If Colby didn’t think about Gigi or her dad, she could almost pretend that nothing was wrong. She had a home and people who loved her and a little baby who was her entire world. She was content. Maybe for the first time in her life. Or since her mom died, anyway. Sometimes Colby fantasized that her life was a lot like this before her mom died. Peaceful and busy. Filled with life and people and joy.
Colby was thinking about this one morning when there was a knock at the door.
It was her social worker, Mr. Horvath.
“Hey.” And even though she’d dodged him since Luna’s birth, she opened the door wide. She had nothing to hide. “Come on in.”
Mr. Horvath hesitated, one hand on the doorjamb. “Not the reaction I expected from the girl who disappeared.”
“Sorry.”
He shook his head. “Why’d you give me a fake address?”
“Well, you found me now.”
“I had to track you down through Jordan’s mom. Not impressed by your disappearing act, Colby.”
“In the flesh, standing in front of you. Asking you in.” Colby stepped back, bowing slightly. “Come in. Please.”
“This is where you’re living?”
“Yes.”
“Your name is on the lease?”
“Yes.”
Mr. Horvath was still frowning. Colby started to get nervous. He had the power to take Luna. What if he didn’t believe that everything was as awesome as it seemed?
“You were doing so well there for a while, Colby.” Mr. Horvath shook his head.
“I’m still doing great.” Colby’s voice rose. “Me and Luna are doing great.”
“The urine tests and parenting classes and twelve-step meetings are not optional, Colby.”
“Look, test my piss, if you want. I’m clean.” It came out angrier than Colby intended, but she was really scared now. “I’m sorry, Mr. Horvath. I just…I just, I don’t know. I just hate that shit. I don’t want to be the ex-junkie mama. I just want to be a regular mama, you know?”
“But you’re not. You are an ex-junkie.”
“I know, but—”
“But nothing, Colby.” Mr. Horvath put a hand on her shoulder. “Most teen mothers in your situation don’t leave the hospital with their babies. And the stunt you pulled, leaving early?” He shook his head. “The nurse wanted me to apprehend Luna immediately. I assured her that you’d been clean for a long time. I hope I was right.”
“I was clean. I am clean. I’ve been clean since Meadow Farm.”
“Which is why you have your daughter with you now. And you were doing really well, coming in regularly. Going to meetings.”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Horvath.” Colby heard a catch in her voice. “With the move, I just…I’m not sure. I’m sorry.”
“Well. Apology accepted.” He stepped into the apartment, his eyes doing a fast sweep before Colby could hide anything. “Who else lives here?”
“My baby’s father, Milo. And Jordan. They both bat for your team.” Colby tried a smile.
Mr. Horvath stared at her. “And how is that relevant?”
But then a different look came across his face. He looked confused. “Wait a minute. Milo’s the baby’s father? Isn’t he—”
“Gay.”
“How—” Mr. Horvath caught himself. “No. None of my business. Rude to ask. Sorry.”
“I was hoping that he’d jump the fence.”
As if he’d heard them talking, Milo opened his bedroom door and stumbled out.
“Who’s he?” Milo yawned.
“My social worker.”
“And what do you want?” Milo crossed his arms, suddenly defensive. “We’ve got everything Luna needs. Even two parents. Hell, three, if you want to count Jordan, who is about as good with babies as someone can be. How many of your teenage moms can say that the dad is in the picture, huh? How many? And you know what? None of us are using drugs. We even smoke outside. Look around! You won’t even find an ashtray. So? What are you doing here?”
Mr. Horvath held out his hand, “And you’re the—”
“Gay baby daddy.” They shook hands.
“Mr. Horvath. Nice to meet you.
“So, you’re the fantastic Mr. Fox.” Milo grinned. “Let me give you a tour of our very baby-friendly little abode. I think you’ll like Colby and Luna’s room the best.”
Colby trailed behind them as Milo upsold the apartment as if it were something out of an interior-decorating magazine. And while Milo had done a nice job of kicking some life and color into the few drab pieces of furniture they’d got from Gram’s, it was still just a dingy East Vancouver rental.
Then he opened the door to Colby and Luna’s room.
Jordan and Milo had gone all out for this room. One end had a little sitting area, with a comfy chair for nursing and a little area rug and a big, glowing orb of a hanging lamp with fairy lights strung from it as if it were the full moon in the night sky, keeping watch.
Milo had covered the old chair with soft purple fabric. He’d found material for curtains with the same purple in it and tiny silver stars. It was Colby’s favorite place in the apartment, followed shortly by Luna’s corner of the room.
“Foxes,” Mr. Horvath said quietly.
“There’s yours.” The little plastic fox sat on the windowsill above the crib, keeping watch. “The first one.” Colby pointed to two stuffed foxes perched on the change table. “See? No stuffies in the crib. We read about that. And no crib bumpers either. Not safe.”
Milo had photocopied images of foxes from children’s books and framed them in mismatched thrift-store frames that he’d painted pale purple.
“You still need to do random urine tests, Colby. And the parenting classes. And the meetings.” He picked up the fox that Colby had stolen from him so long ago. “And we need to talk. Make a plan for you and Luna. Everything seems perfect here. It does. But I know that perfect is pretty hard to maintain, especially as an ex-junkie.”
“I’m not an ex-junkie.” Colby felt a tightening in her chest. “I’m a recovering addict.”
“You going to NA meetings?”
“No.”
“Then you’re still an ex-junkie.”
“I went to rehab!” Colby nearly shouted. “I told you, I’m clean. It’s not fair to keep calling me a junkie.”
The door to the pantry creaked open and Jordan popped her head out.
“Everything okay?”
“No. My social worker thinks I’m still a junkie.”
“Ex-junkie,” Mr. Horvath said. “You can’t do it by yourself, Colby. And it’s part of your parental agreement, if you remember the papers you signed when you got back from rehab, when you decided to keep your baby? Urine tests. Twelve-step meetings. The Nobody’s Perfect Parenting Program that you haven’t signed up for.”
“I know. I just couldn’t do it.”
“Not an option,” Mr. Horvath said. “It’s a condition of you having custody of your child.”
“What?” Milo turned to Colby. “You were supposed to be doing stuff? I didn’t know.” He spoke to Mr. Horvath now. “If I had, I would’ve made sure she did all that. I’m sorry, Mr. Fox. We’ll get on it. Immediately.”
“Mr. Fox? I’ll admit, that’s cute.” Mr. Horvath set the fox back where he’d found it, which helped ease the panic in Colby’s throat. “And I appreciate your sentiment, Milo. I do. But Colby is the one who has to do the things expected of her. You can do the parenting program too. And the twelve-step meetings. That’d be awesome—”
“I will. Totally will.”
“—but I need Colby to do it too. Willingly.”
Luna yawned in Colby’s arms, stretching her tiny fists into the air.
Colby smiled down at her. She put her finger to Luna’s cheek. “I meant to. I guess I’ve just been—”
“Super busy,” Milo cut in. “There’s a lot to looking after a new baby.”
“Yeah,” Colby said. “And I’m in love. Totally and completely in love. With Luna Grace. At first it was just full-on baby, you know? And then, once we moved out of Gram’s place, it felt like a new start. And I didn’t want to bring any of the old stuff along. I can’t even imagine going to some stupid twelve-step meeting. It’s like it’d make everything dirty. When it’s so nice and clean, you know?”
“Well, see that you do get out the door to stupid twelve-step meetings. And the parenting classes. And for the pee tests.” Mr. Horvath made for the front door. “You’re not the first recovering-addict/ex-junkie teenage mom I’ve had dealings with.” His tone softened as he continued. “But I will say that I have a lot of hope for you, Colby. You have a really good thing going here.”