Disturbing the Peace

At 6:30 on a Wednesday evening in late March, Justin was sitting on the living room floor of his home, tending to Karma, when his wife entered the room. She squirmed at the sight of the dog. It had been three weeks of dog ownership and Scarlett had yet to warm up to the idea.

“Do you really need to keep that thing in the living room? I don’t want her hair and slobber all over the furniture.”

Justin ignored his wife—something he’d become skilled at—but Scarlett continued her rant. “What are people going to think if they come over and leave covered in dog hair? Or what if the house starts smelling like a dog? That’s a disgusting smell, Justin, and I won’t tolerate it.” Scarlett was pacing, flailing her arms about as she spoke. “Are you even paying attention to a word I say?”

“That’s a weird way to start a conversation.”

Scarlett was visibly angry, staring at Justin with narrowed eyes. Her dainty features had mastered the perturbed look several years ago. “There is something seriously wrong with you.”

“That’s a mean thing to say right before our dog’s first yoga class!”

“Her what, now?” Scarlett’s eyes widened as she jerked her head back. She stammered out her words but couldn’t form a coherent sentence. “Her… her… yo… yoga?”

“Her yoga class. Your negativity is going to affect her vinyasa.”

“You have got to be kidding me. How much is this costing us? You don’t make enough money to be wasting it on stupid stuff.”

“It was an online group discount coupon thing. Don’t worry; I didn’t spend your manicure money.”

Karma wagged her tail as Scarlett stomped off toward the kitchen. She could be one of the few people who brought joy to a dog by leaving.

“Okay, my beautiful girl. Let’s get you to your yoga class. I hope that tuna I fed you earlier doesn’t make you gassy.”

Justin and Karma arrived at Clippendale’s, the local dog groomer with a yoga studio, twenty minutes early. The class was scheduled to begin at 7:30, so he had plenty of time to get Karma acclimated to the space.

Justin took a few moments to speak to the svelte, raven-haired instructor. “This is a nice place you have here, Donna.”

“Oh, thank you, Mr. Peterson. I’ve tried to make it a comfortable space.”

“Call me Justin. You’re definitely older than me, anyway.”

Donna’s dark eyebrows pinched as she stared at the oblivious man. “Right. Thank you for pointing that out, Justin.”

“My pleasure, Donna. Say, what are all these poles for in here?” Justin glanced around the room, taking in all the floor-to-ceiling chrome poles bolted in place. The rest of the decor appeared very zen, with stark white walls, birch wood floors, and potted plants throughout the room.

Donna looked at Justin again, head tilted, and brows pulled together. “Those are for… other classes we run.”

Justin thought for a moment, looked down at Karma, then back up at Donna. “Ohh, I gotcha.” He winked.

“Right, well, I better go get set up. I hope you enjoy the class, Mr. Peter… Justin.”

“Thanks. I’m sure Karma is going to feel like a new dog after she’s done here.”

Without another word, Donna turned to walk away —at least not out loud. Her silent opinions on Justin were another matter.

Justin looked at Karma and whispered, “I wonder why they’d want to have a pole-dancing class for dogs. How would you hold on without thumbs?”

Even Karma tilted her head at her beloved owner.

“Well, let’s find a place to roll out your yoga mat, Karm. We better get you ready.” Justin looked around and realized he was the only man in a class full of women, and they were all in Lululemon or Lolë workout clothes. They were more Scarlett’s crowd than Justin’s, but he carried on getting set up. Karma was also the only dog that exceeded fifteen pounds; the rest of the dogs arrived inside purses. He shrugged his shoulders and spoke in a comforting tone to his dog, “Now, if you have to fart, don’t be embarrassed. It’s perfectly natural—especially in a yoga class. No one will think any less of you.”

The women glanced over at him with serious expressions from their own yoga mats. Justin wondered to himself why all the other dogs were still in their purses. They can’t do yoga in a purse.

Donna broke the chatter by getting the class’s attention. “Good evening, everyone. Thanks again for joining us for Dogs and Yoga. If everyone can take their positions on their mats, we’ll begin in a moment. Just take a few seconds to calm your breathing and really focus on what lies ahead for the next forty-five minutes.”

“Did you hear that Karm? Calm your breathing. Stick your tongue back in your mouth and cool it on the drool. You’re going to make your yoga mat slippery.”

As she did best, Karma was seated beside Justin on the yoga mat, panting and drooling. She rested her massive head on his shoulder while he sat cross-legged, awaiting the start of the class. He didn’t even flinch at the liquid soaking through his shirt because he was happy to have such a loyal girl. Karma had quickly become his favourite woman in the house, but he couldn’t admit that to Scarlett. He reached his hand up to scratch under Karma’s ear as she blew her hot breath in his at a steady pace. Though her fur was soft, her dog breath left a lot to be desired. Ignoring the fact that she smelled like a baby convention where they ran out of diapers, Justin leaned into her snuggles and tried to calm her for her yoga class.

“Okay, everyone,” Donna interrupted the silence. “Let’s get started. We’re going to start in a standing position called mountain pose.”

Justin looked at Donna as she stood with her feet together, palms together in front of her heart. He looked at Karma, then back at Donna. “Um, Donna? I don’t know how to make Karma stand like that.”

Donna already appeared exasperated. “Mr. Peterson; I’m sorry, Justin, you are supposed to stand. This is a dogs and yoga class, not a dog yoga class.”

Oh. Well, that was an oversight. Justin tried to save himself some embarrassment by saying, “Of course, it’s just… Karma wanted to join in, too.”

“Sure. Well, maybe she can stand on four paws for mountain pose then, hmm? Can we get back to the class now?”

“Right. Sure thing. Of course. No problem,” Justin stammered. I guess I’m doing a yoga class. I wish I had brought Karma to the pole-dancing class instead. He spent the next forty-five minutes struggling through various yoga poses while Karma made her way around the room, sniffing the purse-dog’s butts. Considering Justin showed up in jeans and a long-sleeve flannel shirt, he managed pretty well, but it hadn’t been nearly as much fun as the dog yoga he expected.

Once they completed the class and Karma fully embraced Shavasana with zero shame, Justin rubbed her belly and told her it was time to leave. She flopped over and got up onto all fours, then dropped her front half to the ground in a downward dog pose. “There you go, Karm! You’re a natural! Do you see this Donna? She’s a natural.”

The other participants in the class looked over in Karma’s direction, just in time for her to release a loud fart. The remaining women in the class looked at Justin, horrified, as if he were the offender. When Karma finished her stretch, Justin patted her on the head and urged her to leave. “Come on, girl. Let’s get out of here before they realize that it wasn’t just loud,” he whispered.

Justin exited the front of Clippendale’s with Karma walking closely beside him. Once the cool night air hit them both, Karma released a low growl with her hackles raised.

Nothing suspicious appeared in Justin’s initial scan of the street. “What is it, girl?”

Karma’s growling persisted as she watched the north side of the street where all the businesses appeared closed. There were no pedestrians on the sidewalk because it was still too cold for people to stroll along the streets with everything shut down for the night.

Justin called Karma toward his pickup truck and encouraged her to get in. She was hesitant to move from her guarded position, but her loyalty to her master won out. She hopped into the passenger seat and stuck her wrinkly face against the window, covering it with slobber art. Justin climbed into his seat and closed the door just as he heard a commotion on the street behind them.

A full-sized white work van skidded to a stop in front of the pharmacy, and two men came rushing out of the building. Before Justin could even comprehend what was happening, the van sped off in front of him. His instinct was to follow the van and call 911, but he knew making phone calls while driving was illegal—he couldn’t report a crime while committing one. He opened the door, climbed out, and called for Karma to join him as he walked toward the pharmacy. He phoned the police on his way.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

“I think there’s been a robbery at the LifeZest Pharmacy. The suspects just took off toward the Dairy Queen in a big white van—two men plus a driver. I’m going inside to check if there are any victims.”

“Sir, please don’t enter the pharmacy. I am sending the police to your location immediately. Stay out of sight in case the perpetrators return.”

“It’s fine. I’ve got my dog with me, and she just did some yoga.”

“Um, I’m not sure how that’s relevant, but please, Sir, wait in a safe location. Is your vehicle nearby?”

“I was in my truck when I saw them take off. I’m going inside now.”

“Sir—”

Justin ended the call.