Main Points:
Precision—A review of the most important points of each of the “S’s”
Practice—Why you must practice to excel at the Cuddle
As you know by now, the most successful baby-calming techniques handed down for centuries are based on the 5 “S’s.” However, if you haven’t yet been successful at soothing your baby in minutes using the 5 “S’s,” don’t lose heart. You can still learn how to guide your unhappy baby from tears to baby bliss using these methods.
To make no mistake is not in the power of man; but from their errors and mistakes the wise and good learn wisdom for the future.
Plutarch
Any one of the 5 “S’s” can have a comforting effect on mildly fussy babies. However, for real explosive, colicky kids, a little swaddling or shushing may not make a dent. Here are reasons why your “S’s” might not have succeeded in calming your crying baby:
1. She’s having a little problem—Your baby may be hungry or struggling with a poop. Fortunately, these problems are usually obvious and easy to resolve without the “S’s.”
2. She’s having a big problem—Approximately ten to fifteen percent of colicky babies have a medical explanation for their irritability, such as food intolerance or stomach acid reflux. (See Appendix A to review the medical causes of colic and Chapter 14 to review the treatment for many of those problems.)
3. The “S’s” are being done one at a time—The more powerfully a baby is wailing the more she will need the help of several “S’s” simultaneously.
4. The “S’s” aren’t being done correctly—As with any reflex, if it’s not triggered in exactly the right way it just won’t happen.
This chapter focuses on perfectly combining the 5 “S’s” into the Cuddle Cure and reviews the common mistakes parents make as they begin to learn the “S’s.”
Nina and Dimitri were dismayed that their champion cryer, Lexi, got more enraged when they tried to calm her with the sounds of the hair dryer or the infant swing. However, when they used the hair dryer and swing together, they worked like a charm.
Someone once said, “There’s a sucker born every minute.” Well, when it comes to babies that’s especially true. In fact, thousands of suckers, swingers, and even shhhhers come into the world every day! Just as babies have different hair color and temperament, each infant differs slightly in the way he needs to be calmed. Some settle best with rocking, others quiet instantly with white noise, and some surrender as soon as they’re put on their stomachs. These easy babies require the help of only one of the “S’s” to make them feel calm and serene.
Cranky infants, however, need more help. They often require two, three, or four of the “S’s” done together to cease their cycle of screaming. And the fussiest, most colicky babies demand all 5 “S’s” simultaneously.
Getting Acquainted: An Experiment in Soothing Your Baby
To find your baby’s favorite calming technique, place him on his back when he’s a little bit fussy. One by one, add another “S” and see how many it takes to settle him down.
1. Shhhh him softly. If that doesn’t work, do it louder, right in his ear.
2. Swaddle his arms to keep them from flailing. Do that while shhhhing.
3. Place your wrapped baby on his side or stomach and shush him again.
4. Now add a quick, jiggly motion.
5. Finally, on top of all of these, offer a pacifier or your finger to suck on.
By this time, most fussy babies will usually be calmed.
On a plane from New York to Los Angeles, I watched an elderly woman calm a baby with such precise, elegant moves that I imagined I was witnessing an ancient ballet.
In mid-flight, this infant suddenly erupted into crying. After a few piercing wails, the frail grandmother picked up her frantic traveling companion and began a symphony of responses. She nestled the little girl’s stomach against her shoulder, made a continuous shhhh sound in the baby’s ear, rhythmically thumped her bottom, and swayed her torso side to side like a snake working its way uphill.
In less than a minute her tiny bundle was sound asleep.
It’s tempting to believe that someone who’s good at calming babies has “the gift,” but that’s not the case. Soothing young infants has nothing to do with special talents. It has everything to do with understanding why babies cry and learning and practicing the skills to soothe them.
Most parents automatically rock and embrace their crying babies, but sometimes that’s not enough. The Cuddle Cure combines all 5 “S’s” into a technique so powerful it turns on the calming reflex in even the fussiest babies.
Mothers in many cultures around the world use variations of the Cuddle. In Tanzania, some women soothe crying babies by cuddling them while they pretend to grind corn! They vigorously bend and straighten and hum rough, grinding noises until the baby settles.
If the Cuddle is like an ancient cake recipe, with the ingredients being the 5 “S’s,” most baby books are unfortunately like incomplete cookbooks. They list the 5 “S’s” but don’t mention exactly how to do them or how to mix them together.
Without instructions on how to mix the ingredients for a cake, you’re more likely to end up with warm goop than a wonderful dessert. And, without instructions detailing how to do each “S” and how to mix them together, it’s easy for parents to end up with a more fussy baby rather than a perfectly calmed one!
And, once the Cuddle has helped you stop your baby’s screams, that’s not the end of it. The Cuddle is also a valuable tool for keeping your baby calm after you soothe his crying.
After your little one falls asleep in your arms, you may not be able to put him down and walk away. He may be very relaxed, but he’s not in a coma. Deep within their brains, snoozing babies are still aware of the world around them. That’s why abruptly stopping the hypnotic rhythms of the Cuddle may make a baby explode back into tears even from what appears to be a sound sleep.
Fortunately, the Cuddle is perfect for keeping your baby calm after you’ve quelled his cries. Your colicky baby may stay happy for hours as long as he feels like he’s still safely packaged in the womb (swaddled, swinging, and with loud white noise playing close by). If your baby suddenly starts thrashing again, simply picking up the tempo should help regain his attention so you can lead him back to serenity.
Although the Cuddle works better than anything else for calming colic, it may not feel natural at first. Many new parents find it’s like riding a bicycle; it initially seems complicated and intimidating. Some parents give up after a few tries, thinking, This may work for some kids but our baby hates it.
I certainly understand this frustration. It’s excruciating to try to quiet your baby’s shrieking when everything you do seems to make it worse. But, like riding a bicycle, once you get the hang of doing the Cuddle it’s really a lot of fun. Soon you’ll feel like you’ve been doing it your entire life.
And if the Cuddle isn’t working perfectly, it’s probably just because you need a little technique tuneup. The most common reason this ancient method fails is because it’s not being done properly. In fact, incorrect swaddling, swinging, and shushing may even make your crying baby more upset! So, like the song says, “If you’re gonna do it, do it right, right.”
Let’s recap the important pointers to get each of your “S’s” in gear:
Parents often abandon swaddling because their babies strain against it. They misinterpret this struggling to mean, “Let me out. I hate this. It’s unfair!” But please don’t give up on this crucial first step. To be successful with wrapping, you must:
Remember, swaddling is not meant to calm your baby! Its purpose is to stop his flailing and to help him pay attention to the other “S’s,” which will soothe him.
Lying on the back is fine when your baby is calm. But if he’s sensitive, being rolled toward the back may upset the position sensors in his head and trigger a “red alert,” making his crying even worse.
The shhhh sound is easy to make, and most parents find it natural to do—softly. Therein lies the problem: Most parents shhhh too quietly and too far from their baby’s ear.
Gentle swinging may keep a quiet baby content, but it’s much too mild for screaming babies. The most important tips for successful swinging are:
Jake’s father, Jimmy, told me he tried the Cuddle, but it wouldn’t work. I reviewed each step of his technique and discovered he was doing almost everything right, except his swinging was too wide. Rather than sliding his knees an inch from side to side, he was going twelve inches with each move. These wide swings didn’t get Jake’s head jiggling enough. Once he made the motion fast and short, the swinging calmed Jake almost every time.
Sucking is usually the easiest “S” to get right. But if your baby rejects the pacifier, here’s how to change his mind:
If at first you don’t succeed—you’re running about average.
M. H. Alderson
Remember, this technique has worked for millions of years, so even if it doesn’t work perfectly the first few times you try it, you’ll definitely get the hang of it if you keep practicing. (In the beginning, it’s best to practice this technique with a doll or when you and your baby are calm. It’s harder to learn when you’re exhausted and your little angel is making noises that could shatter glass.)
Parents aren’t the only ones who improve with practice. As you get better, your baby is getting better too. Bit by bit, he’ll learn to recognize what you’re doing—and that he likes it.
Patience is especially important if you’re starting these techniques when your baby is already six to eight weeks old. It may take several tries for you to learn them and then several more tries for your baby to unlearn his prior experiences and begin to get used to the 5 “S’s.” However, if you persevere you can still be one hundred percent successful!