Chapter 16

“Years ago when I would follow Jacob and Perry to school, I used to imagine that it was Jacob walking by my side, and that it was Perry who was following. Of course, Perry would have never followed either of us. That wasn’t his way.”

DEBORAH BORNTRAGER

Overcome, Deborah threw the cell phone down and stared at it like it was on fire. Jacob had been fighting with Perry the evening he died? They’d been arguing and fighting and Perry was left bleeding while Jacob ran away?

Her head pounded as all of the consequences ran together in her mind. Jacob was to blame for Perry’s death. Maybe completely to blame. In addition, he’d been hiding the truth from her for months. No matter what he’d said, he hadn’t trusted her. Or maybe, rather, it was that he hadn’t wanted her to know his guilt.

And all this time, she’d been harboring her own secret about the man she’d loved for most of her life.

Feeling like each of her feet weighed a hundred pounds, she slowly walked over to her desk drawer, pulled out an old devotional, and carefully pulled out the note she’d hidden inside.

The one she’d snuck out of Perry’s room.

The note that Jacob had written to Perry, promising him that he would one day make Perry sorry for all the pain he’d caused them.

She’d been sure it was just another example of Jacob letting his emotions get the best of him. Afraid that someone would get the wrong idea about his words, she’d kept the note hidden.

But now it seemed that there was a very good chance that she’d been the one who’d completely misunderstood Jacob. Feeling sick to her stomach, she knew she was going to have to show the note to Mose.

Even if it meant admitting her folly and caused Jacob to hate her for the rest of her life.

Even it if helped Mose and Detective Reynolds arrest Jacob. She had to do this for Perry.

But this was going to hurt. Giving in to her grief, she laid down on her bed and let the tears fall for what she was going to have to do.

All this time, she’d been sure no other man could ever measure up to Jacob. She’d refused to see his faults. Instead, she’d made excuses for his rudeness or his selfish ways. Instead of realizing that he was never going to be the man for her, she gave him second and third chances. How could she be so stupid?

She hiccupped after a few moments, reliving Jacob’s phone call. And then she realized what he hadn’t said. He hadn’t mentioned his reasons for looking for Perry. He hadn’t even said whether the fight had been an accident or on purpose. All he’d said was that he and Perry had fought, but that he hadn’t killed him.

With the policemen standing right there, he’d taken the time to call her. Almost as if she mattered to him as much as he mattered to her.

Did he still?

Maybe, just maybe, she hadn’t been as foolish as she’d thought? Deborah realized that God was testing her right there and then. She could either have faith in Him, or she could use this moment as yet another reason to close herself off from the world and wallow in grief.

Thinking about that, she reflected about how many days and nights she’d done just that. She had chosen to stay by herself, letting her doubts comfort her instead of other people.

Looking at her closed door, she knew this was an important moment for her. She knew Mose would stop by the house soon and speak to her parents. And they would once again be thrown into a combination of righteous grief . . . and anger at the rest of the world.

But one thing she was certain they would not do was reach out to her. It would be up to her to hold the family together, to comfort them.

She would. She intended to do her duty.

But over the last week, Deborah had realized that she was so much more than the dutiful daughter. She was a grown woman with needs and fears all of her own. It was time she reached out to people who could help her.

Looking at the cell phone still clasped in her hand like an invitation, she made a sudden decision. She scanned down the five phone numbers and clicked on the name.

Frannie answered immediately. “Deborah, you are using the phone! I am mighty glad of that.”

“I didn’t call simply to talk. I need help.”

“What is wrong? Are you hurt?”

“I’m not hurt, at least not on the outside. Frannie, to be honest, I’m afraid I’m pretty shaken up. Jacob just called and told me that he fought with Perry on New Year’s Eve.”

“But . . . that was the day I saw Perry.”

“I know. I’m not sure what happened. Maybe he saw Perry after you did? He said they fought and he left Perry alone in the field, bleeding. Now Detective Reynolds and Sheriff Kramer have taken him to their office for questioning. I don’t know what to do.”

“Oh my word.” Her voice was weak as she continued. “I don’t even know what to think, Deborah. All I know is that I feel certain that Luke wouldn’t do anything without believing it to be the right thing.”

That was what she was afraid of. “I know. I can hardly wrap my mind around everything that he said. I feel like Jacob has been hiding a whole other life from me. Like he’s taken everything that I believed about him and twisted it up into something I’m not even sure I recognize anymore.”

Taking a breath, she blurted the awful truth. “Frannie, all this time while Mose and Luke have been here, questioning all of us, making us all doubt each other . . . all this time, he’s been the one,” she added, forcing herself to continue even though saying the words was breaking her heart.

“We don’t know that for sure. I must say I’m surprised by the news. I had been sure it was a stranger. Like it could have been one of those men who the undercover agent had been following.”

“I wish it had been a stranger.”

“Maybe it still was. We don’t know, right?”

She breathed deep. “You’re right.” Oh, she hoped Frannie was right! It was so much easier to blame and hate a mysterious stranger instead of the man she’d secretly loved for most of her life! “But I need to go to the sheriff’s office and deliver something. Would . . . would you go with me?”

“Of course. But, Deborah, I can’t change Luke’s mind.”

“I wouldn’t want you to do that. The only way all of us can go forward is if we understand what really happened in the past. I just don’t want to go to the sheriff’s office alone.”

“You won’t have to. I know one thing for sure—you cannot be alone right now!”

“I was hoping you’d say that. I don’t think I’m going to be able to stand another minute with only my thoughts for company.”

“You don’t need to do that. You’ve got your friends, Deborah, and we’re not going to make you handle this on your own. Now, where are you?”

“I’m home. I’m sitting in my room.” Sneaking a call on the cell phone Jacob had gotten her. Unable to help herself, she winced. Was it even right what she was doing?

“Do you want me to come to your house, and then we can walk to see Luke together?” Frannie asked. Deborah could tell by her tone that her mind was clicking away, debating various options of how to help her out.

“I don’t want to stay here another moment.” No, she wanted to run and run. To get as far away from her life as she could. Maybe if she did that she wouldn’t hurt so badly?

“Then, how about you walk over here to the Yellow Bird Inn?”

“Are you sure you don’t mind walking with me to see Luke? Oh, is Luke going to mind you getting involved?”

“First of all, I am already involved. And secondly, last I heard, I haven’t given Luke any reason to think he could decide who I wanted at my bed-and-breakfast,” Frannie replied with such a dose of salt and vinegar in her voice that Deborah had to grin. “You need to come over right now, Deborah. Then, after we talk to Mose and Luke, I’ll call Beth and Lydia. They can come over here and sit with us. All night if we need them to.”

“You don’t think they’d mind?”

“Not at all. News like this calls for girlfriends and chocolate.”

“I’ll be over soon,” she said, tears of relief pricking her eyes. She was so glad she’d called Frannie. What would she have done if she’d just sat in her room, with only her dark thoughts for company?

Clicking off the phone, she stared at it. The right thing to do would be to turn it off and hide it, too.

But just as she was about to slip it between her mattress and box springs, she paused. And remembered the frantic tone in Jacob’s voice. He’d sounded so scared, and so alone.

And out of everyone in the world, he’d called her. What if he tried again and she didn’t answer?

As she thought about that, she berated herself for even thinking about such a thing. She shouldn’t care about his feelings . . . should she?

Deborah found herself immobilized by fear and indecision. Weighing what was right and what wasn’t.

“Deborah?” her father called out. “What are you doing in your room? I thought I heard you talking to someone.”

“I was only praying out loud, Daed,” she lied, immediately flushing. Oh, but that was the worst sort of lie. Not only was she lying to her father, but she was using the Lord in her deception. She had no doubt that He was shaking his head in disappointment.

But though she felt guilty, Deborah wasn’t about to take back her words. She needed some time to herself and with people she could be completely honest with.

At the moment, those people were not her parents. Carefully, she slipped Jacob’s note back into the devotional, then put a nightgown and a change of clothes into the tote bag, too.

Her father was standing outside her door, looking concerned and confused. “Daughter, what is going on?”

“I’m going to go to Frannie Eicher’s for the rest of today and to spend the night as well.”

His brows rose. “At Frannie’s? Why?”

She knew she should tell him about Jacob’s phone call. She knew she should stay home and be there for her parents. But though her sense of duty was strong, her need to think of her own sanity remained just as important.

Keeping her voice light, she said, “Frannie has invited several women over for the evening. It’s a chance for us all to talk about her courtship with Luke. It’s a ‘girl thing,’ Daed.”

He frowned. “But Frannie is courting a man who is not of our faith. I hardly think you should be celebrating that.”

Out of all the things they had going on, she found it hard to believe her daed was concerned about Frannie’s love life. “Frannie and Luke have fallen in love. Frannie’s never been happier, and Luke is willing to leave his city life and his position in the city police department for a life in Crittenden County. I think that’s something to celebrate.”

“But he is not Amish. And that man carries a weapon.”

“I know. But I don’t think you can always choose who you fall in love with, Daed.”

Folding his arms across his chest, he looked at her with more than a little skepticism. “Is that right? Well, if you don’t do the choosing, who does?”

“God, Daed. I think God helps us find the right mate in life. And for reasons we don’t know, He’s chosen Luke for Frannie. I’m going to spend the night at Frannie’s house, then go straight from there to work at the Schrocks’ store.”

His frown deepened. “I wish you had never taken that job. Whenever I think of the store, I’m reminded how working there ruined Perry’s life.”

Deborah gulped. Her father’s words seemed to have double meanings. It now was evident that Jacob Schrock had ruined Perry’s life. And perhaps all the hatred and violence had begun at the store.

Put that way, her father’s words made a lot of sense.

So why wasn’t she also thinking the same things? Why was she still holding a cell phone, all for the slight chance that Jacob would call her again?

And why wasn’t she anxious to quit her job? She should want to put as much distance between herself and the Schrocks as possible!

“I’m going to leave now, Daed. I don’t want to walk to Frannie’s in the dark.”

His face fell. Steeling herself, she turned and walked out the door.