“Your children are not your children. They are the sons
and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.”
Kahlil Gibran
Like most married couples, Barbara and Alex assumed that children would be a part of their lives. Although Barbara’s menstrual cycles had been occasionally irregular, she never considered that she would have trouble getting pregnant when she was ready to have children.
After trying unsuccessfully to conceive for a year, Barbara and Alex went to an infertility clinic for evaluation. A complete examination failed to identify a problem with either Barbara or Alex. They were recommended to chart her monthly cycles and have sex only on peak ovulation days.
Making a baby soon became a job. The pressure of having sex on specific days, the hope turning to despair every month when Barbara’s period arrived, and the mounting sense of frustration, failure, and self-doubt began to erode their marriage and Alex moved out of the house.
After a three-month trial separation, they met for a romantic reconciliation weekend in Sedona. Three weeks later, Barbara’s urine tested positive on a home pregnancy test.
The impulse to reproduce ourselves is structured within our genes. After meeting our needs for air, water, and food, the desire to procreate is probably the next to arise. Biologists will tell us that the essential purpose of life is to pass our genetic inheritance down to the next generation. With the instinct to have children so intrinsically hardwired into our minds and bodies, it is easy to understand that when a couple that desires offspring has problems with fertility, it can be agonizing to body, mind, and soul. Although difficulty having children usually has a physical basis, there is increasing recognition that stress can contribute to as well as result from infertility.
Conceiving, carrying, and giving birth to a baby involve all aspects of our physiology, but the mind, the brain, and the endocrine system are especially important. The close relationship that exists among these three elements has a profound impact on the reproductive capacities of both men and women.
It is estimated that almost ten million couples in the United States have a problem with fertility. In almost 500,000 couples, a thorough evaluation fails to reveal any “organic” cause for infertility. These cases are sometimes labeled unexplained infertility and are the most likely to benefit from mind body approaches.
We have spoken earlier of the hypothalamus and its influence on the emotions. It is closely connected with the limbic system, which is involved in our basic life-sustaining behaviors including feeding, fighting, fleeing, and sexual attraction. The hypothalamus is most concerned with visceral, involuntary, and hormonal functions and is intimately tied into our moods and feelings. Nerve cells in both the limbic system and the hypothalamus not only have an influence on the regulation of sex hormones involved in reproduction but also have been shown to have a high concentration of receptors for these hormones.1 Thus, these parts of the brain modulate reproductive hormones and are also sensitive to their feedback.
The pituitary gland lies below the hypothalamus at the base of the brain, where it receives chemical messengers that regulate the release of the hormones important in fertility. The chemical messengers from the hypothalamus govern the release of two main reproductive hormones from the pituitary—follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) and luteinizing hormone (LH). In women, these chemicals are responsible for the maturation of the ovum and the preparation of the uterus for implantation after fertilization occurs. In men, these hormones regulate the production of sperm and the release of the male hormone testosterone. FSH is secreted in increasing amounts during the first two weeks of the menstrual cycle, where it functions to stimulate maturity of the ovum. Around midcycle, LH appears in greater concentrations, which stimulates the ovary to release the mature egg into the fallopian tube. This process of ovulation depends not just on the right amounts of the various hormones, but also on their rising and falling in a very delicate, precisely coordinated sequence.
Many kinds of stress can disrupt hormonal communication between the brain, the pituitary, and the ovary, interfering with both the maturation of an egg and the ovulation process. The neurochemical changes that occur when we are under stress can alter the ordered release of hormones that regulate the maturation and release of an egg. Concentrations of many of our important chemical messengers involved in reproduction (norepinephrine, epinephrine, dopamine, prolactin, and the endorphins) have all been shown to change under different emotional states.2 Direct links also exist between the brain and the reproductive tract, with nerve fibers directly connecting with both the fallopian tubes and the uterus.3 Both the sympathetic and parasympathetic branches of the autonomic nervous system influence the ovary’s ability to produce healthy eggs and hormones.4 For example, when a woman is under stress, spasms occur in both the fallopian tubes and the uterus, which can interfere with movement and implantation of a fertilized egg.5
STRESS AND FERTILITY
Infertility may result from altered regulation of pituitary hormones, or from abnormal nervous-system influences on the ovaries and fallopian tubes. Stress can make us less fertile, and the resultant failure to conceive can create further stress, resulting in a vicious cycle. Women who are unable to conceive often experience a loss of self-esteem, depression, anger, and anxiety over disappointing their partner; men may begin to feel guilty, resulting in relationship problems and reduced sexual activity.6 Sexual enjoyment often diminishes, as the focus becomes making a baby instead of making love. All of this reinforces the cycle of stress and infertility.
Both physical and emotional stress have been reported to influence male fertility. Sperm counts, motility, and structure can all be altered under stress.7,8,9 In addition, other problems including impotence and difficulties with ejaculation have all been associated with emotional distress in men.10
In both men and women under stress, sleep cycles are commonly disturbed. Sleep deprivation and insomnia have been shown to alter the daily rhythms of several hormones involved in reproduction and fertility.11 The sleep disturbances associated with stressful events may also contribute to infertility.
Our thoughts are powerful. Studies have shown that just our expectations of how good a parent we will be can influence fertility.12 Women who have doubts about their ability to be good mothers have more difficulty getting pregnant than those who can imagine themselves as good mothers. If you are a man and are fearful or apprehensive about having a child, you may be less likely to father one.
Science has not expended a lot of effort looking into the possibility that stress-reducing programs may influence fertility. What we know to date is that in couples with unexplained infertility, programs to reduce anxiety improve the rate of pregnancy. In an early report, over 50 percent of couples learning to relax became pregnant over three months versus none of the controls.13
Stress-management programs can reduce depression, anxiety, anger, and fatigue, all of which are commonly part of the lives of people struggling with infertility.14 It seems that as these negative emotions diminish, the chance of becoming pregnant increases.
Feelings of social isolation can be a sad side effect of infertility. Support groups can be helpful in establishing a sense of community with other people who understand the anguish of not being able to have children. Couples who attend support groups feel less depressed, anxious, and hostile and find themselves less obsessive about childbearing.15 And, in what seems to be a common theme in mind body medicine research, improving quality of life leads to an improvement in the underlying problem. A University of Massachusetts Medical School study showed that 71 percent of infertile couples participating in support groups conceived versus 25 percent for those who did not participate.16
Stress-management programs are not the cure for infertility, but mind body approaches focusing on decreasing anxiety and increasing relaxation can be cost-effective ways to help couples with unexplained infertility. Reducing stress through the restful-alertness response may help normalize menstrual cycles, improve the health of both egg and sperm, and increase the likelihood of fertilization and implantation. In addition, helping couples to reduce their stress will improve the quality of their relationships and their lives.
There is a positive correlation between birth defects and unwanted pregnancies. Women who want to have an abortion but are denied have a higher rate of babies born with abnormalities.17 A sad but fascinating study from Scandinavia showed that the offspring of women who are widowed during pregnancy have more health and behavior problems as adults than those whose fathers died shortly after their birth.18 The severe stress experienced during pregnancy by the mom is experienced and metabolized by the fetus, resulting in real difficulties later in life.
According to Ayurveda, consciousness arrives early in fetal development and the ability to perceive changes in the environment is present long before birth. Western science is learning that we are amazingly capable of perception while we are developing in our watery wombs.19,20
• Hearing: The first indication of a developing acoustic apparatus is seen in human embryos as soon as twenty-two days of development. By the seventh week, the precursors of the three small middle-ear bones are fairly well developed.
• Vestibular: The organs to perceive changes in position begin to differentiate by the fifth week and are fairly well developed by the fourteenth week.
• Touch: Spinal and peripheral sensory nerves capable of responding to pressure, pain, and temperature are present by the seventh week of fetal development.
• Sight: The lens, retina, and optic nerves are present by six weeks. The visual apparatus is well developed by eight weeks.
• Taste: Taste buds are present by eight weeks and appear developmentally mature by twelve weeks of gestation.
• Smell: The olfactory components appear by six weeks. Smell receptors and nerves are present by ten weeks.
In the Gospel According to Saint Luke (1:44), Elizabeth exclaims to Mary, “The moment that the sound of your greeting came to my ears, the babe in my womb leaped for joy.” Many studies have shown that we can and do perceive sounds while in the womb. As a fetus, we will adapt to a specific sound after just a few trials.21 If you play a beautiful piece of music by Debussy at a time when a mother feels relaxed, playing the same piece at other times can soothe an agitated infant.22 Similarly, we do not appreciate loud sounds when we are in the womb. For example, it has been shown that pregnant women living close to an airport have lower levels of growth-promoting hormones and smaller newborns compared to a control group.23,24
These scientific reports support the Ayurvedic position that the baby hears the many sounds of the mother’s body—her heartbeat, her voice, and even the sounds that the mother herself hears. On some level, all the sounds that the mother perceives are also heard by the baby. Beyond helping to develop our hearing apparatus, sounds are important in creating the nerve networks of our developing brains.
The sound of our mother’s heartbeat is a constant accompaniment throughout our stay in the womb, and we remember how changes in this beating correlate with our sensations. If after birth, infants are provided with a recording of heart sounds at 72 beats per minute, they become calm and relaxed. If, on the other hand, a recording of a heart rate of 120 beats per minute is played, newborns become restless and agitated. We learn in utero to associate a rapid heartbeat in Mother with discomfort and distress.
Amazing studies in animals are relevant. Unhatched chicks can hear and respond to the sounds of the mother hen and distinguish their mom from others.25 If recordings of the mother bird are played to an unhatched chick, there is an increase in mouth movements; if, however, calls of another bird are played, the unhatched chick shows a rise in heart rate, suggesting the perception of stress. During normal development, a bird embryo hears sounds in its environment that allow its brain to recognize bird calls after birth. If those sounds are not present at the earliest stages of development, there is an abnormal response to them later.
Sounds also enhance the synchronicity of hatching.26 One might expect the various eggs in a brood to hatch over a period of hours or even days, but in fact, eggs kept together in a nest under natural conditions all hatch at about the same time. Eggs kept separated in incubators, however, show a much wider spread of hatch times. Sounds made by chicks preparing to hatch are heard by their siblings while still in the egg, resulting in synchronization. The ability to arrive and stay together confers an evolutionary advantage, by allowing them to huddle together for warmth in the cool night air and perhaps by confusing predators with their random, jerky movements. Hearing how conscious of their environment even unborn birds are makes it harder to enjoy an omelet!
Human intrauterine life enjoys a full range of sensory experiences, and these experiences can have an effect on childhood development. The unborn child is capable of perceiving its mother’s voice, responding to music, perhaps even discriminating languages.27 The possibilities of enriching the prenatal life of a child are unlimited. The nickname a mother calls her unborn child, the music she listens to, the language she speaks, even the fairy tales she reads may all be influencing the personality of the developing child. The remarkable abilities of a fetus need to be recognized and acknowledged by every potential parent.28
Just eight weeks after conception, we move in fairly sophisticated ways in response to prodding.29 By the time we are only a half-inch in length, we show fairly complex movements alternating with periods of rest.30 By about twelve weeks we show primitive facial movement, and by sixteen weeks we can grimace, smile, and squint. At twenty-four weeks we respond to minor changes in sound, and have already developed a surprisingly sophisticated sensitivity to taste. Our swallowing rate increases if a sweet solution is placed in the amniotic fluid and decreases if an unpleasant-tasting substance, such as iodine, is given.31 With modern ultrasound, a fetus can actually be seen to grimace if something doesn’t taste very good.
Even though our eyes remain closed, as a fetus we will show a response to bright light as early as the sixteenth week in utero. Our heart rate speeds up and we will turn our head away from the light.32 At twenty-eight weeks, our neuronal circuits are fairly well developed, brain waves can be recorded, and we are going through some primitive sleeping and waking cycles.33
Our fetal ability to perceive the environment has profound implications. If, as a result of stress, the mother releases hormones that cross the placental barrier, the fetus experiences the same physiological effects that its mother is undergoing. If the mother is a smoker, an unborn baby’s heart rate will react when she inhales the nicotine, and eventually, even just showing a cigarette to the mother results in the same effect on the fetal heart.34 The fetus anticipates the toxic experience about to occur. From a mind body perspective, we could say that a mother’s internal dialogue influences the release of circulating hormones, which cause changes in both mother’s and baby’s physiology.
I believe that the environment provided for our unborn children is as important as the one after they are born. Acknowledging that the womb is potentially rich with experiences, we at The Chopra Center for Well Being have developed a prenatal program for creating the most nourishing possible intrauterine environment. Mothers participating in the program are encouraged to:
• Learn and practice primordial sound meditation, to elicit the restful-alertness response.
• Listen to beautiful, soothing instrumental music, lullabies, and chanting.
• Choose and use a nickname for the unborn child.
• Read aloud poetry, fairy tales, and myths that express the highest values of human culture.
• Practice yoga postures and breathing exercises specific to pregnancy to create physical flexibility and vitality.
• Perform a daily Ayurvedic massage, which stimulates the release of life-enhancing peptides and growth factors.
• Eat a balanced, prana-rich diet with full awareness.
• Use natural approaches to cope with common pregnancy concerns: ginger for morning sickness, yoga for back discomfort, warm milk with cardamom and nutmeg for insomnia, massage for swollen feet.
• Learn healthy ways to communicate with their partners so the unborn child perceives the world as a safe and nurturing place.
Diet during pregnancy should focus on Kapha-enhancing foods, which should be as nourishing and as fresh as possible. Dairy products and calcium-rich foods should be especially encouraged. Because the mother is providing the substrates for the development of her child’s body, Kapha foods rich in carbohydrates and protein are extremely important. Sweet tastes should be favored, but all six tastes should be part of each meal. To ensure smooth elimination, plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables should be eaten, and about two weeks before delivery the mother should begin adding extra oil to her diet to increase the level of oleation in the system.
Because digestion often becomes delicate, particularly during the later months of pregnancy, follow the Body Intelligence Techniques. The pregnant mom should always eat in a settled environment and honor her appetite, maintaining her awareness that she is feeding her child when she is feeding herself.
Although Ayurveda does not generally encourage vitamins, an expectant mother should rigorously follow all recommendations from her health-care provider, particularly in regard to the need for additional folic acid.
For the delivery itself, Ayurveda advocates performing a soothing genital massage with sesame, almond, olive, or coconut oil beginning about four weeks before the anticipated birth. This softens the tissues around the vaginal opening, and Ayurvedic physicians in India report a reduction in episiotomies and vaginal tears.
During the birthing process, we recommend breathing exercises based on yogic principles. At the onset of each contraction a deep and slow cleansing breath is taken in and released through the nose. During mild-to-moderate contractions, paced rhythmic breathing is encouraged. During the intense contractions of transition, when the cervix is completing its dilation, a blowing breath is used. This involves forcefully exhaling through the lips as if blowing out a candle.
The use of music, massage, pictures, and pleasing scents are encouraged during delivery to engage the senses and focus Mom’s attention. The birth partner is essential, serving to ground the mother, pace her in the breathing exercises, and provide the much-needed support.
We recommend that immediately after birth the newborn infant be placed on the mother’s chest, where the familiar heartbeat can be heard. The lights should not be overly bright and the sounds should be soothing. If possible, playing the lullabies or chants that were played during the pregnancy is ideal. Over the next several days, a gentle, warm oil massage on the baby will provide comfort and promote growth. We recommend the use of natural nut or seed oils rather than those that are mineral based. Almond or coconut are usually well tolerated by the newborn’s gentle skin.
Ayurvedic approaches during the postpartum period can reduce the likelihood of depression, which is often related to interrupted sleep; the stressful experience of being a new mother; and the sudden fall in brain opioids and other hormones, which occurs soon after giving birth. Naturally occurring pain-relieving chemicals can be increased through massage, exercise, and meditation. A healthy social-support network is also crucial. If the mother is nourished on all levels, she will be able to provide the best nourishment for her infant.
It is particularly important to follow a Vata-pacifying program for at least the first six weeks after delivery, for the process of giving birth is imbalancing to the component of Vata (Apana) that is responsible for moving the baby through the birth canal. To the extent possible, mothers should attempt to get enough rest, eat a balanced meal, take time to meditate, and perform a daily oil massage. Meditating while breast feeding can be beneficial for both mother and child. By following an Ayurvedically balanced diet, the mother can ensure that her breast milk provides optimal nourishment for the growing baby.
A healthy environment uses all the sensory modalities—sound, touch, sight, taste, and smell—to provide nourishment for newborn children. We want to ensure that their transition into the world is secure and nurturing and starts them off on the smoothest path toward realizing their full potential.
Our genetic information, coded in our DNA, carries the memories of millions of years of evolutionary experience. Living beings are created from the information wrapped in the patterns of our genes. One of nature’s prime forces is the impulse to continue the life cycle by passing the biological intelligence on to the next generation. Human beings have the longest child-rearing period of any species, and for most couples, having children and raising a family is a primary reason for making a commitment to a relationship.
When a couple who wants to raise a family has difficulty conceiving a child, their anxieties and fears over their potential loss are reflected in physiological responses that potentiate their problems of fertility. To the extent that infertility concerns are functional, as opposed to anatomic, mind body approaches can be useful in reducing stress and improving the chances for conception.
Once conception has occurred, two localized fields of consciousness share the same psychophysiological system for the nine months of pregnancy. Whatever the mother breathes, baby breathes; whatever mother eats, baby eats; whatever mother experiences, baby experiences. Therefore, during the pregnancy, mother should treat herself with the same love, care, and concern that she will treat her child.
Once the new soul arrives in the world, the nurturing that was provided before and during pregnancy is continued into the neonatal period and beyond. We have the opportunity to create a generation of human beings who express the highest values of life and health by providing them with the knowledge and experience of consciousness as the ground state of existence. For them, the “new paradigm” will be the prevalent worldview. We believe there is a real possibility for creating a positive shift in consciousness on this planet. Magical beginnings create enchanted lives.
When we speak of our own children as separate from someone else’s, we are of course making a very understandable distinction. But it’s also useful to acknowledge the sense in which all children are “ours,” and in which the entire human species is really one enormous family. From this perspective, the route taken to parenthood is much less significant than the love and wisdom we share with the children who come into our care. Adoption, artificial insemination, surrogate motherhood, these are all to be celebrated along with natural conception as perfectly wonderful ways of forming a family. Nature’s deepest intention is that every child who comes into the world should have loving parents, regardless of how those parents are acquired.
1. Treat your unborn child as if she/he were experiencing whatever you are experiencing.
2. Take time for silence each day in meditation and nature.
3. Pay careful attention to your diet, eating nourishing prana-rich food.
4. Perform a daily oil massage. During the month prior to delivery, gently massage the perineal region (area between the vagina and rectum) with sesame, almond, olive, or coconut oil. Work the oil into the tissues and gently stretch the inner opening to the vagina.
5. Choose a nickname for your unborn child and talk to her/him regularly.
6. Listen to beautiful, soothing music. Read stories and poetry that are beautiful and elevating to the soul.
7. Eliminate all toxins (substances, food, air, emotions) from your life.
8. Try fresh ginger root, cloves, or cinnamon to relieve morning sickness.
9. Practice yoga and breathing exercises designed for pregnancy.