Berry’s stomach fluttered as she arrived at the pub on Friday night to meet Jodie for dinner. It was crazy to be worried, Berry told herself as she walked into the lounge. Jodie had been her best friend when they were kids; there was nothing to be nervous about.
She scanned the room hoping to recognise Jodie from the couple of photos that Lynette had shown her. She needn’t have worried. From across the room came a shriek followed by, ‘Berry! Berry, over here!’
A slight figure with nut-brown hair was jumping up and down while waving madly, evidently not caring that every eye in the place was focused on her. Berry grinned. Some things never changed.
She hurried over only to be caught in a vice-like hug.
‘Look at you! It’s so good to see you,’ Jodie said.
‘I’ve missed you so much,’ Berry replied, embracing her old friend.
‘Come sit down and tell me everything.’ Jodie gestured to the nearest chair. ‘It’s been too long. What are you up to?’
Berry sat down and smiled at her friend. There wasn’t any of that dreaded awkwardness she’d been half-expecting. She should have known better—Jodie was just Jodie.
‘I’m fixing up the old house,’ she said.
Jodie nodded. ‘Yeah, Mum told me. Are you going to move back?’
Berry shrugged. ‘I’m not sure—probably not.’
Jodie frowned. ‘That’s not like the Berry I remember. You were always so decisive.’
Berry laughed. ‘Oh, I don’t think so.’
‘Yeah, it was always you leading us into trouble,’ Jodie said with a widening grin.
‘Hah, yeah—I think you’ve got that backwards. You’d rush in and I’d stupidly follow.’
Jodie pretended to think for a second before she continued. ‘Hmm, how about when we snuck into the Stringy Bark Orchard and stole apples? That was your idea,’ Jodie said, and before Berry could deny it, she kept going. ‘Oh hang on, how about when old Mrs Taft told us off and in retaliation you hijacked her beloved garden gnomes and put them in the front yard of the school. And then there was the time …’
Berry held up her hands in a sign of surrender and laughed. ‘Okay, you win. That’s enough.’
‘Just refreshing your memory,’ Jodie said. ‘So, how’s the renovation going? Is it weird being back in Harlington?’
Berry paused for a moment. ‘I guess it is. I told myself that coming back wouldn’t worry me. I mean, I was only ten when we left, but I didn’t expect to feel the way I do.’
‘And how’s that?’
Berry shrugged. ‘It’s hard to put into words. Things feel so familiar. I’ve been hit with a whole lot of memories that I’d forgotten.’
‘Memories?’
‘Nothing very earth-shattering or unpleasant, just stuff I’d forgotten,’ Berry said. ‘You know, like us not being able to swim in the dam unless Mum was there to keep an eye on us. Or just how much I liked playing in the orchard—I used to pretend it was some sort of magical forest.’
‘It’s good to remember, especially the nice memories. Even though it was cut short, we had a lot of fun when we were kids,’ Jodie said with a smile.
‘Yeah, we did. So, how’s uni going? Your mum said you’re doing Teaching?’
‘Yeah. It’s been a bit full on but I love it. I’m really glad I decided to go after all. I took a few years off after school. The problem was that I just couldn’t figure out what I wanted to be. I worked at one of the supermarkets in Castlemaine and then spent half of last year just doing a bit of travel. I spent a month up in the snowy mountains, and then decided it was way too cold and followed the sun up to Byron Bay and finally all the way to Airlie Beach in Queensland.’
‘Sounds wonderful,’ Berry said with a smile.
‘It was. Anyway, I sat on the beach, stared out to sea and tried to work out what the hell I was going to do with my life.’
‘Well, I guess it worked.’
Jodie grinned. ‘It’s the only way to tackle a problem—go to the beach. Maybe that’s what you need to do. It’s all the sea air and tranquillity, you know. It clears your head.’
‘Sounds like more fun than being in the middle of a reno.’
‘I rest my case. So, other than fixing up the old place what are you up to?’
Berry dragged in a breath before blowing it out in a sigh. ‘I don’t know. That’s the problem. I think I jumped at doing this because I haven’t really got any idea about what I want to do with my life. I thought I had a plan but ever since I found out what actually happened to my parents … it’s weird, I feel a bit lost or something, I can’t really explain it …’ She finished with a shrug.
Jodie looked at her. ‘That doesn’t sound weird at all. I didn’t realise that you didn’t know what happened.’
‘My uncle and grandparents apparently thought it was best not to say anything. All I was told was that there had been an accident, a tragedy, and both my parents and my grandparents had died.’
‘When did you find out?’
‘Not until a couple of years ago. My uncle rarely talks about my mum—he gets too sad—but I was asking a lot of questions and basically badgered him into talking about Mum. It’s one of my greatest fears that one day I’ll wake up and will have forgotten what she looked like and her smile. I try really hard to hang onto her voice, but I can only recall it now when I’m halfway between dozing off and asleep.’
‘I’m so sorry, Berry. That must be hard … for Jess too,’ Jodie said. ‘She must remember even less than you.’
Berry nodded. ‘There’s only so much that we can share, and Tom doesn’t remember anything before the move to Melbourne. We’ve asked our grandparents, as well as our uncle, but they always seem unwilling to talk about Mum or what our life was like in Harlington. It upsets them too much.’
‘It must be hard on them too.’
Berry nodded. ‘Yeah, I get that, I do. My grandparents lost their only daughter and my uncle his sister. But we lost our mum, and I hate the way everyone wants to pretend she never existed. Finally, though, my uncle sat all three of us down and told us the truth.’
‘Geez.’
‘Yeah, I don’t know what I thought I’d hear, but it definitely wasn’t that Dad was responsible for all of it.’
Jodie reached over and patted Berry’s hand. ‘The whole town was rocked by the news. No one could believe it. Your dad was a well-liked person, and this landed like a bomb on the community. I can’t begin to imagine what it must have felt like for you.’
‘Well, it certainly had us reeling. Tom doesn’t remember anything, which is probably a blessing. Jess has some memories but she was only eight. Whether you remember or not, though, it’s heavy information to carry around with you. Uncle Dave said he didn’t want to burden us with the truth, but then he realised we had the right to know. He still grieves for my mum. And he spent so many years being angry at my father for what he’d done, he thought it was best to say nothing or else he’d end up colouring what memories we had of our dad.’
‘That’s a valid point,’ Jodie said. ‘I don’t know what I would have done in the circumstances. I mean, the father you remember and idolise is suddenly turned into a monster; that’s a lot to deal with.’
Berry let out a sigh. ‘The problem is, Jodie, I don’t think I’ve still really come to terms with it. I know I should hate my father for what he did, what he took away from us, but something inside me can’t. It’s stupid, isn’t? I mean, he shattered our lives and yet that’s not the man I remember.’