The image of Shelby straddling his lap in the truck haunted Eric’s mind. And God help him, he had tried everything to erase the impression of her lips on his, her willowy but strong body curving to fit him, the heat flaring between them. His futile attempts to forget that incident were why he had been late this morning. His brain clanged around in his skull, thanks to his counselor and confidante, Jack Daniel’s.
Who had screwed him over again. Not only did Jack not work, he made Eric feel like manure this morning.
Shoving pieces of bacon into his gullet to make a point didn’t help. In fact, that boneheaded move might prompt a repeat performance later today, given his lingering hangover. Eric shoved a piece of gum in his mouth and chewed, hoping the mint would calm his rolling gut.
Crisp, dry air stung his windpipe this morning. The sun peeked out between thin, icy clouds. No snow since last week, but it was forecast for later this week. The sooner they finished the fence work, the sooner he could work on the replacement barn that needed to be completed before the first big snowfall. That is, after this last minute hunting trip was over.
The hunting guide service was his and Kerr’s dream. After his friend had been discharged from the military a broken man, Eric had vowed to stick with Kerr. Although he hadn’t been able to keep Kerr from being hurt, Eric sure as hell could help with his recovery and support his aspiration.
The idea of anything screwing up that bond scared the hell out of him.
“Ready, slowpoke?” That voice yanked him out of his thoughts. Geezus, that woman annoyed the living hell out of him.
He cinched the girth strap, making his horse huff and stomp. Eric had no sympathy for the animal. Some beasts had to carry burdens they didn’t like. Join the club.
Turning on his heel, every thought left his brain when he focused on the woman leading her horse by the reins.
Shelby was a force of nature, all aimed at his nuts. From the long line of tight, faded denim to the dull leather jacket that made him want to peel it off and get to know what lay beneath, to the Stetson crammed down so low only a few orange curls stuck out, he wanted all of it.
Even her flippant exterior, the one designed to make everyone think I’m perfectly fine. He wanted to crack through the shell and expose the real Shelby inside. What he’d give for an hour alone with her, off the ranch, in complete privacy. A tight heat settled down low, below the belt. If he had an entire night, that would be even better. Pure heaven.
Or hell.
She coughed and threw him a satchel full of tools and wire. Then she patted her horse on the neck. “Come on, Bob, let’s leave this granny in the dust.”
Bob. The stupid horse. The damned beast flicked its short, singed tail and winked an eye at Eric. That horse had almost been the death of Shelby two weeks ago when the barn had gone up in flames and she dashed in to save the mangy animal.
Bob batted his horsey eyelashes at Shelby and whickered, clearly infatuated with her. And when she mounted up, the damn beast whuffed in ecstasy.
How did that animal get to have her legs draped on either side of its back?
He hated that horse.
Lashing the supplies, Eric swallowed his gum and swung up into the saddle.
• • •
Shelby blew on her gloved hands as she and Eric repaired another section of fence. The weather had turned colder. A few anemic flakes straggled down from the cloudy sky. The blurred sight had cleared, but she continued to see shadows dancing on the edge of her vision. Had to be residual side effect of the rescue in the Tetons.
But the weird whiffs of hot sulfur, like driving through the geyser basin at Yellowstone? And the searing anger slashing over her filters? That was different.
The creepy crawly feelings made her check over her shoulders. What the heck was going on out here? Was she going crazy?
Eric twisted the metal in the fence splicer then stood up. Crouched on the ground, she looked up. He took up her field of vision. For a second, she caught a flash of intensity in his dark blue eyes that stopped her breathing.
Ridiculous.
What was even more ridiculous? The way her nerves twitched around him, like her skin craved his touch. Made sense, after the way he’d hauled her onto his lap and kissed her. What a kiss, too. Something she’d been trying hard to forget.
Without success.
“Why are these sections disrupted, anyway?” he asked, peering behind them and into the wooded Bridger-Teton National Forest land that abutted the property. Fifty feet away, the Brand property met up with their fence line and the national forest.
That twitchy feeling might have more to do with proximity to their neighbors. What she’d give for Eric to go away. She wanted to get closer to the Brand property and figure out whatever operation those nuts had going on over there. Too bad Mr. Hall Monitor was with her today. He’d probably remind her about how it was illegal to trespass or something equally square. Fine. She’d come back later.
“I presume the Brands are up to their old tricks.”
“But why?” he asked.
“No idea.” She dusted her hands on her jeans.
As she stood up, he followed her movements with his eyes. The direct gaze was hungry. For a split second, her world tilted a few degrees off plumb. Thank goodness her filters were up. And thank goodness he kept his thoughts mostly hidden. Perfect.
“Why are you out here, Shel?” The end of his sentence got whipped away in the gust of cold wind. His tall frame blocked out the wan sunlight.
“What? To fix the fence, of course.”
He flung an arm out. “The cattle are all down near the house. Garrison isn’t letting them into the back forty fields until springtime. And that wasn’t the question. Why are you out here?” The grim line of his mouth made her want to soften that harshness with kisses.
No. That was a horrible idea.
“To see what’s going on. With the fence.”
He crossed his arms over the long coat covering his broad chest. “Try again.” Tilting his head, he continued, “Anything to do with your ability to get into someone’s head? Say, a neighbor’s head?”
“What?” Glancing back over her shoulder, she whispered, “With the Brands?”
“Tempting, isn’t it?”
“Like I want to try that trick again.”
“Wouldn’t put it past you.”
Damn him. What was he, perceptive all of a sudden? “Look, not all the stuff I can do is bad.”
His eyebrows rose. “Never said it was.” A muscle in his jaw jumped. “Kind of a cool power, if you ask me.”
“I didn’t.”
That smile curved his mouth but went no farther. What warmth remained in his eyes bled out into the dry, frigid air. “You know, I always wondered how you found Leah.”
The girlfriend who died because of Shelby? Her heart sank. She had hoped to avoid this discussion. “Now you know.”
“Yeah. When she didn’t return to camp, you and Kerr had a heated discussion. Then you shook your head, spun around, and started walking away in a straight line. And you found her. I never understood until the other week, watching you find Zach and Sara.”
“But I failed way back then with Leah.” Even now, the image of his girlfriend’s broken body from where she’d fallen down the steep rocks preyed upon Shelby’s memory.
“I don’t see it that way.” Yes, he did see it that way. The pricks of anger pinged off her filter. Some of his stinging emotion got through.
“Your mind says otherwise.” Ducking her head, she continued. “Leah wasn’t alive when I found her.”
“Not upset about that.”
“Don’t believe you, but I’ll bite. What are you upset about, if it isn’t your dead girlfriend?”
It was Eric’s turn to flinch. “Yeah, fine. Her death was awful. No question.”
The burning in her eyes? Had to be due to the icy air. “Yeah,” she mumbled.
“But I’m mad that you somehow think you’re responsible for her death.”
How did he stay so calm, talking about her failure? “No way.”
“Let’s be honest here. When I found out about your little radar power, it took me about thirty seconds to evaluate Leah’s death and figure out how you found her.”
“Damn.”
“Whether you held off using your power or whether you used it and you couldn’t help that she had already died? It didn’t matter.”
“I don’t understand.” Her heart hammered double time in her chest.
“Because you don’t owe anyone anything. You don’t owe the world anything. This is your power. And it hurts you when it’s used. Who gets to dictate how that gift gets used? And for whom? No one.”
Peering up at him and shoring up her filters to deflect the pings of irritation, she asked, “What else? Because I think there’s more.”
For a minute, the only sound came from the wind rushing by them. His Adam’s apple bobbed. “I’m also mad that you’re so closed off.”
“First of all, isn’t that like the pot calling the kettle black? Second of all, is it any surprise?” She waved her hand around her head. “How do you expect me to manage this insanity otherwise? All the short-circuiting in my head doesn’t indicate that I’m nuts. It means I’m cursed.”
He held out his hand, palm forward. “No. What I meant was, what are you scared of? If you’re still hung up on what happened in high school, don’t be. It wasn’t your fault.”
“Not using my power sooner might have gotten your girlfriend killed, Eric. That’s a big deal.” And he got way too close on the other points she refused to answer.
“You didn’t force her to do anything. She was drunk and made the decision to wander off. It’s no one’s fault.”
“I should have been paying more attention. Should have gotten to her sooner.”
“Shel, you’re not responsible for everyone else. People make their own choices.”
“For most people, sure. But my little gift means that yes, I have a greater responsibility for others.”
“That’s crazy.”
“Is it? Do you know how it feels to sit back and watch the Search and Rescue team go out on a mission, knowing that if I were with them, their chances of success would be close to 100 percent?”
“You have a life to live, too, though.” His gaze was shadowed beneath his hat. “And you’re not living it, are you?”
Her laugh came out hollow, pathetic. She rubbed her jacket-clad arm. “Look, you don’t understand. Because of my weird ability, I can’t do ‘normal relationship’ stuff. And any time I try, the emotional backlash of knowing what my partner really, truly feels about me is too much. I can’t take it.”
He crossed his arms. “Is that what you’re scared of? That a partner will reject you . . . mentally . . . and you’ll read it?”
“Partly.” More like terrified that one certain partner will reject me.
“What if your partner thought only good things about you?” His voice came out as a low whisper that riled her nerve endings.
A shudder ran through her spine. Then she squashed any hope and shook her head. “Never going to happen. Human nature and all. The inner monologue and never-ending emotions that people generate go back and forth from positive to negative all the time. Normal people just don’t hear all of it.”
He stepped closer. Enough to where she inhaled the mouthwatering scent of hardworking male and cloves, making her head spin.
“What are you really afraid of, Shel? Other people? Or yourself? Do you really want a life where you have no intimate contact with anyone? Are you scared of letting anyone in? Or just me?”
For a second there, she was tempted to answer. Then she squashed the desire. If she took the risk standing in front of her and then things went to hell? She’d never be able to face him again. That last ember of hope that glowed deep down inside of Shelby, the last chance at having a normal relationship, would be snuffed out forever.
She took a step to the side. “Let’s keep working here. There are more areas of the fence that need to be mended.”
He blocked her way, imposing his large frame into her personal space. Damn him, she hated the invasion but craved it at the same time. And the spicy emotion pinging on her filters indicated his desire, not anger.
That made two of them.
“Listen to me, Shel. I never blamed you for Leah’s death. No one did.”
No way could she meet his eyes. “Ok. Fine.”
He ripped off his gloves and threw them to the ground. Then he dropped a hand on her shoulder. It didn’t feel quite like affection, more to keep her in one place, get her attention. Firm, heavy, warm, even through her coat. Exactly how she would want him to use that hand in other, more intimate ways, beneath her clothing.
Standing here, in the wind-whipped outdoors with Eric, she teetered on the edge of something new. Like a tall cliff with jagged rocks at the bottom.
“No. Not fine. You have to take some risks. Or . . . ” The line of his throat when the muscled cords flexed commanded her attention.
She blinked. “Or what? I’ll end up alone? I’ll never get close to someone? Since when are you concerned about my future?”
“Damn it all, Shel. I’ve always been concerned about your future. I’ve watched you lock your emotions up for years—I just never realized why you were doing it. I’ve watched you distance yourself from others. Listen to me. I’ve cared about you since high school, maybe before then.”
“Cared? Like a buddy?”
The wind whipped away his curse. “Yes, once. But if I’m going to be totally honest, I haven’t thought of you as a buddy for a long time.”
“I don’t und—”
The movement a blur, he knocked her hat from her head, yanked her forward, and covered what she was about to say with his warm, unyielding, amazing mouth. For a moment, she tried to analyze whatever he was trying to tell her. But the hot, swirling sensations took over conscious thought, and she couldn’t have cared less about analyzing anything more than the textures of his lips and tongue.
If she’d enjoyed the kiss in the confines of the truck yesterday, she reveled in the wildness of kissing Eric in the wide open, surrounded by nothing more than crisp mountain air and forest. She snaked her arms around his neck and stood on tiptoes to rise a few more inches and meet him at his level.
She lowered her filters a few degrees.
The emotional read she got from him constituted a furnace blast of passion, desire, and hunger. He wanted more. So much more.
Sounded good right about now.
He slid a hand down her back and curved his palm around her hip, the heat from his touch branding her, even through the denim. How wonderful would it feel to have those hands on other parts of her body, tracing her skin, drawing out the pleasure, time and again?
Slanting his head, he changed the angle, opening her mouth. He took advantage of the access and swept his tongue across hers, filling her, consuming her, taking control in a way she’d never thought she could allow someone to do.
Right when her knees weakened, he pulled away, mouth open, breathing hard. “I want so much more than this, Shelby.” He backed up a step. “With you, I don’t want to stop. Even right now.” He yanked her to him and crushed more kisses onto her lips, then after a nip, lifted his head again.
With all the emotions swirling, the ground under her feet tilted.
He studied her with those dark blue eyes. “You think you have hang-ups? We all do.” Another kiss landed, hard and long, until he leaned back again. “But here’s the deal. If you think we have a future together, you need to make that decision sooner rather than later. I’m sick and tired of watching and waiting.”
She gasped. He’d never talked to her like this before. Never laid it all out there.
She’d never known.
Had she?
Damn it. Her feelings for Eric had been her blind spot.
Wrapping a hand around the back of her neck, he forced her to look at him. “I’m done sitting back while you shut your emotions inside a safe, little box. I will not sit by and watch you take care of everyone else but yourself. I can’t do that anymore.”
A shiver skated down her spine. “But I—”
He slid both hands back down and squeezed her hips, fingers splayed around to the top of her buttocks. His grip edged close to pain but stopped just short of hurting her. Strength held back, like the strength in his frame. The proximity of his hands to other areas of her pelvis pooled damp warmth between her legs.
“Here’s the deal, Shel. I won’t stick around forever. If you think there’s a chance that we have a future, then I want all of you. Nothing held back in reserve. No hiding. No filters. All these situations where you’ve been in harm’s way and I couldn’t do anything about it— no more. This . . . what we have between us . . . I need more control over my life than this. I can’t sit by and do nothing.”
“You don’t sit there and do nothing, Eric.”
“You don’t get it. My life has been a whiplash of unstable events followed by me floating around without an anchor. My folks leaving, not having a solid foundation, the army, with what happened to . . . Kerr . . . ” He shook his head. “And since then, I’ve kind of drifted along. Maybe I live in the same place, but I have nothing concrete. Nothing to call my own. My so-called life is an empty package of an existence.”
“Of course you have your own life.” A jolt of something close to panic kicked her heart into overdrive. “You and Kerr have the guide service—”
“It’s ours. Not mine.”
“Your work at the ranch.”
His dark blue eyes pinned her in place. “Your family ranch.” His Adam’s apple bobbed again. “Family. Yours.”
“Wow.”
“Here’s the deal, Shel. If you’re ever with me, you have to open up to me. Completely.”
“Completely?” she whispered.
Dipping his lips to her ears, his voice vibrated every bone of her body. “Every. Whimper.” He traced the shell of her ear with his tongue, and her heart stopped. “Every time you squirm, wanting more. And I want to bring you more. Create your pleasure. Become your pleasure. Be responsible for making you scream my name. I want you to be mine. I don’t want to have just something. I want you. Body. Mind. All of it. Or nothing.”
“Nothing?”
He pulled back and pinned her with that direct, midnight gaze. “Let me have the reins here or cut me loose to find what I need elsewhere. I can’t go halfway.”
A shudder passed through her. Honeyed heat gathered down low in her belly, followed by a cold jolt that iced her veins. He’d made it clear. No guarantees he would wait for her. Could she expose her soul to anyone like that? Become that vulnerable? The chances of failure and being hurt would be astronomically high.
Could she allow herself to not be in control?
A tiny ray of hope sparked as she stared into his dark blue eyes.
Failure would destroy any chance of a friendship with Eric. Might even drive him away from here forever. So, there existed a slim chance of happiness versus a larger risk of failure.
Damn it. This was Eric. She’d wanted him for . . . a long time. Her subconscious insisted on placing him in her dreams, no matter how hard she tried to view him as a family friend. He was her rock on the Search and Rescue team. He was the one she wanted to be close to when her world spun off its axis.
She opened her mouth. “Eric, I—”
A shot rang out; a heavy thunk and a puff of dirt erupted near her feet.
“Geezus.” He pushed her behind him. Another explosion, a few inches closer, had him shoving her toward the horses as he backpedaled. “Someone’s shooting at us. Go!”