudia helped her dress in a lovely, cream linen night rail and dressing gown trimmed with gold ribbon that must be courtesy of her husband as she didn’t own such fine bed clothes. He expected her to dine in her night clothes? Perhaps that was what married people did when they dined in their private chambers.
She waited patiently on the chaise in front of the blazing hearth. The warmth coming off the logs had her heart slowing, her eyes drifting closed, and she sank into a light sleep only to be awoken by a caress from a large, warm hand trailing down her cheek.
“Wake up, my dear. Our dinner has arrived.”
“Oh.” She blinked and found her eyes taking in her husband dressed in a navy dressing robe. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep. Have you been here long?”
He smiled and held out his hand to offer his assistance in helping her rise. “Only for a moment. Although, I have to admit, I felt guilty waking you. You appeared so peaceful in sleep. And so very beautiful.”
Hearing him call her beautiful had her heart singing with hope.
He seated her at a small table the servants must have brought in with the food while she slept more soundly than she believed. When she inhaled the delicious scents, she nearly drooled, causing her stomach to growl. It was then she realized she’d not eaten a thing since their wedding breakfast celebration and was famished.
“May I serve you?” he queried.
“Please.”
Miranda watched as Spencer put a small sample from each dish on her plate along with a piece of bread spread with cream. Not knowing where to begin, as everything looked delicious, she stabbed her fork into a small white roasted potato and asparagus coated with cream. “I can’t believe cook outdid herself after this morning’s fare, but she did.”
“I agree.” He held up a crystal decanter of red wine. “Would you care for some?”
“Please.”
All this formality was beginning to cause a strain in her spine. Sitting so rigidly went against her body’s natural posture, and she willed herself to relax.
Once he filled his plate, he sat down and began eating in silence. Every now and then he would glance at her. But other than that he spoke not a word. Didn’t he know how difficult this was for her? Not knowing whether he had pretended he wanted to marry her. Was he here because he wanted to be or because he was doing her a favor?
Why had she not thought this through? Never had she imagined this awkwardness between them.
The servants came and cleared the table and chairs and she sat on the chaise while Spencer took a seat on a cream covered chair.
“That was delicious. I’m full to near bursting.”
“It was good,” Miranda agreed.
“When you feel up to the task, you can take over for my grandmother in overseeing the menus and other household duties the lady of the house takes care of. I haven’t a clue what that entails.”
“Thank you. Will your grandmother mind?”
“She will be thrilled. Perhaps she and my mother will retire to the country. Although I don’t see that happening until Liz and Mary are wed. Meanwhile, more importantly, will you be comfortable with so many family members around?”
“Yes. Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”
His eyes widened. “Because of our arrangement?”
“Arrangement?”
“Yes. How long do you think we can convince them we are a normal married couple before they realize we sleep in separate beds?”
“Oh,” was all she could manage to say. Her throat clogged from the lump forming there. Did he mean not to sleep with her? Not take his husbandly rights?
“But I told you I would give you an heir.”
“Yes. I remember word for word what you said. But understand this.” He narrowed his gaze on her, making her squirm. “I will not bed you until you ask me. I will not make you be obligated to me. Besides, perhaps I’ve changed my mind about children. They can be a nuisance, you know.”
He stood, stretched, and turned toward her. “Goodnight my dear. I hope you sleep well.”
After he left, her heart sank heavy inside her chest as she climbed beneath the coverlet and dwelled on what a mess her life had become. Had she misread him completely? Had she let her dreams of a fairy-tale wedding and marriage cloud her to his real idea of what their marriage would be? It took nearly an hour for her mind to settle down enough to drift into restless sleep.
***
After they dined, it took every ounce of restraint Spencer possessed to walk away from Miranda. When he’d first entered her chamber and found her asleep on her chaise, his heart expanded inside his chest. And that wasn’t the only thing that grew in size.
He’d wanted to join her and make sweet love to her right there with the fire roaring in the fireplace. Strip her down so he could finally see what she looked like naked instead of relying on his imagination and dreams.
But that wouldn’t be fair to her. She needed to eat. Was probably as famished as he was. Many hours had passed since the wedding breakfast. Which brought his mind back to when he first glimpsed her walking down the aisle toward him on William and Aunt Violet’s arms. His heart had pounded like a drum inside his chest, causing his blood to pump through his ears so fast he’d gone deaf. The light blue dress she wore flowed down her body, accentuating all her womanly attributes, causing his mouth to go dry knowing she was finally his for the taking. Except was she? He wanted her to be completely and irrevocably in love with him before he bedded her. He craved her love. He didn’t think he would survive without it. So he did the most gentlemanly thing he could do—left her untouched on their wedding night. He would wait until she loved him in return before he would bare his soul to her. It was the only way he could protect himself from her. Because if he made love to her tonight, he would be unable to hold back his feelings for her and he was afraid. There. He let his mind think it. He, Stuart Spencer, was afraid of Miranda Carlton. Petrified of the intensity of his feelings for her.
When he skimmed the palm of his hand down her soft cheek while she dosed, he’d swallowed a groan. Oh, many times over the years, he’d dreamed of being with her like this. Only to awaken sweaty and tangled in his sheets and so very alone.
He still had a difficult time comprehending his good fortune. Thank God he hadn’t listened to his grandmother and mother and settled by marrying someone else. His body shivered at the horror.
He would forever be grateful for another chance with her. And this time he would not muddle it up. Not that he did before. Someday soon they would have to address the past. But not tonight.
Dinner had been a quiet affair. He was uncomfortably aware of her nerves. Did she think he would tear her clothes off and fall onto her the moment the food vanished?
How he wished he had inside knowledge of what was going on in her pretty head. He wanted to ease her mind that he wasn’t a barbarian and he would give her time to adjust to being married to him. Taking a woman without her wanting him, no matter what the law said he could do, was not in his nature.
The first time they came together as husband and wife Spencer demanded they both desire it more than anything. It went without saying that he wanted it more than life itself. In Miranda’s case, he didn’t believe so. At least not yet. But he would woo her until she did.
She was, after all, a twenty-nine-year-old innocent. His insides churned and he frowned. At least he thought she was innocent. And if she wasn’t? It didn’t matter. Innocent was not something he’d been since the tender age of fifteen. But of course, society dictated that men could have sexual relations before marriage. Not the same for women. At this moment in time, all that mattered to him was getting Miranda to fall in love with him so he could show her how much he loved her in return.
How he’d never stopped.
How a day never went by without his mind drifting to her.
How his body had ached for her year after year after year to no avail.
When he’d met Bella, he’d allowed himself to dream of a life with her. Even had convinced himself he was in love with her. Loved her—yes. In love—no. It took twelve years of maturity to realize he would be in love with no other but Miranda. So he had resigned himself into knowing, if and when he married, love would be vacant.
Little did he know Miranda would step—no—crash into his life and offer herself up on the altar of marriage.
When he’d left her this evening, on her chaise, looking like an angel and a courtesan at the same time, it killed him.
Would she have allowed him to make love to her? The point was moot. She would have to make the first move. He refused to take advantage of her. But how the bloody hell did he manage to live under the same roof as the woman of his dreams and not show her how much he desired and loved her?
Sheer force of will. She must make the first move. She needed to want him. He would not take advantage of the trust she had in him.
Trust he didn’t take lightly.
Sleep eluded him that evening as he tossed and turned wondering what Miranda was doing. Was she sleeping? Dreaming of him? Congratulating herself on not having to have marital relations with him?
Finally, as the sun snuck through the crack in the drapes, he drifted off from complete exhaustion.
