HE WASN’T RUNNING AWAY. But Thomas Wolfe was walking away. Temporarily.
He had no intention of not honouring his promise to be in the gallery for Penelope Craig’s surgery but he couldn’t hang around and wait knowing what was happening in Theatre Two right about now.
There were too many people here, as well. Theatre One was being prepared for Penny’s surgery and Theatre Three had just been cleared for a child needing a new kidney. There were retrieval teams here for organs that would be rushed to other parts of the country adding to the congestion.
Thomas needed a space to centre himself. Maybe he needed to convince himself that he was doing the right thing.
That look in Rebecca’s eyes when she’d asked him if he thought that removing himself from her personal life wouldn’t hurt her...
He’d been so sure that it was the right thing to do.
So why did it feel so very wrong?
The rooftop could be a good place to go, although there might be helicopters waiting to transport those precious organs to their destinations as fast as possible. He needed to be careful which route he took to go anywhere, mind you. The media presence inside Paddington’s right now was probably as big as it had been at any time during the whole campaign to save the hospital.
Bigger, even. They had a case that could highlight the importance of this beloved institution with the kind of drama people could lose themselves in. They already had the gripping opening of their story with Penny’s disappearance and the frantic search. They had the tear-jerking reunion of the little girl with her parents and now the nail-biting tension of waiting to hear how the surgery had gone. They also knew who the two doctors were who were most involved in Penny’s case and the last thing Thomas needed right now was to have a microphone or camera shoved in his face by Angela Marton and her colleagues.
His steps slowed as he neared the main doors that closed this floor of operating theatres and recovery areas from the foyer that contained the elevators and stairwells. Would there be cameras as close as right on the other side of those doors? He turned his head, even though he knew there was no other route to take. The only doors on either side of him led to a couple of small rooms that were used for things like meetings. Or for relatives that had been allowed to accompany a patient on the journey to Theatre but might not be able to cope with anything too clinical.
And that was when he saw them.
Ryan’s parents.
They were sitting alone in one of the rooms.
Just sitting.
They were side by side but they weren’t holding hands. They weren’t talking to each other. At this precise moment, they weren’t even looking at each other.
It was the sense of distance between them that hit Thomas so hard.
He knew they were both feeling utterly lost and that they each had to find their own way to start this most difficult of journeys but...
But if he could go back in time he would change the path he had taken.
He knew that this couple had probably asked for privacy after their final farewell of their son but something pushed Thomas to enter their space, uninvited.
To see if there was anything he could do to offer even the smallest amount of support.
They didn’t seem to find his presence an intrusion. Maybe they needed something—anything—to give them a reference point in this bewildering new map of their lives. He pulled a chair out and perched on the edge of it, leaning forward as he spoke to them.
‘This is the hardest part,’ he told them. ‘Taking the first steps into a life that’s changed for ever.’
‘No.’ Peter Walker’s voice was so raw it was painful to hear. ‘The hardest part is knowing that I failed my son.’
It was tempting to break an unwritten rule and reveal something intensely personal but Thomas bit back the words. This wasn’t about him.
Except, in a way, it was. Because he could hear himself saying the same thing. He could hear the echoes of it that had bounced around in his head for the last five years and he could see it inscribed in every brick of the walls he had built around his heart.
Where were those walls right now?
He could feel the pain of these young parents as acutely as if it was his own.
Because it still was his own?
But it was hearing someone who was the image of where he’d been five years ago saying his own destructive mantra aloud that made him realise how wrong it was.
‘You didn’t fail,’ he told Peter. ‘Neither of you did.’
Maybe it was the conviction in his tone that made Julia lift her head from her hands and stare at him with the same expression as her husband. Waiting for him to say something else. Something that might give them a glimmer of comfort?
‘You loved Ryan,’ he said quietly. ‘I know exactly how much you loved him because you’re going through this right now and you’d only be doing this to give the gift of life to other children because you understand how much their parents love them.’
Both Julia and Peter had tears on their cheeks. They had turned to look at each other as Thomas was speaking and now they reached out and took each other’s hands.
‘You understand because that’s how much you loved your little boy,’ Thomas added. ‘And, in the end, that’s what really matters. He was loved. And he will always be loved because that kind of love never dies.’
It could be damaged, though, couldn’t it?
Poisoned by self-blame. By running away and hiding. It could be lost even though it still existed.
‘Help each other.’ Thomas could hear the crack in his own voice and he had to pause for a heartbeat to keep control. ‘You’ve got tough times ahead but you’ll get through them and—if you can help each other—you can be strong enough.’
It was time to leave them alone now. Thomas stood up but there was one more thing he needed to say.
‘Believe that you were the best parents and that Ryan knew how much he was loved. And...’ He had to swallow another lump in his throat. ‘And be proud of what you’re doing right now. Believe me, one day, you’ll know it was exactly the right thing to do.’
Stepping out of the room, Thomas didn’t even look at the doors that would have taken him away from this area.
He knew now, without the slightest shadow of doubt, that there was something else that was exactly the right thing to do.
And he was going to do it.
* * *
It was the last thing Rebecca Scott expected to see.
She surprised herself by even glancing up at the gallery, in fact, because nobody came to watch this kind of surgery. It was hard on everybody and the atmosphere was sombre. Respectful and sad and there were several people in the extensive team in Theatre Two that were openly tearful.
But glance up at the gallery she did.
And there was Thomas.
Standing right behind the glass wall.
His posture told her that he was as sombre as any of them. Probably tearful himself as he grappled with memories that no parent should ever have to experience.
But he was here.
For her?
For himself?
No. As Rebecca stepped in to do her part of Ryan’s last surgery, she knew that it was something bigger that had brought Thomas so close.
He was here for them both.
She couldn’t tell if he was still in the gallery when she walked out of Theatre Two because she was blinded by tears that didn’t stop falling until she’d finished scrubbing in again—this time for Penny’s surgery.
Looking up at the gallery in Theatre One was the first thing she did as she entered a space that had a very different atmosphere.
This one was full of hope...
And that was what filled Rebecca as she looked up for a much longer moment this time, her lips curving with just a hint of a smile.
Thomas didn’t seem to be smiling but it was hard to tell because he was touching his forefinger to his lips.
Then he touched the glass between them with that fingertip.
And Rebecca could feel that fairy kiss just as surely as if it had been his lips touching her skin. Telling her how much he cared and that she wasn’t alone...
From the instant she looked away, her focus was completely on her work. This was the ultimate in the specialty she had chosen to devote her professional life to. A long, painstaking procedure that had moments when it seemed like the most extraordinary thing any doctor could do.
To remove such a vital organ and have a tiny chest open in front of you that had an empty space where the heart should be.
To take another heart and fill that space.
And, best of all, to join it up to every vessel and allow blood to fill it and, with the encouragement of a small, electric shock, to see it begin to beat and pump that blood around its new body.
It had taken a little over five hours from the time Penny’s chest had been opened until the final stitches were in place and Rebecca stood back, as yet unaware of her aching back and feet, simply watching the monitor screen for a minute. The green light of the trace was a normal, steady rhythm. Blood pressure and oxygen saturation and every other parameter being measured were all within normal limits.
There were some tears again now, from more than one person in Theatre One, but they were happy tears. This little girl had the chance of a new future. As Rebecca allowed the intrusion of personal thoughts to mix with this overwhelming professional satisfaction, the joy of the potential new future became her own, as well. Looking up, the surprise this time was that Thomas had vanished from the gallery but Rebecca was smiling as she stripped off her mask and gown and gloves and left the theatre.
She knew she would find him waiting for her just outside the doors.
Waiting to fold her into his arms?
He came with her to find the space where Julia and Peter Craig were waiting.
‘It’s good news,’ were the first words they heard. ‘Everything went as well as we could have hoped for. Penny has a new heart.’
There were still more tears then. Both Penny’s parents needed time to cope with the onslaught of relief and then allow themselves real hope. There were lots of questions to be answered again.
‘Where is she now?’
‘In Recovery. You’ll be able to see her very soon.’
‘Where will she go then?’
‘Into Cardiac Intensive Care—like last time. We’ll keep her asleep for a few days while we make sure the new heart is working perfectly. She’ll probably be in there for seven to ten days.’
‘And then...?’
‘And then we’ll move her back to the ward and Dr Wolfe will take over to keep a very close eye on things, but in two or three more weeks, we fully expect you to be taking Penny home.’
* * *
It was a long time later that Thomas and Rebecca finally left their young patient in the care of the very capable team in the cardiac intensive care unit. Neither of them could remember the last time they had eaten anything but it was too soon to do anything as mundane as finding a table in the staff cafeteria.
‘Let’s get a bit of fresh air,’ Thomas suggested.
Rebecca shook her head. ‘I can’t leave the hospital. I need to be close to the unit for the rest of tonight. Besides, you know how many journalists and television crews are camped out in Reception. One interview was more than enough for me.’
‘I’m amazed Penny’s parents agreed to it.’
‘I think they needed to say thank you. To everyone who helped to search for Penny. To the whole surgical team. And mostly, they wanted to let their donor’s family know how much this gift means to them. They did that so well, didn’t they? Even that woman who was interviewing us was crying.’
Rebecca’s eyes were shining too brightly now, as well. She needed a bit of time away from everything.
‘I know just the place,’ Thomas told her. ‘Come with me...’
He took her by the hand and led her up the stairs. Up and up, until they found themselves on the rooftop of Paddington Children’s Hospital—just in time to see the last of a glorious summer sunset gilding the windows and chimneys of buildings and leaving the tops of the trees in their nearby parks a dark silhouette against a soft glow of pink.
‘What a day...’
‘I know.’ Rebecca closed her eyes for a moment. ‘I’ve never lost a patient when they were supposed to be on their way to Theatre before. I was so afraid Penny wasn’t going to get her new heart.’
‘But she did. Thanks to you. I can’t tell you how proud I am of what you do, Becca. It’s extraordinary. And brave, especially for you, but...but I think I understand why you do it, now.’
‘You were brave,’ Rebecca said softly. ‘Being there for Ryan’s surgery. I know how hard that must have been.’
‘I’d just been with Ryan’s parents. Talking to them.’
Rebecca’s eyes widened. ‘What did you say?’
‘That they needed to believe they had been the best parents. That it was only because they loved their little boy so much that they were able to go through with giving the gift of life to others. That they should be there for each other and...and that they hadn’t failed their son.’
‘Oh, Tom...’ Rebecca put her arms around him and pressed her forehead against his chest.
‘That was when I knew,’ he said. ‘That we were the best parents, too. That what we did really is something to be proud of.’ He kissed the top of Rebecca’s head. ‘I don’t need to run any more. Or hide. I would never have chosen to get sucked back into the past the way Penny’s case has taken me but it’s the best thing that could have happened. I don’t feel stuck any more.’
Rebecca lifted her head to meet his gaze. She opened her mouth but no words came out.
‘We loved Gwen,’ Thomas said softly. ‘And we loved each other. And love that strong never dies, does it?’
‘No, it never does.’ Her voice wobbled. ‘We’ll always love Gwen. And remember her. And miss her.’
Thomas held her gaze. ‘We will always miss her and we can’t change that but I’ve missed you, too. I had no idea how much and I can’t bear the thought of always missing you when that’s something we could change. I love you, Becca. I need you—as much I need my next breath.’
‘I love you, too, Tom. More than I ever have. You’re still the person I fell in love with but there’s so much more of you to love now. So many new layers. We’ve been through so much, haven’t we?’
‘We’re older.’ Thomas smiled. ‘And wiser.’ He dipped his head to place a gentle kiss on Rebecca’s lips. ‘But you’re still the person I fell in love with, too. Just...more beautiful, inside and out.’
He kissed her again and, this time, there was passion to be kindled from within the tenderness. A promise of what was to come.
‘I think I learned something important today,’ he whispered, when they finally drew apart.
‘I know you did.’ Rebecca smiled. ‘You learned not to hide.’
‘And something else.’
‘What?’
‘That just because you didn’t do something perfectly the first time doesn’t mean that you failed. It means you can learn something so you can do it better the next time.’
A tiny frown appeared between Rebecca’s dark eyes. ‘But you know you didn’t fail with Gwen. We didn’t fail...’
‘I failed our marriage.’
‘We both did.’ The frown disappeared and there was a new glow in her eyes. ‘But do you mean that you think we could do it better if there was a next time?’
‘Not if...’ Thomas paused to kiss Rebecca again. ‘When. If you’ll say yes? Will you, Becca? Will you marry me again?’
‘Yes,’ she whispered. ‘Yes and yes and yes!’
Maybe there would have been more ‘yes’s’ but Thomas didn’t need to hear any more.
Besides, he was too busy kissing her.