HANNAH SAT ACROSS FROM STEPHEN AT HER PARENTS’ table the following morning. He studied her discreetly. Hannah’s royal-blue dress looked to be her best frock. Stephen admired how her brown eyes shone in the glow of the propane lamp.
Hannah scraped fried potatoes onto her plate. “You need to come by and see the bed-and-breakfast, Daed. Stephen has been working hard fixing it up.”
“I haven’t done much, Hannah.” Stephen shook his head at the compliment.
Hannah listed off all the jobs Stephen had completed. When the elderly man smiled and nodded at Stephen, he felt warm with a sense of accomplishment. Might God have led him to this family for a purpose? If that was true, then perhaps Stephen had a reason for being despite the tragedy of Lillian’s death.
“Ach,” Rachel said. “Look at the time. We better go or we’ll be late.”
“I’ll hitch up the horse.” Stephen took his dirty dish and utensils to the counter and headed outside.
He had the horse and buggy ready by the time Hannah and her parents exited the house. Saul stumbled, nearly falling down the steps, and Stephen rushed over and took the man’s arm. “Let me help.”
“I can handle it.” Rachel nudged Stephen out of the way. “He’s used to leaning on me.”
Stephen made for the buggy and held his hand out as Hannah approached. “May I help you up?”
Hannah took his hand. “Danki, Stephen.”
Heat sizzled through Stephen’s veins as he lifted her. It occurred to him that he was happiest when he was helping others—particularly helping Hannah and her family. He’d have to spend more time thinking about that later.
Hannah settled onto the rear bench.
“Stephen,” Rachel snapped from the other side of the buggy, “would you please help Saul get in?”
“Of course.” Stephen hurried around to the other side and assisted Rachel into the rear bench seat next to Hannah, then lifted Saul into the front.
Hannah and her mamm discussed recipes during the ride to the Bontrager farm. Stephen watched Saul stare out at the passing scenery, his expression blank.
Stephen leaned over to him and lowered his voice. “Is this what they always discuss on the way to church?”
Saul chuckled. “Ya.” His mouth slanted to the left, distorting some of his words. “Food or gossip.”
Stephen laughed.
Hannah bent forward. “What are you two scheming up there?”
“It’s guy talk.” Stephen raised his eyebrows and smiled. “We can’t tell you.”
She wagged a finger at him. “No fair.”
“Ya,” Saul said slowly, struggling for each word. “It is.”
Stephen laughed again.
“That’s the farm up ahead. You can see the buggies there.” Hannah leaned over the seat and pointed toward a rock driveway.
Stephen breathed in her perfume-scented soap and enjoyed the warm aroma of lilac again. It must be her favorite.
He got behind a line of buggies rolling toward a large white barn. As he guided the horse toward the farm, he considered what this church service meant to him. Going to church was a step toward being a member of the community. It was similar to making a commitment to a new life. Stephen wasn’t ready to make a commitment, but he was ready to explore this new community. Hannah’s community.
Hannah leaned closer to him. “Are you ready to meet the rest of the district?”
“Ya.” Stephen nodded as the buggy wheels hit the rock driveway. “I am.”
Hannah took Stephen’s warm hand and climbed out of the buggy. “Danki. I want to introduce you to mei freinden.”
“I’d like that.”
Jason trotted over. “Wie geht’s!”
“Jason, you remember Stephen Esh?”
“Ya, gut to see you again.” Jason gave Stephen a quick nod and then studied Hannah. “How are things at the inn?”
“It’s been busy.” She began telling Jason about the guests who had come to stay recently.
Stephen interrupted them. “I’m going to help your daed get settled for service.”
Hannah watched him walk to the other side of the buggy, touched that he took such care with her father.
Jason gestured toward the Bontragers’ house. “Would you like to head inside?”
“Oh.” Hannah looked back to where Stephen was helping her daed out of the buggy. “I was going to wait for Stephen.”
“He’ll catch up.” Jason started telling her about his parents’ store and how much business had picked up.
Hannah turned back toward her parents’ buggy and found Stephen watching her, his expression unreadable.
“Stephen!” Andrew waved as he exited the barn.
“Hi, Andrew. Wie geht’s?”
“I’m doing well. How are you?”
“Fine, fine.” Stephen’s eyes searched the sea of people and found Hannah and Jason standing together on the porch. He couldn’t deny they’d make a fine couple. They were certainly better matched than he and Hannah were. Jason didn’t likely have a past that haunted him.
“How was the ride over?” Andrew’s question broke through Stephen’s thoughts.
“Gut. Your daed was funny in the buggy.”
Andrew raised his eyebrows. “Mei daed was funny?”
“Ya.” Stephen shared their conversation. “I bet he had a great sense of humor before his stroke.”
“He did. I miss that. I appreciate how you take the time to talk to him. Some folks don’t count him in their conversations since he can’t speak well anymore.”
“Everyone counts, mei freind.” Stephen’s eyes roamed back toward the porch where Hannah and Jason now stood with a group of young people. He longed to be a part of that group, and he wanted to be the one standing with Hannah.
“You’re right. Everyone does count.” Andrew pointed toward the house. “I’d like to introduce you to some of my gut freinden.”
Stephen walked with Andrew to the house and tried to commit to memory the dozen or so names that Andrew rattled off while introducing him around. He shook hands and repeated the name of his hometown several times. When he turned toward the porch again, Hannah and her group of friends had disappeared.
“It’s time to head inside.” Andrew pointed toward the line of people moving into the house.
When the congregation moved to the backless benches for the service, Stephen made his way to the section that was filled with young unmarried men. He scanned the crowd until he located Hannah sitting next to a young woman who was stifling a yawn.
Although he tried his best over the three hours to concentrate on the bishop’s words, Stephen’s thoughts kept flowing back to Hannah and her family. His gaze frequently found its way back to her. She was sitting up straight and seemed to be listening attentively.
Stephen was pulled back from his thoughts when the bishop recited some verses from the book of Acts: “Be it known unto you therefore, men and brethren, that through this man is preached unto you the forgiveness of sins: and by him all that believe are justified from all things, from which ye could not be justified by the law of Moses.”
The words hung over Stephen like a black fog. His stomach churned and he suddenly felt sick. Everything in his body rebelled against the words, and bile rose in his throat. He stood, and the minister stopped speaking. Every set of eyes in the room turned toward him. He looked at Hannah and found her watching him with her eyebrows careening toward her hairline.
He hopped up from the bench, pushed past the young men in his row, and rushed outside. With his head hanging low, he staggered down the porch steps and toward the barn, where he dropped to his knees. He tried in vain to swallow back the lump in his throat.
Deep in his heart Stephen felt that the words from the scripture just didn’t apply to him. He didn’t feel worthy of God’s love, and the cross couldn’t possibly cover his sins.
He didn’t deserve to be a part of the congregation, and he wasn’t one of God’s children. He’d committed a sin far too terrible to deserve any love at all.
Hannah waved and greeted her friends Fern Zook and Eve Bender on her way to the kitchen after the church service. Hannah and Anna Ruth each grabbed a pitcher of water from the counter to serve to the members of the congregation who waited for lunch.
“It was a nice service.” Hannah carried the pitcher to the family room, where the benches were converted into tables.
“Ya, it was.” Anna Ruth stopped at the edge of the room a few steps away from a table of young men. “How are things going with Stephen working at the bed-and-breakfast?”
“Everything is gut.” Hannah smiled. “Stephen is doing wunderbaar repairs. He fixed the barn door and is working on the pasture fence.”
Anna Ruth raised her eyebrows. “He’s been working hard. I had a gut feeling about him after we all had supper the other night.”
Hannah thought about the accounting mistake and considered that having Stephen around would relieve her of many of the stresses of trying to make do with little to no maintenance. His help would allow her to focus more on the business side of running the inn. She refocused and noticed a big smile on Anna Ruth’s face.
“And before you ask, Stephen and I are only freinden.”
“It’s gut to have a freind.” Anna Ruth started toward a far table, holding the pitcher up high to avoid spilling the water.
Hannah glanced toward the table of young men and spotted Stephen next to Andrew. He fit right in, laughing and joking with the other young men.
Hannah made her way down the line, refilling water glasses. She stopped to pick up Jason’s glass.
“Danki. Can we talk later?”
“Ya.” Hannah placed his full glass on the table. “I’ll look for you after lunch.”
“Gut. I look forward to it.”
Hannah didn’t look, but she could feel Stephen’s eyes on her. She wondered what he was thinking.
“Stephen, I’d like you to meet Bishop Smucker.” Andrew gestured toward the older man while they stood together on the porch later that afternoon. “Bishop, this is Stephen Esh. He moved here recently from Sugarcreek, Ohio, and he’s working at my parents’ inn and farm.”
Stephen and the bishop shook hands. “It’s nice to meet you,” Stephen said. “I enjoyed the church service.”
Bishop Smucker was short and stocky. He was slightly balding with a long gray beard and his handshake was firm. “Willkumm to Paradise. Are you planning to stay?”
Stephen nodded. “I believe so.”
“Gut. If you ever need someone to talk to, don’t hesitate to come see me.” He stared at Stephen, causing Stephen to shift his weight on his feet. The bishop must have been alluding to his rushing out of the service. He was certain everyone was curious about his erratic behavior.
“Danki. I’ll keep that in mind.”
The bishop walked away to speak to another member of the congregation and Stephen stared after him, wondering if the older man could see the burdens weighing down his heart. Does he sense the guilt I’m carrying? He made a mental note to go visit the bishop soon.
Hannah stepped out onto the Bontragers’ porch after lunch and spotted Jason standing with a group of men next to the pasture fence. He waved before walking toward her.
She met him at the bottom of the steps. “Hi.”
“Hi.” He nodded toward the fence. “Let’s go for a walk.”
Hannah fell in step with him and wondered what he wanted to talk about. She looked toward the barn and saw several of the young men playing a game of volleyball. Would Stephen see them walking off together? Did it matter?
Jason stopped when they were away from the rest of the church members.
“The youth gathering is at Katie Beiler’s tonight.” Jason stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Are you still planning to go with me?”
“Ya. I’d like that.” She looked closely at his face and noted again how handsome he was. His hazel eyes were full of mischief, his confidence evident.
“Wunderbaar!”
Jason discussed the logistics of when they would leave for the gathering, but Hannah glanced around distractedly, wondering what Stephen might be doing. Her eyes stopped short when she found him talking to Becky. He wasn’t going to ask her to tonight’s gathering, was he? Her jealousy surprised her. Her brother’s warning hung in her mind. She’d have to find out what Andrew knew . . . and soon.