Thirty-Three

The silence was agonizing. Each breath I managed to take ached, burning my lungs as I struggled to process the truth. Nothing, not years of enduring my father’s abuse, not even the vague knowledge that I might be bound to Elijah Hawkins forever, compared to the soul-crushing pain I was feeling.

I tried to stand but dizziness took over, the floor pitching and rocking beneath me. I didn’t reach out to Joseph or Mike to steady myself. With my world crashing down around me, I honestly didn’t care if I fell. I didn’t care if I died. In fact, death would’ve been welcomed.

“This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening,” I said over and over, my own voice sounding hollow and foreign.

Joseph dropped to the floor next to me. His hand shook as it ran over my back, and I shrugged him off. I didn’t want to be touched or moved. I needed to stay right where I was, my hands locked around my knees as I stared into Luke’s dead eyes. If I let go, if I moved even an inch, then I’d lose every part of me.

No, I needed to stay like this, physically—literally—holding myself together.

Mike started crying again, his broken sobs filling the room with a horrible, empty sound. I shuddered and huddled farther into myself as I watched him through the sheen of my own tears, totally unable to say or do anything to make it better.

“We need to go,” Joseph said.

Mike lifted Luke from his lap and eased him against the wall. Even in the dark, I could see the pain in Mike’s eyes, his despair taking hold. He ran the back of his sleeve across his face before bending down and whispering to his brother, “He’ll pay for this. If it’s the last thing I ever do, I’ll make sure he pays.”

“You ready to go?” Joseph asked.

“Go? Go where? Luke is dead!”

“I know, Dee, and I’m sorry. I truly am. I never expected my father to … ” Joseph trailed off as he quickly looked at his watch. “It’s been nearly an hour since my father left us in that room. We have to go. Now.”

“I’m not going anywhere. Not without Luke,” I said.

Joseph let out a frustrated sigh and turned to Mike. They could team up on me for all I cared. Dead or not, I wasn’t leaving Luke here alone.

“Listen, Dee,” Mike said, pausing to clear the tears from his throat. “Joseph is right. We gotta go.”

“No.” It was one word, but it held more conviction than anything I’d ever said.

Mike closed the short distance between us and put his hands on either side of my face. Streams of tears ran down his face, and his hands trembled against my cheeks as he took in another ragged breath. Somehow I’d forgotten that Luke wasn’t only my rock; he was Mike’s too.

“We can’t do anything for Luke,” Mike said. “But I can save you. He made me swear to get you out of here. I promised him that if I got the chance, I’d forget about saving him and go find you.”

I didn’t care about Mike’s stupid promise; I wasn’t leaving Luke. “No. I won’t go.”

I looked around the dank room, pausing on the details I hadn’t noticed when we came in. The piles of vomit. The heap of blood-soaked rags lying in the corner. One of Luke’s sneakers, stained red in the shadows. This was how Luke had died—alone and in the basement of a narcissist with nothing but darkness and squalor to keep him company. He didn’t deserve this. Nobody deserved this.

I’d thought I was helping him. I’d believed that submitting to Elijah’s insanity would protect Luke. What an absolute idiot I’d been.

“You have no idea what that man will do to him,” I said. Elijah would probably find some twisted way to offer Luke’s body up as a sacrifice to God … to himself. “We can’t leave him here, Mike. We can’t.”

The second Mike looked down at Luke, I knew he’d sided with me. “Fine. We’ll take him with us. We’ll bring him home.”

“We won’t get half a mile outside of town carrying him,” Joseph argued.

“Half a mile? You won’t get five feet up those steps without him,” Mike replied, his hand sweeping out in my direction. “Trust me. I know Dee better than you ever will, and she’s not leaving without him. And I’m not leaving without her.” He sidestepped around Joseph and held his hand out for me to take. “I’ll carry him home, Dee.”

I took Mike’s hand. The heat of tears warmed my face again and Mike buried me in his chest, hugging me so tight I could feel his heart beating against my cheek. His shoulders shook as the strength he’d tried so hard to gather cracked and fell away.

A shuffling sound from behind me caught my attention, and I glanced up and realized Luke was gone. Joseph had him slung over his shoulder and was making his way toward the stairs.

Mike followed my gaze, his whole body vibrating with anger. “Take your hands off him,” Mike said as he tore Luke from Joseph’s arms. “I don’t need your help carrying him.”

“I never would’ve brought Dee here, any of you here, if I’d known this would happen,” Joseph said.

Tears still rimmed Mike’s eyes and I looked away, desperate to allow him that tiny shred of dignity as he gently settled his only brother over his shoulder. He was taking Luke home; we both needed to take Luke home.