Chapter Thirteen: Happy Ending

 

My footsteps echoed off the walls of the Ronald Reagan Memorial State Penitentiary. My path was illuminated thanks to the backup generators, but the prison still seemed eerie at night. Hundreds of prisoners, guards and administrative officials would have been there before the zombie apocalypse, but now the building was quiet as a tomb. I knew my “nemesis” was there somewhere, but I was not afraid to find him. It was time we finally ended it. I had already searched through most of the prison and had narrowed down the number of places where he could be. I walked into a tiny room with two rows of chairs and looked at the observation window. I saw him sitting at the edge of a cot, staring right back at me. He nodded emotionlessly at me and pointed at the door that allowed access to his room. He had known I was coming and decided to wait for me. The irony of him choosing the death chamber as the location for our final showdown was not lost on me.

My heart began to race as I swung open the death chamber’s door. I took a few steps into the room and then paused. “Hi, dad,” I said.

Nick snorted and shook his head. “I told you not to call me that. Only pathetic vampires think of their makers as parents.”

“I read your views on the subject in your second book, but you never directly told me that,” I countered. “You must have said it to that idiot clone of mine who you killed. You and I haven’t had a nice little chat since 1945.”

“Good times,” Nick joked. He leaned forward from the end of the cot and squinted at my face. “You look weird without the Charlie Chaplin mustache. Don’t your iNazi followers complain about the new look of their Führer?”

I chuckled at his ignorance. “The whole iNazi movement was invented just to distract the world while my real plan came to fruition. Mengele started the term as a joke, but then it spread like wildfire. My loyal followers and I will be sticking with the classic ‘Nazi’ name. I have thought about dropping the Führer title though. It doesn’t really fit anymore now that most of my supporters are not native German speakers. I was thinking of something more humble like ‘the Governor’. What do you think?”

Nick shrugged his shoulders. “Meh. I think it has been used before.”

Lara barreled through the door with a revolver in her outstretched hand. She aimed her weapon at her grandfather’s chest and shot me a quizzical look. She lowered the pistol to her side after I shook my head. Nick Whittier was not a threat, and I was not done with our conversation yet.

“Nick, Nick, Nick,” I said as I shook my head slowly like a disappointed mother. “Always trying to be a hero, right to the bitter end. We were content to let you starve to death, but I guess we’ll have to put you down now. I must admit though, I was impressed when I found what you did to my two men who were standing guard in front of the werewolf’s cell. They were elite soldiers. I never would have guessed that you’d be able to take them out without your supernatural powers.”

“Turns out that the element of surprise and a shotgun do pretty well in a pinch,” Nick smirked. “Reginald has a ten minute head start now since you two wasted time looking for me. I brought him a car and a week’s worth of supplies in a duffel bag. You’ll never catch him.”

“That was your grand plan? Busting him out of this prison just like his grandfather did for you?” I mocked him. “That was the last trick up the great Nick Whittier’s sleeve? You think I give a shit about a single, stupid werewolf? I hate to tell you this since apparently he was so important to you... well, that’s a lie. I actually quite enjoy telling you this. You may have saved your friend today, but all you did was buy him a little time. Reginald and the rest of those genetic freaks might be immune to my biological weapon, but that doesn’t mean that they won’t be slaughtered. Those noble morons are as dumb as you are. The normal humans feared and even attacked the werewolves when their existence was revealed to the world, but the idiot fleabags still decided to help save the survivors of the zombie apocalypse. They played right into my hands. They conveniently rounded up a lot of the people who I was planning on killing. The descendents of the survivors of my first Holocaust unwittingly helped me to kill the survivors of my second. Zombies,” I said with a grin. “The really final solution.”

Nick shook his head. “You can’t kill all of them. Some of the survivors will hide on islands or on top of mountains or in other secure locations.”

“They hid from the undead, but not from my hit squads,” I gloated. “They all thought that they were just dealing with zombies. None of them knew that I was behind the apocalypse. There were lots of isolated groups all over the world, but their fear of the undead caused them all to make the same mistake. They were so desperate for information or to organize and find leaders to tell them what to do. Pathetic little sheep. They used antiquated technology to broadcast their positions to each other... and my men. Tens of thousands of loyal fascists were tasked with missions to eliminate all the survivors. They trained for years and were prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice for the cause. The werewolves were great at unknowingly helping us to round up the survivors. Now that they are all dead, the werewolves have outlived their usefulness. My assassins will slaughter them, and then the members of my hit squads who have survived will join us in a number of secure locations. You were right when you said there are lots of great places to hide,” I said to Nick. “Lara and I will be heading down to the limestone caves in Missouri in a few hours to join some of our friends. All in all, there are around 60,000 loyal Nazis hiding out in small communities all over the world. That’s more than enough to repopulate the Earth, even when you consider the fifty-two per year who will have to sacrifice themselves in order to quench my thirst. The reanimated corpses are not too different from you or I. They still require blood to survive, and they’ll eventually starve to death if they don’t get it. My scientists estimate that it’ll take anywhere from six months to a year for the zombies to die. After that, my loyal followers and I will emerge and create a new fascist utopia here on Earth. The zombies only drink the blood of normal humans, so we will find the world just as we left it. We’ll have all the plants, animals and other resources we need to rebuild.”

Nick listened to the details of my master plan intently. When I was finished, he closed his eyes for a moment as if he was processing all the new information. I must admit, he was not acting the way I had expected him to act. Given Lara’s description of him as a blubbering, pathetic mess who had curled up on the floor of the Vampire Research Institute, I had anticipated a different reaction. He had to know what was about to happen to him, yet he seemed calm and content. After listening to my strategy, he even had the nerve to laugh in my face.

“Poor Adolf couldn’t get anyone to like him,” Nick mocked me in a silly voice. “The whole world rallied to defeat you during World War Two. Even your own people turned on you at the end. Hell, the Germans were the first ones to offer assistance once they learned that you were still alive. You scoured the globe and scraped together some pathetic idiots who are willing to worship you like the cult leader that you are. You couldn’t conquer the world so you had to destroy it. You know what you are?” he said with a chuckle. “You’re the brat kid who flips over the Monopoly board because he can’t win the game.”

Lara took a few steps forward with fire in her eyes. “You want to talk about other people’s failures?” she demanded from her grandfather. “This great man has used you like a puppet! All of your efforts to stop him were futile! Nothing you did mattered!”

Nick stared at Lara blankly for a moment before turning towards me. “Yeah, what was the deal with all those secret weapons programs that Laura Kruse and I disrupted?” he asked as casually as if we were discussing the weather. “Did you have me jumping through hoops as some sort of sick revenge for Eva Braun’s death?”

“You really think I would be that petty?” I questioned. “You think I would waste all that time and all those resources on someone as insignificant to me as you are? And you have the gall to call me arrogant? Besides, I knew you would suffer plenty once the zombie outbreak started. Watching you run around and waste your time on those programs was just a pleasant side effect of my real plan.”

“So it was all a distraction?” Nick reasoned. “The weather machine, the weredinosaurs, the super soldiers, the army of vampires... they were all just a way to keep me busy and divert attention away from your real plan?”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” I responded. “The only reason you ever mattered was because I needed your vampire virus cure in order to develop my biological weapon. After you handed that over to Lara at the VRI you became irrelevant to me. I never saw you as a threat to my plans. You were the one who decided to get involved and waste your time. I was far more concerned with the Mossad, the CIA, the BND, MI-6 and whatever the hell the Russians call the KGB nowadays. Although I guess they don’t call it anything since they’re all dead now too. My point is, you were hardly the only person on the planet who was gunning for me after you found out that I didn’t die in that bunker in ‘45. When you start a global war and kill fifty million human beings, you tend to get pretty high up on people’s shit list.”

“That’s why you unleashed your biological weapon during our government’s crisis,” Nick guessed. “You were worried that the world’s last superpower might be able to defeat you, so you struck during the chaos after I was impeached and Caleb was dead. That’s why you assassinated the Speaker of the House.”

“Swing and a miss,” I answered. “The United States couldn’t even stop my clone and the secret weapons programs, so I wasn’t at all concerned that they’d respond well to the zombie outbreak. And, for the record, I didn’t kill the Speaker of the House. According to a report from my spies, his wife found out he was having an affair and murdered him. It was just one of those weird coincidences that it happened when it did. No, your government was a joke.”

“Especially when you were leading it,” Lara added. “You were so proud to become president. Of all the careers you had over the years, that was the one where you helped the least amount of people. The only thing you accomplished in that position was getting the FDA to fast-track my vampire virus vaccine, which was half of the biological weapon. Hitler warned me not to bother, but I insisted on marrying you so I could influence the most powerful man in the world. What a waste of time. Although it was kind of fun to pretend to be such a rabid liberal during your presidential campaign. As you might have guessed, my true affiliation is at the far opposite end of the political spectrum.”

Nick seemed unfazed by all the criticism. He kicked his legs against the side of the cot like a bored schoolboy. “On the plus side,” he started. “At least I defeated the aliens.”

“No, what you did was piss off Emperor Bort and almost get Earth destroyed,” I countered angrily. “I developed a plan to defeat the aliens after I first learned of their existence forty years ago. Unlike you, I knew they were a threat from the very beginning. That’s why I contacted Emperor Bort and asked for his assistance. The strategy was based on the world being smart enough to surrender to him once they saw what kind of firepower he was packing. Did you really think Lara was able to combine aardvark flu and sloth syphilis into a biological weapon in just a few months? She’s good, but she’s not that good. My scientists had been working on that for a decade. We were going to deploy it on their occupation forces and let it spread through their fleet. We could have captured all of their interstellar ships and their magnificent technology intact! I knew exactly where the Novagate was and how to activate it. I could have sent the biological weapon through and killed all the aliens. Instead you decided to blow up their whole goddamn solar system! Once my fascist utopia took root on Earth, I was planning on eventually colonizing those alien planets. There aren’t very many habitable worlds in the known universe. You destroyed a lot of prime real estate!”

“We’re being too hard on you, Nick,” Lara said sarcastically. “Your life these last few years hasn’t been completely pointless. You did manage to get me back home safe and sound,” she finished. She wrapped a hand around my waist and leaned her head against my shoulder.

“Which he only had to do because he killed my right-hand man,” I said to Lara before turning to Nick. “I sent him out to rescue Lara and bring her back here. I don’t know how the hell you managed to kill him, but it’s a real waste. Karl had been a loyal follower for a very long time. On the plus side though, his death means that I will soon become the last vampire on Earth. The ones who didn’t use the cure will starve to death now that the only normal humans left alive are the Nazi loyalists, who are in secure locations.”

“I stand corrected,” Lara said. “I guess nothing Nick did mattered in the grand scheme of things.”

“I saved Chuck,” Nick said. “That’s what’s important.”

“Reginald,” I corrected him. “I think the starvation is getting to you. You can’t even keep their names straight,” I joked. “Like I said, your little werewolf friend will die soon enough. It’s funny that you brought up his grandfather though. You’re about to die just like Chuck did. Weak, in a bed that’s not your own and plagued with the knowledge that I am still alive because of you. Chuck was consumed by guilt when he learned that I survived the war. He knew that the reason I lived was so that he could survive. It wasn’t his fault though. You were the one who turned me into a vampire in order to save him.”

Lara motioned around the small room. “You know, it’s funny. Illinois abolished the death penalty years ago. They were going to remove the death chamber until you got convicted and they decided to make an exception. The room used to be used for lethal injections, but they were going to strap you down to this cot and drive a stake through your heart. You thought you were getting a reprieve when Chuck Kruse busted you out of here, but it turned out you were just delaying your sentence.”

“I’ve been waiting for a big surprise,” I started. “I couldn’t believe you’d go down this easily. I thought for sure you had some crazy scheme to try to get out of this. I expected Reginald to jump in here and try to save the day, but that’s not going to happen, is it?”

Nick shook his head. “Reginald is no match for you, particularly given the condition you left him in. He could barely walk, but he still wanted to help me,” Nick said proudly. “I had to make him promise not to double back.”

“After all these years, this is how it ends for the great Nick Whittier?” I asked in disappointment. “It took you a lot longer than all the other sad little vampires, but you’ve finally decided you want to kill yourself. You’re too much of a coward though, so you come here so I can end your life.”

“That’s not what this is,” Nick snorted. He closed his eyes and chuckled softly. “All the pain... all the heartache I’ve felt over the years? No. If I could have given up I’d have done it long before now.”

I scoffed at Nick’s stupidity. “Then you’ve convinced yourself that you’re making a noble sacrifice? What a joke. Rescuing Reginald accomplishes nothing!”

Nick scooted backwards on the cot until his head was resting on the pillow. He folded his hands on top of his stomach and stared up at the ceiling. “You can’t understand now why it mattered,” he started as a broad smile formed on his face. “But you will.”

I walked next to the cot and stared down at the foolish man. “Whatever,” I declared. I retrieved a wooden stake from my pocket and offered it to Lara, who had walked to a position opposite of me on the other side of the cot. “Care to do the honors?”

Lara snatched the weapon away from me immediately. “My pleasure. Goodbye, grandpa,” she snickered as she raised the stake above her head with both hands.

“Bye, dad,” I said.

Nick continued to smile as he looked upwards. He made no attempt to stop Lara as she plunged the stake into his heart.

“Christina—” Nick gasped.

Silence fell in the death chamber.

 

Lara dug through her grandfather’s pockets after he was dead. The only thing she found was a small flash drive. She was about to smash it when I stepped in to stop her. I am glad I did. The device contained Nick’s previously unpublished manuscripts, including this very book. Lara recommended that I delete the files. As a Nazi, I certainly never had any qualms about destroying subversive literature. Some of my fondest memories from the 1930s involve book burnings. After some thought though, I decided to publish these lost files and allow them to circulate. Nick Whittier was my enemy, but he unwittingly created a rather flattering account of my brilliant plan. They say history is written by the victors, but I believe the defeats chronicled by Nick are just as useful. He highlights the futility of resisting our noble cause.

I had expected these books to be full of lies. Nick was a foolish man, but at least he was honest. He acknowledged the genius of my strategy in addition to his, and the rest of the world’s, shortcomings. As such, I decided not to edit any of his manuscripts for content. I did, however, clean them up a bit. He must have been writing in a hurry because I found an alarming number of tyops.

This is just one of what I am sure will be many books written on the subject of the creation of our glorious utopia. Nick’s original manuscript, obviously, ended before he left Starside for the prison. I took it upon myself to add this final chapter for historical accuracy. While my loyal followers already know the story, I feel it is important to include all the details for the generations to come. Although, as a vampire, I will still be alive to tell your descendents the amazing tale first hand.

After three long months Lara Russell, my dear friend and the greatest spy the world has ever known, was finally safe. The residents of Starside had been eradicated, and our mission on the surface was complete. We withdrew to the limestone caves in Missouri to wait out the zombies with some of our loyal Nazi friends. Communications with the other secure locations around the world proved to be problematic, but that was the only issue we had. We had plenty of supplies and no zombies ever breached our defenses. We were not exactly sure how long it would take for the zombies to starve to death, but we were in no hurry. We waited a little over a year before we sent out scouting parties. They quickly confirmed that all the undead had perished and it was now safe for us to emerge from our temporary homes.

It was exciting news, but word of a great tragedy came with it. Lara, citing the boredom she felt being cooped up in the caves, had volunteered to join one of the scouting parties. She had gotten separated from her comrades and went missing for the better part of a week. I organized a candlelight vigil for the great hero after word came back that they had found her body. The tragedy was compounded by the particularly brutal manner in which she died. A team of medical professionals investigated her demise, but it was difficult for them to agree on a cause of death. As far as they could tell, poor Lara tripped, fell down a ravine and shattered multiple bones in her legs, back and arms. She was trapped there, unable to move, without supplies and exposed to the elements. She suffered for several excruciating days from her injuries, but they were not her only problems. Having been immobilized by the broken bones, she made for easy prey. The thousands of tiny bite marks on her flesh indicated that she was powerless to stop the ants and other insects that swarmed over her. Larger scavenger animals tore at her flesh while she was still alive as well. Most of the doctors who examined her body eventually agreed that the coup de grâce had likely been delivered by the mountain lion that ripped off her face. Her death was a great loss, and we will never forget her sacrifice.

My loyal Nazi followers and I were shocked by the loss of Lara, but we still had a job to do. As I write this, we have taken the first steps to rebuilding civilization. While other cities were closer, we made the short trip to Illinois in order to settle down in our new capital city. Starside certainly has a lot of history. It seemed fitting that the city should be the new center of my power. Most of my people are disposing of the rotting zombie corpses and making the city livable. I have also sent out small teams on long range missions in order to make contact with the other groups of Nazi loyalists. The lack of communications with the other secure locations is disconcerting, but I am sure there is nothing to worry about. The rumors spreading around Starside are merely the results of frayed nerves and overactive imaginations. As I have told my supporters many times, there is no evidence that any of the teams we sent out have mysteriously disappeared. Sure some of them should have reported back by now, but that is hardly any cause for alarm. When you are trying to rebuild civilization from scratch, there are bound to be a few hiccups. Everything will settle down soon. Together, we will create a new empire that will last for far longer than 1000 years.

Well, I hope you all enjoyed reading Dark Moonlighting 5: Triumph of the Will. That was not what Nick called it, of course, but it has a much nicer ring to it than his original title. This book will forever stand as a monument to one of our movement’s greatest heroes. I would not be here today if not for him. I dedicate this book to Nick Whittier, the unwitting champion of National Socialism.