Brandt decided to go after Cade once a neutral thirty minutes had passed. He’d thought maybe she needed some quiet and privacy, but the house made him nervous, despite the uncommon comforts it offered. He didn’t want to leave the woman alone in it any longer than necessary. He picked up both their rifles from the coffee table—it was a testament to Cade’s anger that the Israeli woman had left her beloved rifle on the table an entire floor below her—and slung hers over his shoulder by the strap.
“I’ll see you guys in the morning,” Brandt said to Theo and Avi. Gray was nowhere to be seen; Brandt vaguely remembered the young man saying he was going to go keep watch on the roof. Only moderately comforted by Gray’s presence on the roof, Brandt mounted the stairs slowly. He didn’t understand why he felt he was in the middle of a battlefield, but his heart raced as he reached the top of the stairs and looked around. He was concerned about what he’d find as he searched for the room Cade had staked out.
The hallway was dark—they’d quickly decided to leave off whatever lights weren’t necessary—and Brandt could make out a faint line of light coming from underneath a door. He moved in that direction, pausing just outside of it. He dropped his rifle to his side—he had no idea why he’d raised it as if expecting danger—and hesitated before tapping his knuckles on the wooden door.
“Who is it?” Cade called out. Her voice sounded weary to Brandt’s ears. He frowned in concern and stepped closer to the door.
“It’s just me. Can I come in?”
A rustle and a couple of thuds on the other side of the door greeted his request, and Brandt stepped back as Cade pulled the door open. She was framed by the soft yellow light from the lone lamp she’d turned on, and she’d stripped down to her jeans and the white tank top she always wore under her shirts. She was, unusually, barefoot. “Hey,” she greeted, motioning for Brandt to enter. “You need something?”
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” Brandt said lamely as he stepped inside. She’d claimed what appeared to be a very tastefully decorated master bedroom. Brandt was impressed. It was obvious the man who’d lived there had a decent amount of money. Brandt took Cade’s rifle off his shoulder and set it carefully on the table by the bed before he turned to look at her. She moved back across the room to the connected bathroom without looking back at him in return.
“Yeah, I’m okay. I just … I don’t know.” Cade let out a heavy sigh that echoed off the bathroom’s tiles. “Stressed, I guess.” The sound of running water accompanied her words, and Brandt hesitated before going to the bathroom door. Cade stood at the sink, water running over the flannel shirt she held under the faucet; she rubbed the fabric against itself in an attempt to scrub off the dried dirt and mud.
“I thought we didn’t have any water pressure,” Brandt said, leaning against the doorframe and watching her for a moment.
“I think you were right about the air in the pipes,” Cade replied. “I turned the sink on full blast for a while, and water started to come out like it’s supposed to. Nothing I’d be willing to drink, but it’ll do for cleaning up with. Maybe even a shower later.”
Brandt gave Cade a smile and crossed his arms, watching as she washed her shirt in the sink, the water running darkly into the basin. “You’re going to have a problem if we have to move suddenly,” he warned her. “Especially if your clothes are all wet.”
Cade laughed and shook her head. “I’ll be fine. I’ll just steal some of yours,” she joked, giving Brandt a smile and motioning to her shoulder bag. It sat on the counter nearby, a few damp spots still showing on the canvas. “I’ve got a couple of other shirts in my bag anyway. I always keep a couple of extras in it just in case.”
Silence fell between them as Cade continued to clean her shirt. She finally wrung it out and shook it loose before draping it over the shower curtain rod. Brandt watched the movement of the lean muscles in her arms as she stretched to hang the shirt over the bar, and he sighed softly.
“Do you think we would have ever met if the Michaluk Virus hadn’t broken out?” Brandt asked suddenly, shifting his eyes from her arms to her face. Cade glanced at him before returning her attention to her bag. Her dark hair blocked his view of half her face, and his fingers itched with the need to push it out of the way.
“I doubt it,” Cade said, speaking into the bag as she rummaged inside it. “I mean, I was in Memphis and you were in Atlanta. I doubt I’d have left Memphis if I didn’t have to, you know?”
Brandt let out a soft breath. “True,” he agreed, giving her a small smile. “That’s at least the one little thing I have to thank it for, I suppose. Though it’s probably the only good thing to ever come of it.”
Cade nodded and looked up at him for a few moments. Brandt stared back at her, trying to decide if he should do what his gut demanded and step forward to take her in his arms. But then she turned her eyes away and spoke again, casually. “So what’s the plan for tomorrow? Or did you and Ethan ever agree on one?”
And just like that, the moment between them was broken.
Brandt cleared his throat. “We’re going whatever way I say we’re going,” he said confidently. “I think I managed to convince him to let me handle this part of the trip. I know this area better than he does.”
“Do you think we’ll get there soon?”
“Maybe. Probably late tomorrow or the day after,” Brandt said, moving back into the bedroom. He picked his rifle back up and sat on the bench at the end of the bed, resting the rifle across his thighs. “Assuming we don’t run into any trouble, anyway,” he added.
Cade followed Brandt into the room and flopped onto the bed, sprawling out with a heavy sigh. “And if we do?”
“Then we send up a prayer and pull the trigger,” Brandt said simply. Cade let out a soft sound, and Brandt twisted around to look at her. His eyebrows went up as he saw her lying on her back, her feet braced flat on the bed, both hands covering her face. Her elbows jutted into the air. She looked like she was upset about something. Brandt frowned and tugged gently at her ankle. “Hey, hey are you okay?” he asked, keeping his voice low as he sat up straighter and watched her closely.
“Yeah,” Cade said, her voice hushed. “Yeah. No. I don’t know.” She fell silent, and Brandt continued to hold her ankle in his hand, loosely, feeling the small bones underneath her skin. He rubbed his thumb over the knot on the outside of her ankle, tracing circles over the soft skin. “I feel like shit,” Cade admitted, sliding her legs to lie flat and limp on the bed. “Like absolute, total shit.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?” Brandt offered. He shifted to his knees on the small padded bench, watching her in concern. “I’m willing to listen, if you want to talk about it. You know I will.”
“I know,” Cade said quietly. She didn’t lower her hands from her face, and Brandt frowned, crawling up onto the bed, making his way on his hands and knees to kneel beside her instead. He gently touched one of her elbows, running his fingers along her skin again, down to her shoulder.
“Talk to me,” Brandt requested, massaging her shoulder. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”
“Why?” Cade asked. She shook her head and dug her fingers into her thick hair, twisting the strands at the crown of her head around her fingers.
“Because I want to help. Because I care.” Brandt slid his hand to Cade’s wrist and tried to pull her hand from her face. “Come on. Don’t hide from me, okay? You promised you’d be honest with me, remember? You can tell me this kind of shit.”
Cade shook her head again, the motion just barely perceptible, but she allowed Brandt to pull her hands away from her face. Brandt wasn’t surprised that her face was flushed and her eyes watery with tears; she blinked rapidly in the light from the lamp by the bed. “I’m sorry,” Cade said. “I just … I’m really … I think it’s all starting to hit me.”
“What is, Cade?” Brandt asked, taking both of her hands in his and holding them. He rubbed his thumbs over her knuckles, trying to reassure and comfort her.
Cade dislodged a hand long enough to wave it vaguely at the ceiling before she pressed it back into Brandt’s grip. “All of this. All of the bad shit that’s happened.”
“You mean with Nikola?”
“Nikola. Josie. Andrew. Anna. The whole fucking world. All of it.” She let out a sad, shaky laugh, shifting her eyes from Brandt and staring blankly at the wall. “It’s all just too fucking much to deal with. I’ve spent too much time bottling all this shit up. I haven’t been able to sleep much in the past year, and I’m just … I’m tired of it all.” She let out a soft, choked sob and murmured, “Why do we have to live like this, Brandt?”
Brandt processed Cade’s words with the utmost care and consideration, trying to decide the best thing to say. But he came up empty. There wasn’t anything to be said to make Cade feel better. The whole world was shit, and there was no way to explain that away or make her feel better about it. “I don’t know, Cade,” Brandt finally admitted, feeling helpless. “I really don’t. I wish I did. I wish I knew what to say, but I don’t.”
“You’ve lost people too, right?” Cade asked. “You know how much it hurts. How awful it feels knowing what you have to do and that you have no way out of it.”
“But I didn’t lose them the way you did,” Brandt admitted. “I didn’t have to face the prospect of killing them myself. Not people I knew. Fuck, I got off easy compared to the rest of you. Theo and Gray haven’t had to deal with it, and I don’t know about Avi, but you and Remy and Ethan? God, I wouldn’t ever want to do what you had to do. I don’t know that I could. I don’t know if I’d be able to put one of you guys down, not if it came to that. I care too fucking much. I’ve let myself get too close and personal with all of you. That’ll just make it harder when the time comes.”
Cade and Brandt both fell silent for a long while. Cade spent the time simply lying still, her hands in Brandt’s, clutching his fingers desperately as if she were about to fall off a cliff and he was her only salvation. He held hers just as tightly in return, lifting them to his mouth and pressing soft kisses to her skin, first to the backs of her hands, then to her palms, and finally to the insides of her wrists. It was only after he lowered her hands again that she spoke once more.
“I just miss her. So much,” Cade murmured. “God, she was just a little girl, Brandt. Four fucking years old. She didn’t even really get a chance to live before it all went to shit. I don’t even know if her mother knows she’s dead. I don’t even know if her mother, if my sister is even still alive.”
“What does your heart tell you?” Brandt asked, sliding down to lie beside her. He rested a palm against her flat stomach, feeling his hand rise and fall with each breath. “What’s it say down here in your gut?” he asked, rubbing his fingers lightly against her stomach.
“It tells me that, considering the virus went worldwide well over seven months ago, the chance of Lindsey still being alive is slim to none,” Cade admitted. “It tells me that I shouldn’t get my hopes up for her survival, because she doesn’t have the skill set I do to live in a world like this. That if she did survive, I’ll probably never get the chance to talk to her again, never mind see her, so she might as well be dead.”
Brandt shook his head. “Cade, that’s what your head is telling you. What does your heart say?”
Cade hesitated, and she dropped a hand to rest on top of Brandt’s, slipping her fingers between his. “My heart tells me there’s always hope,” she said quietly.
“Exactly,” Brandt said. He slid farther up the bed to put his face on level with Cade’s, brushing his fingers against her cheek. “There is always hope, Cade. There’s always hope for all of us to make it out of this shit alive, for your sister to make it out of this shit alive. Maybe even one day for you two to see each other again.” Brandt smiled slightly and twisted his fingers into Cade’s dark hair. “And if not, then hell, you’ve got me, right? I’ll take care of you.”
Cade snorted, suppressing a small laugh. “Oh fuck that. If either of us is going to need taking care of, it’s you, not me. I can take care of myself just fine.”
“And you know what? I totally believe that,” Brandt agreed with a laugh of his own. He pulled Cade close then, wrapping his arm firmly around her slender waist and pressing a light kiss against the corner of her mouth. “You feel any better?”
“A little,” Cade admitted. She shifted against Brandt and gave him a slight smile, clearly a bit uncomfortable at his closeness, but she didn’t seem inclined to push him away either. “You know what would make me feel so much better, though?”
“What?”
Cade nodded toward the bathroom door. “A shower? Even a cold one will make me feel that much more human again.”
Brandt grinned. “You know, I bet I can arrange that,” he said, pleased that he’d finally found something he could do to help her. “Hell, give me a few, and I bet I could arrange a hot shower for you.”
“A man after my heart,” Cade said with a luxurious sigh.
“Oh, you better believe it.”